No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
by Celebrisilweth
Summary: While returning from a trading trip, Fili and Kili stop overnight in a town of Men where they help a Dwarrowlass in trouble. Unfortunately, the consequences of their actions prove dire and long-lasting. Rated M for violence/non-con/PTSD. See individual chapters for additional triggers.
1. Chapter 1

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Chapter 1- Food and a Bed

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**AN: Kili tries to be helpful, but the consequences prove to be more than he's prepared to handle. Dark fic involving violence/non-com (not explicit)/PTSD/hurt/angst/comfort. See individual chapters for specific triggers. (Chap 1- fluff with a fight scene).**

**Fili is 75, Kili 70 (in human years- about 17 and 15 respectively).**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own none of the characters or Middle Earth; I just play there. I receive no monetary compensation.**

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The rays of the late afternoon sun were just beginning to drop below the tree line when the two Durin brothers made their way into the small town, their ponies plodding resolutely towards the stable. Fίli, the elder, had not planned on staying the night here; after all, it was a town of Men, and Dwarves were not always welcome. Then again, he realized that they were still at least a day's ride from their Ered Luin home and he did not want to spend another night beneath the trees.

Both Fίli and his younger brother Kίli were tired, but none the less, satisfied. Their Uncle Thorin, King under the Mountain, in exile, had entrusted them with the task of delivering the latest weapons order from the forge by themselves. The trip to the delivery site had been wholly uneventful, despite Kίli's best efforts to ensure a little adventure. The exchange of weapons for gold was seamless; this time the men had not tried to cheat the dwarves out of the agreed price. And there had been no haggling, that had occurred when the order was placed; nor had there been any complaints over workmanship. Truly there were no better smiths in all of Arda than the Dwarrow, and Thorin Oakenshield was precise in his craft.

Now they were nearing home and tonight Fίli wanted nothing more than hot food, a tankard of ale, and a bed, hence the stopover in the town. The blonde prince shook his head watching his brother's raven hair whip around his essentially beardless face as he turned his head back and forth taking in the village sights. Suddenly he stared at Fίli, his face breaking into a wide grin.

Hey, Fee...," Kίli started.

"No." Fίli cut him off before even hearing the suggestion.

"But..."

"No." Fίli was adamant

"You don't even know what I'm going to say yet," Kίli pouted.

"Don't care," the elder shook his head, the little braids in his mustache swinging around.

"Aw, Fee," Kίli tried again, this time widening his large brown eyes in that doleful stare that usually got his way. "I just want..."

"I don't." Fίli turned away from the hurt puppy-dog stare, to which, even after seventy years, he was not always immune.

"Humph," Kίli snorted, wrinkling his nose and sticking his tongue out at his older brother. "You've been around Thorin too long- you're grumpy." He brought his mount, Daisy, to a halt in front of the stables.

"Just stay put, and watch the ponies," Fίli ordered, dismounting. "I'll see if the cost is even reasonable."

A few minutes later, Fίli returned smiling. He'd bartered for a good deal since both ponies could share a single horse stall. The two Dwarves would care for the ponies themselves so the only other cost was for feed, hay, and water. It meant longer before Fίli would get his food and ale, but, at least he would know their mounts received proper care.

Once the ponies had been rubbed down, fed, and watered, the two brothers made their way from the stable towards the inn. By now Kίli was once again his boisterous, happy self, his earlier pout already forgotten, as he prattled on about the success of their trip, what he wanted to eat, and how he hoped the beds were soft. Fίli just shook his head and smiled. Hopefully he had avoided one potential disaster tonight. If only he could keep Kίli entertained through dinner and until they were asleep.

As it turned out, the room was acceptable, if a bit small, which did not matter to either brother. They only needed it for sleep and were used to a shared room. After they quickly washed the dust of the road off their hands and faces, it was time to head downstairs to the attached tavern. On their way in they had noted that the alehouse was already filling up in the limited space, and after some discussion, the brothers decided to leave their larger weapons in the room. Kίli's bow would be of no use in the small area, and Fίli doubted he could find a spot large enough to draw his twin blades, much less swing them. And yet, as they descended the stairs, they were far from unarmed. Fili was still an arsenal of daggers, throwing knives, and small hand axes secreted about his body, and Kίli had his own dagger and throwing knives, although in far less number than his brother. It was not that they were expecting trouble; it just always paid to be prepared.

They found an empty table near the back beside a window and proceeded to sit and order their meal. The food was standard tavern fare, simple, but hearty; and best of all, they had not cooked it themselves. Swallowing the final bite of his roast pork, Fίli licked the grease from his fingers and leaned back in his chair to savor the remainder of his ale, content that he would soon be in a warm bed.

Even Kίli had enjoyed the meal, and for once, had been too busy eating to keep up his endless chatter. He used a last piece of bread to sop up the juices from his plate then popped it into his mouth and finally washed it down with a swig of ale. As he sat his tankard back on the wooden table, he caught movement out the window and turned for a better look.

"Fίli," he jerked his head towards the window. "That's Erda."

"It's not Erda. What would she be doing here away from Erid Luin?" Fίli didn't even bother to look. "And besides why would you care if it was? After the things she and her friends said about you, I'd think you'd go out of your way to avoid her."

Kίli scowled at the memory, even after five years, he could still remember that disastrous day in the market and how he had felt hearing the disparaging slurs the lassies had spoken. He shook his head to clear away the thoughts but kept staring out the window.

"Just look. I tell you that's Erda," Kίli returned. "And she's in a skirt."

At the last word Fίli's head snapped towards the window.

"You're right," Fίli agreed. "But why is she here and especially dressed like that?"

The very thought of a Dwarrowlass wearing a skirt while traveling among the race of Men was inconceivable. Dwarrowdams and lasses were few in number and therefore, treasured. They were not put on display as Men would do their own females. Especially, since the fall of Erebor, the exiled dwarves had learned by experience to keep their lassies and dams incognito, dressed in tunics and trousers just like the males. The fact that females also had facial hair only aided the illusion. And only trained warriors would ever travel alone; there was something very wrong here.

"Don't know; but we can't just let her wander around alone in a strange town of Men," Kίli returned.

"Oh no," Fίli shook his head. "All I want to do now is get some sleep, not go wandering off after some silly lass whose family hates the line of Durin." He rose to leave.

Kίli grabbed his arm. "Fee, we can't just leave her out there alone. She's one of our people...one of Thorin's people. It's our duty to make sure she's safe."

"Mahal, Kίli, when did you learn responsibility for our people?" Fίli pulled his arm from his brother's grasp and sighed. "But I guess you're right; we need to make sure she's fine." The two headed for the door.

Once outside they looked up and down the street, but found no sign of the lass. The shadows of twilight were lengthening and the merchants had all closed up shop for the day.

"She was headed that way," Kίli pointed. "Maybe she turned the corner."

Fίli nodded his assent and they made their way towards the crossing; but there was still no trace of the Dwarf lass. The brothers looked at each other, questioning how best to proceed. They knew where this path led and doubted she would intentionally head to the stables. In fact, they wondered if Erda even knew what the inside of a stable looked like, much less would actually go there.

Kίli shrugged his shoulders and started off. Fίli huffed but was not about to let his little brother continue alone. As they neared the stables they heard the sound of something slamming against wood and things falling over, followed by a scream.

The brothers broke into a run rounding the backside of the stables to find Erda fighting with a man. She was sitting atop a barrel, the front of her green shirt ripped open. She flailed with her arms and kicked with her feet, while the man laughed at her weak attempts to protect herself. With one swift motion he roughly grabbed both wrists in one hand, and then used the other to backhand her. She continued to struggle, but the fight had left her, replaced by tears and sobs.

"Let her go!" Kίli demanded coming to a halt behind the tall figure.

"Says who?" the man growled turning to face the brothers while maintaining his grip on the girl. He was average height for a man, thin, with black eyes in a weather-beaten face marked by the signs of more than one previous fight. Greasy black hair was pulled back sloppily and tied with a leather throng at the nape of his neck. He wreaked of sweat and strong drink.

"I said let her go!" This time Kίli yelled, anger flashing in his eyes, and a dagger in hand.

"Well, ain't you two fetchin'?" the man grinned revealing an uneven row of yellow teeth. "I'm jist 'bout to have me some o' this little lady here, so you boys better run on back t'home so's you don' get hurt." Turning back to his prey, the man grabbed one of Erda's braids pulling her closer to him as he leant his mouth towards hers.

"Kίli," Erda begged, sobbing.

At that moment Kίli wanted nothing more than to bury his dagger in the lowlife's heart, not only for Erda, but for every Dwarrow who'd been cheated, beaten, spat on, and denigrated at the hands of Men folk. But that small rational part of him buried deep under the red haze of fury, cautioned that killing this devil wasn't an option. Not here, not in this village where he'd have to answer to Men's justice, and not when it wasn't absolutely needed.

Turning his head the briefest bit, Kίli noted that his brother was already armed with two throwing knives; and then as their eyes met, Fίli nodded. Kίli let his dagger fall from his grip, knowing that the blonde was ready to protect him, as he took a step towards the man's back. With as much force as he could, Kίli slammed his boot into the bend of the brute's left knee and followed it with a swift punch to his left kidney, wishing that he had Dwalin's knuckledusters right now.

The man groaned as his leg buckled and pain exploded in his side. Accustomed to having his way, he really had not expected the Dwarves to attack, an obvious miscalculation on his part. With a growl he released the girl and regained his balance by griping the barrel rim for support then turned over his left shoulder towards his attacker. As he pivoted, he threw his left arm back trying to catch the dwarf; but Kίli had stepped to the side out of reach.

Kίli's height reached only mid-chest on the man whose anger now seethed. The dwarf ducked under the swung arm and stepped in close, using the lowlife's own momentum to help bury his fist in the solar plexus. Air rushed out of the would-be attacker as he bent double, arms clenched over the pain in his middle. Next Kίli's fist connected with his nose in a satisfying crunch, followed by an upper cut to the chin. Already unbalanced the man staggered backwards a step before careening into a wooden fence and sliding to the ground, blood pouring from his broken nose.

Quickly Fίli helped Erda down from the barrel while Kίli retrieved his dagger. They each took one of Erda's hands and pulled her quickly away from the scene to safety.

"You'll pay for this, dwarf scum," the rogue threatened adding a string of curses.

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**AN: **I've been working on this fic for a while now but didn't want to start posting until it was complete. I really didn't want to start just to disappear for months at a time with writer's block (which definitely occurred) or just fall off the face of Arda without finishing, so basically the entire fic is written (28 chapters). I plan to post at least twice per week. If you're interested, you can read about Kili and Erda inJust Words. Thanks to my long-time beta BlueGnomeAlaska.

Please read and review, that's the bread and butter of fanfiction authors.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Explanations and Expectations

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**AN: **A slightly shorter chapter with no trigger warnings. Fili and Kili escort Erda back to her room. _Italics _denotes thoughts.

**Disclaimer: **No ownership or profits to be inferred.

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Once they had rounded a corner closer to the inn, the three dwarves no longer heard the hurled curses and there was no sign of pursuit.

Tears continued to stream down the dwarrow-lass's face. As she stood between the two brothers, she shook either from fear, relief, or the cooling temperature. Catching sight of her ripped clothes, Kίli shrugged out of his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. Gratefully she clutched the warm leather around her as she turned to bury her face in Fίli's fur collar.

"Erda," Kίli started. "What are you doing here?"

"Came with my family," she snuffled. "Going to the Iron Hills to visit family." Slowly she pulled away from Fίli and wiped tears from her cheeks trying to regain her composure.

They started walking towards the inn again before she managed a, "Thank you both...I don't know..."

"Shhh, it's alright," Fίli assured her, all the while scanning the street for potential trouble. "We're just glad that Kίli saw you leave and decided to follow."

"You do know that you're not in Ered Luin anymore, don't you?" Kίli chastised. "And you should not be outside alone, especially dressed like that."

"I just wanted to see the town," Erda pouted, widening her green eyes. "I've never been to a race of Man town before." She stared pointedly at Kίli, an edge of anger tinging her words. "And what's wrong with what I am wearing? This is..or..was...a perfectly good skirt and bodice.

"What's wrong?" Kίli's voice escalated in disbelief. _How stupid could this girl be? Alone in a strange town near dusk __and not concealing her gender._ He opened his mouth to explain but before he could continue, Fίli cut him off with a glare.

"What my brother meant to say was that customarily female dwarrow don't travel outside our mountains wearing dresses or skirts. They choose trousers and shirts to... to...," Fίli stumbled for the proper wording, as his cheeks began to tinge pink. Kili rolled his eyes.

"To keep from getting attacked," Kίli had no such qualms about propriety, or tact, especially given the lass's seeming contempt, "like you just did." He glowered back at his older brother for the interruption.

"Kίli, son of Dis, if you think I will wear trousers just to hide what I am, then you are wrong." Erda snapped as she quickly rounded on the dark-haired prince, hands on her hips, and petulantly stamped her foot.

Startled at the lass's sudden outburst, Kίli took a step back, his deep brown eyes wide and staring.

"Durin's beard, Erda, do you hear yourself?" Kίli was quickly losing his patience with the pampered, naive, brat. "Do you even know what that man intended to do to you?"

"Erda," Fίli soothed, stepping between the two. Smiling and taking her arm in his he guided her away from his brother and back towards the inn. "We just don't want you to get hurt, so we'll make sure you get back to your room safely." He agreed with his brother's irritation, yet realized the best solution was to turn the wayward lass over to her parents, preferably before she and Kίli continued their verbal exchange, or worse.

Back at the inn Fίli knocked on the door to Erda's room. The door was wrenched open by a bulky dwarf with several braids in his brown hair and a beard that hung in two braids. His face was pulled into a scowl as he surveyed the three standing before him, then he reached to pull his daughter into the room.

"Erda, where have you been?" her father demanded gruffly. He looked her over quickly, noting her reddened cheek and ripped bodice. He turned back to face the brothers, his eyes blazing with fury.

"What have you done to my daughter, you worthless Durins? It's not enough your family's gold lust brought the dragon, destroyed our home, and forced us into exile; now you think you can use us to suit your wretched whims and just return her when you're through? We should have left Ered Luin long ago."

The enraged dwarf took a step closer to the door; hand on his knife hilt, preparing to draw the blade even as his wife pulled her daughter further into the room. The situation was escalating past the bounds of safety as Fili stepped forward, placing his right hand on his own knife and using his left arm to push his little brother behind him before Kίli did something stupid.

"Ada, No!" Erda pulled away from her mother's grip and grabbed her father's arm, pulling him back. "They didn't hurt me. They rescued me."

Silence reigned as the dwarrow father processed this new information. He was hard pressed to deny his longtime hatred of the line of Durin, and even more so to actually acknowledge a debt to these two.

Fίli breathed a sigh of relief, tension lessening in his shoulders, as the older dwarf seemed to deflate at his daughter's statement, his hand dropping away from his knife. Behind him, the golden prince could also sense his brother relaxing.

"Explain!" The father addressed his child without taking his eyes off the boys.

Erda hung her head not wanting to face her family. "I wanted to see the town, look at the merchant's wares." She paused licking her lips. "I was going to come back before dark, but...well, I got lost and ...I tried to find my way back. Then..." her voice broke remembering what had happened. "This...man grabbed me and pulled me away. He hit me." Tears ran down her cheeks as she stumbled through the story. "He tore my clothes...and he said horrible things to me. Then Fίli and Kίli came and...Kίli fought him,...and they brought me home."

The dwarrowdam pulled her crying child into an embrace and stroked her hair.

"My apologies, Prince Fίli. I should not have insinuated accusations before hearing the circumstances." The dwarf raised his eyes from the floor where he had averted them as his daughter spoke, undoubtedly relieved that he had not drawn his weapon against the two princes since it was considered an act of treason.

"We thank you for saving our daughter." Then biting down the bile that threatened to rise in his throat at the thought of groveling before the Durin heirs, he bowed low, "We are at your service."

Fίli answered with a partial bow, "And we at yours." Since he had not been directly included in the apology, Kίli felt no compunction to respond with word or gesture, still seething at the implied accusations.

Erda, having finally reached a semblance of calm again, removed Kίli's coat and handed it back to the raven-haired prince.

"Thank you, Kίli," she managed a small smile.

"It was our duty as heirs of Durin," Kίli returned with a slight bow. Together the two princes turned and started back to their own room. As the door closed they could hear a rather loud and harsh discussion beginning.

"Did you hear that, Fee?" Kili quipped. "He actually apologized to us and thanked us. I could almost feel how much he hated having to say that. And then, the 'at your service,'...he nearly choked." Kili was almost bouncing.

Once back in their own room, Fίli closed and locked the door wedging the room's single chair against the handle before stripping off his coat and stretching.

"Nadadith," he began, smiling. "Remind me never to leave my swords behind the next time we eat on the road." Then the smile slipped from his face as he growled, "And if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will personally hold you down and beat you."

"What?" Kίli stared at his brother, brows knit in confusion.

"You know very well what I'm talking about," Fili returned. "That 'stupid, reckless, Kίli' stuff may work with Mum and Uncle, and everyone else; but don't think for a moment that it will with me." Fίli glared at his brother before continuing, "You dropped your knife on purpose and went into that fight barehanded."

Kίli ducked his head to avoid his brother's gaze, "Yeah. If I hadn't I would have killed him with it." He looked back up, deep brown eyes meeting blue. "Besides he was drunk and too distracted, my fists were all I needed." He flashed his wide grin and added, "And I knew you had my back."

"Right," Fίli lightly slapped him on the back of the head. "Sleep... Now!... I want to be home early tomorrow. I've had enough of this trip."

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**AN: **Saying that this family has a problem with the line of Durin would be putting it mildly. Next chapter, the boys start the last leg of their journey home; and let's just say Fili doesn't get his wish.

Nadadith- little brother

Thanks to all who have reviewed, favorited, and followed. And now for the shameless plug: please review. I'd really like to know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A Slight Detour

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**AN: Disclaimer- No ownership or profit to be inferred.**

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It was still mostly dark in the room as Fίli rose and lit the bedside candle. The sky held just the faintest hint of pink in the east and the golden prince was eager to be on the road home.

"Up, Kίli," Fίli called while pulling on his tunic." Time to get moving".

"Mmmmmm," Kίli hummed drawing the covers over his head until only part of his raven hair was visible. "Little more sleep."

"No more sleep. Time to go home," Fίli grinned at the standard morning ritual. He was up and awake while his little brother burrowed under the blanket begging for more time. It had been this way for years and the blonde had given up hope that it would ever change. The only variation in their ritual was how many nice attempts Fίli made before resorting to more drastic measures.

Since Fili wanted to be home as soon as they could, he grabbed the covers and yanked them from the bed. As usual his brother was prone, sprawled across what passed as a mattress. Kίli reached for the covers, whining, "'M cold".

"Up! Now!" Fίli demanded reaching out to swat his little brother's prominently displayed rump.

"Hey!" Suddenly Kίli was awake and not exactly happy. "That hurt," he complained rolling over to face his attacker, only to be smacked in the face by his clothes that Fίli had thrown at him.

"No, it didn't" the older smirked. "And if you did what you were asked, when I asked you, I wouldn't have to get your attention that way. I am so ready to be home."

Mumbling under his breath, Kίli dragged himself out of the bed and pulled on his clothes. By the time he finished, Fίli was standing at the door tapping his foot. Kίli just grinned and followed him into the hall.

After a quick bite of bread, cheese, and tea, the two proceeded to the stable to retrieve their ponies. By the time the sun started to rise over the horizon, they were making their way out of the village and onto the main road, headed for home. So it was that neither noticed three horses taking a back trail but basically headed in the same direction.

While the ride may have started in silence, save the sound of the ponies' hooves on the road, the peace did not last. Soon Kίli, now fully awake, started his typical chatter. Fίli at least pretended to listen with an occasional grunt thrown in to pacify his brother.

Like the dwarrow that rode them, dwarven ponies were meant for endurance, not to cover leagues quickly, and so the pace was plodding at best. No need to overtax the ponies so early. Not far outside the village the road cut through a small forest. At their steady pace Myrtle and Daisy entered the woods about a candlemark into the ride. As it passed the tree line, the road narrowed to just larger than the width of a wagon. After all it was a trade route used by caravans; but if it had ever been more than a forest path, no evidence remained now as underbrush and trees crowded its edges.

Fίli had spent enough time in the woods around Ered Luin to be comfortable there; but these trees were unfamiliar, their leaves blocking much of the sunlight from the path. If asked, both princes would have described the woods as sinister, dark and dank. They had always disliked these woods and they quickened the ponies' pace trying to pass through as quickly as possible.

Even Kίli's chatter quieted as they ducked under the trees. Had he passed through this forest as a dwarfling still prone to nightmares, Kίli would have woken from his next sleep screaming about twisted trees, that blocked the sun and turned the day to night, reaching out to grab him.

About half-way through the forest, they came into a small clearing. Daisy shook her head and whinnied, her steps becoming skittish, obviously as uncomfortable here as the dwarves. Without breaking her stride, Kίli bent low over Daisy's neck whispering in her ear and rubbing her forehead in an effort to calm the pony. She was the more high-strung of the two, but Kίli knew how to control her. Right now he was trying to keep her from bolting ahead of Myrtle.

About the time Daisy calmed, two things happened. First they heard a sound in the trees behind and to their right. Instinctively both dwarves turned to look over their shoulders. Second, as Kίli shifted his weight to turn, something hit Daisy in the hindquarters. The chestnut pony shied, jumping to the right; already unbalanced and in an awkward position, Kίli fought to stay seated. But then Daisy reared, throwing the young prince to the ground before bolting down the path.

"Kίli!" Fίli practically jumped from Myrtle's back and quickly looped the reins over a branch knowing they could not afford to lose both ponies. He fell to his knees beside the still dwarf and placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, "Kίli? Are you alright?"

Kίli did not respond. Gently Fίli slipped his hand under his brother's head to assess for trauma. A lump was already forming near the back of Kίli's head and the hair felt sticky and wet. When Fίli withdrew his hand, it was covered in blood.

Appalled, Fίli thought back over Oin's lessons on field treatment. He knew scalp wounds tended to bleed heavily, even if not severe, and that helped to reassure him, but since Kίli was unconscious, his next thought was concussion. He ripped a piece from his tunic pressing the cloth to the wound to slow the bleeding.

"Mahal," Fίli uttered. "Why now?" _Everything was going so well. We would have been home by afternoon; but now...Kίli, you need to wake up. I can't carry you home like this. And I sure don't trust the men of that village to care for you._

"C'mon, Kίli, wake up, please," Fίli tried slapping his brother's cheek without success.

Suddenly a twig snapped behind him and Fίli turned grabbing for his swords.

"Can't get little Kίli awake?" a rough voice mocked. "What a shame."

Then Fίli felt a sudden pain at the back of his skull and the world went black.

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**AN: **So now we're through the set-up portion; on to the meat of the story next. This was supposed to be a Kili story, but somewhere along the line, Fili highjacked it (that happens sometimes). Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. Please let me know what you think by reviewing.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Misplaced Vengeance

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**AN: **So now we find out who attacked the boys, and why.

**Trigger Warning- Violence**

**Disclaimer- No rights or profit implied.**

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Three men stood surveying the unconscious princes. Brogen, the one in charge, sported a freshly broken nose, a large bruise on his chin, and a look of intense hatred in his dark eyes.

Walking closer, he nudged Fίli with his boot. "Raslett, strip his weapons and tie him to that tree," he ordered jerking his head to indicate one across a small clearing deeper in the woods. The man nodded once and began removing the twin swords and external knives from the dwarf. Then grabbing the blonde by his arms, he pulled him to the tree and hauled him upright waiting until the third conspirator, Haddon, tied the prince's hands behind the tree. They left Fίli there, head bowed, held up only by his bound arms.

Brogen himself reached down to grip the collar of Kίli's coat and dragged him into the clearing where he began striping the young dwarf of his weapons, bracers, and coat. He then returned to the remaining pony.

Daisy was out of sight having bolted after throwing Kίli; but Myrtle's reins remained looped over the branch where Fili had left her. The grey mare stood peacefully until Brogen approached. As she caught the scent of man, she began to paw and stamp, pulling at her reins. The lanky lowlife gave her wide berth, walking around her until he could unloop the reins. Then he slapped the pony hard on the rump, and she, too, bolted from the clearing.

"Guess it'll take these two a lot longer to make it to the next town," Brogen grinned evilly walking back to his little group. "Time to see if we can wake 'em up. Didn't really expect that poor excuse for a horse to be so helpful; but at least we didn't have to fight 'em both."

Fίli was already beginning to stir where he stood lashed to the tree. Once Raslett slapped his face a couple of times, Fίli opened his eyes, groaning at the pounding in his head. It took him a moment to process the scene around him, including Kίli's prostrate form. He growled and tried to throw himself at the nearest man only then registering that his arms were tied securely behind the tree.

"Who are you? What do you want?" Fίli demanded with more bravado then he actually felt at the moment. He struggled at the rope around his wrists trying to find a weakness in the bonds but only succeeding in rubbing against his wrists.

Brogen sauntered up to the struggling prince and grabbed his chin turning his face up. "Oh, don't ya recognize me'n daylight, dwarf? Ya know, ya two ruined a perfectly good ev'nin last night. So we thought we'd teach ya savages some manners."

"You were assaulting her," Fίli spat, livid at the reprobate's audacity.

Brogen simply turned and walked to where Kίli lay.

"One man's assault's another man's fun," the rogue laughed. "If ya're good, maybe it won't take too much ta teach ya. But this one..." Brogen kicked Kίli in the side.

"No!" Fίli fought harder against his restraints, to no avail.

"Ya called him 'Kίli', didn't ya? 'e broke me nose. 'n' I intend ta teach him a lesson he won't soon forget." Brogen's words dripped with malice his thin lips curling into a mockery of a smile.

Fίli bit back the bile rising in his throat as his gut clenched with the realization that these men were going to hurt his little brother; and he was helpless to stop it.

"Leave him alone," Fίli growled struggling. All three men merely laughed at the thought turning away.

Brogen walked through the trees to where the men's horses were tied and returned with a waterskin.

Fίli stopped fighting as he looked at his brother. Kίli's face was too pale especially framed by his raven hair, and the right side was smeared with blood. Even from where he was, Fίli could see the swelling behind the right ear. _Oh, Mahal, Kili, you should be awake by now._

As Brogen dumped the waterskin's content onto the prince's face, Kίli spluttered and raised his arm to wipe the water away. His head throbbed horribly, his thoughts were jumbled, and his eyes refused to focus. Something was wrong. He sensed it but could not process it, could not understand. So he turned to the one thing he could do instinctively, by reflex.

"Fίli?" Kili's voice trembled, uncertain.

"I'm here," Fίli tried to keep his voice steady, not wanting his brother to panic.

After blinking several times, objects began to come into focus. There were legs near his head... _the boots don't belong to Fίli. Then who? Where am I? Why am I on the ground? _ _Why am I wet? _Nothing made any sense.

Brogen reached down and gripped a handful of Kίli's hair, hauling him roughly to his feet making his head spin and his stomach churn.

Kίli cried out as his hair was yanked, adding to the hammering pain already in his head. He raised his hands up to his hair trying to loosen the fingers twisted there. He needed to get his feet under him, to take his weight off his hair, but his legs felt like water and refused to obey.

"Leave him alone," Fίli bellowed. "He's already hurt. Whatever you're going to do, do it to me," he pleaded.

"What?... No," Kίli had no clue what was happening, but he knew from the tone of his brother's voice that he was begging. Kίli renewed his efforts to remove the fingers entwined in his hair trying to ease the pressure.

"Oh, no, little Kίli, ya can't get away fra me. Not today." Brogen's voice was condescending as he slammed his fist into Kίli's gut, and then released his grip on the prince's hair.

Kίli groaned as he dropped onto the ground doubled over in pain. Gasping for breath, he curled himself around his stomach trying to splint against the burning ache. He clenched his eyes tight against the drumming in his head.

"Kίli!" Fili screamed. "Leave him alone! You'll pay for this!"

Suddenly Raslett backhanded the blonde prince, "That's enough out o' you."

Fίli felt his lip split under the blow. He closed his eyes, as his own gut twisted in knots. Blood covered his wrists and hands where he had fought against his bonds, but he was no closer to freeing himself. He cursed at his inability to help his brother, for now he was certain that Kίli had a concussion and would never be able to defend himself against these brigands. All he could do was pray to Mahal for their lives.

Once again Brogen looped grimy fingers into Kίli's now tangled locks and dragged him across the clearing to a fallen tree. Snapped off a few feet from the ground, the crown had wedged itself against another tree leaving the trunk suspended about the height of a man's waist. Holding Kίli upright against the tree trunk, he shifted his grip from the dwarf's hair to the front of his tunic.

"Look a' me," the tall leader demanded tightening his grip on the tunic, shoving Kίli's back forcefully against the trunk.

Kίli blinked trying to focus his eyes, but the pain in his head was too unrelenting to allow him to concentrate. Instead he dropped his head just wanting to slip back into the dark bliss of unconsciousness.

Brogen reached out and smacked the prince across the face with his free hand. "I said 'look a' me,'" he growled.

Kίli forced himself to open his eyes and stare at his attacker finally registering that this was the man he had fought the previous night, the one who had attacked Erda.

"Tha's better," the rogue declared. "Ya broke me nose, didn't ya?"

Since the answer seemed obvious, Kίli did not bother to respond.

Brogen grabbed Kili's cheeks with one hand, squeezing. "Answer me when I talk ta ya."

"Yes," he managed.

"Ya know what else ya did?" the man's face was so close that Kίli could feel his hot fetid breath.

Kίli shook his head, immediately regretting it. He did not know, nor did he care. All he wanted was to be left alone until the throbbing in his head stopped, he could put together coherent thoughts, and his stomach quit roiling.

"Then I'll tell ya," Brogen replied, his tone cold. "Ya interrupted me when I was tryin' ta have some fun. See, I've never had me a dwarf girl afore; but last night I found me one until ya two come along 'n' took her away. So now I still ain't had me no dwarf girl." Brogen's mouth turned up into a grotesque smile as he continued. "I intend ta have me some dwarf...'n', little Kίli, you're pretty 'nough ta be a dwarf lass. Even if her beard was longer".

Despite his befuddled mind, Kίli grasped the implications of the monster's threat. His stomach churned threatening to empty its contents while eyes wide in horror he desperately sought a means of escape. He knew he'd been stripped of all weapons save perhaps his boot knives which he could not reach. That meant his only hope lay in using his body as a weapon. He counted on Brogen's thinking that he was still only half-conscious and unable to fight back.

Still pinned against the trunk, Kίli shoved his weight backwards for leverage and slammed his boot directly into his attacker's left knee trying at least to unbalance him if not actually break the leg. Brogen roared as his knee buckled, but he did not fall. Then since the man had leaned over when addressing him so that they were eye to eye, Kίli slammed his forehead into the wretch's already broken nose.

Brogen bellowed as already broken cartilage ground together and his nose spurted blood once again. Instinctively his hands flew to protect his battered face as he released his grip on the dwarf.

Kίli fell to the forest floor heavily, but quickly scrambled to his hands and knees. Freeing the knife from his boot sheath. Kίli aimed for Brogen's femoral artery berating himself for not having killed this monster the night before.

"STOP!" Raslett's voice boomed across the clearing.

Kίli froze, knife poised at the point of drawing blood, when he looked up to see the second man holding a knife against Fίli's throat, a line of blood beginning to well at the point of contact.

"Drop it or he dies," Raslett seethed.

In that moment brown eyes met blue. Fίli desperately wanted to tell his brother to save himself but dared not speak with the knife pressing on his throat. And Kίli knew he would never sacrifice his brother for his own safety. No words were needed between the brothers, their eyes said it all.

Kίli bowed his head and let the knife slip to the ground.

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**AN: **Oh no, another cliffhanger.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Violation

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**AN:** A bit shorter chapter mainly because of intensity. **TRIGGER WARNINGS:** Violence, Rape, Non-con

**DISCLAIMER:** All rights belong to the Tolkein estate, Sir Peter, or the movie franchises except for OCs. No profit is being made.

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Kίli let the knife fall from his fingers as he raised both hands up, empty. He kept his head bowed, letting his bloodied and tangled hair fall over his face, but not before Fίli had glimpsed the fear and panic in his brother's wide eyes.

The third man strode quickly towards the kneeling dwarf and kicked the knife away. "Hold out yer arms, wrists crossed."

Kίli complied and Haddon bound them tightly with rope, and then yanked him upright. Once he was bound, Raslett lowered the knife from Fίli's throat but kept it close at hand.

Brogen had staunched the flow of blood from his nose and now glowered at Kίli with bloodlust in his eyes. "Don't learn, do ya, dwarf?" he spat reaching out and gripping the brunette by the throat. He lifted him off the ground as he tightened his grip. "I should jist kill ya now 'n' be done with it."

"No!" Fίli screamed once again fighting to free himself. "Please, no." Hot tears welled in his eyes as he watched his little brother struggle. He couldn't lose Kίli, couldn't watch him die, helpless to intervene. He was supposed to be his brother's protector.

Kίli thrashed trying to draw air into his lungs. He raised his bound hands grasping at the fingers on his throat but could not pull them away. His lungs burned and blackness ringed his vision. When Kίli's hands finally dropped and his body went limp, Brogen threw the dwarf to the ground.

"Kίli, no," Fili begged, head bent in despair.

After what seemed like ages to the blonde prince, he heard his brother gasp. Fίli jerked his head up, staring in relief.

Kίli coughed as he sucked in great gulps of air to ease his burning lungs.

"Didn't think I'd let ya die that easy, did ya?" Brogen laughed harshly as he reached down and hauled Kίli back to his feet. "Jist thought I'd knock some o' the fight out o' ya."

Kίli staggered trying to stay upright as his legs threatened to collapse. He leaned against the fallen tree trunk for support as the world spun wildly around and closed his eyes against the blinding, unbearable pain roaring in his head. He was so exhausted; he just wanted dark and quiet...and this nightmare to end.

"Now, little Kίli, time ta pay back what ya owe me," Brogen taunted, his lips curled up in a revolting smile. "Drop yer trousers."

"Don't do it," Fίli's voice rang out.

The raven-haired prince stood head bowed, eyes closed, not acknowledging he had even heard.

Once again Brogen fingers tangled in dark hair yanking Kίli's head up. "I told ya to drop yer trousers, or..."

Fίli gasped as he felt the knife blade pressed under his left eye.

"Blondie, there, loses an eye," Brogen finished his threat.

Kίli's eyes snapped open when he heard Fili gasp. He stared at his brother as if begging forgiveness for what he was about to do, his brown eyes wide with fear and loathing. His body already hurt badly enough; but still, he would do whatever it took to spare Fίli pain.

"Don't do it," Fίli shouted back, straining against his bonds, even though he knew from the brief look that his brother had made up his mind to comply.

Kίli shook his head as he raised his bound hands and unlaced his pants letting them drop to pool around his boots. He clenched his eyes tightly trying to retreat deep within himself and shut out the ordeal before him. He longed for unconsciousness.

Large hands grabbed Kili roughly around the waist lifting and turning to slam him face down over the fallen tree trunk with his bound hands beneath him and his dark hair falling across his face. The force drove the air from his lungs leaving the prince gasping for breath again. Kίli felt his tunic being flipped up across his back. Then thick hands grasped his thighs roughly forcing his legs apart as a body pressed in close to his, and the icy grip of panic clawed at the edges of his mind.

Nothing Kίli had ever experienced could have made him ready for what happened next. Without any preparation Brogen brutally ripped his way into the dwarf's body. Kίli screamed as agony like white hot forge fire tore through him. The man's hands gripped Kίli's hips, fingers gouging deep against bone until he achieved full penetration, then he began to thrust, allowing the blood where the dwarf had torn to slick the way.

"Stop it," Fίli screamed, enraged. "I'll kill you."

The other two Men merely laughed at the worthless threat.

Tears coursed down Kίli's cheeks as his cries of torment continued, but at least they blocked out the vile sound of his attacker's moans. He writhed as muscles clenched in spasms from the brutal pounding. Bile rose in his throat threatening to choke him. Dimly, through the haze of torment, he wondered if his hips would break apart from the intense pressure.

Finally Brogen finished, panting. Once sated he hitched up his trousers and walked around the tree where he used Kίli's hair to clean himself.

"Nice 'n' tight," Brogen smiled up at Haddon, "but I slicked 'im up fer ya."

"I swear you will pay for that," Fίli yelled, eyes red and chest heaving. "I will hunt you down and kill you."

No longer amused, Raslett laid the knife at the corner of the prince's mouth, promising, "One more word, and I'll cut yer tongue out."

Fίli clamped his mouth shut. He longed to block out the sounds, the grunts and groans, only he could not escape them. And each wracking sob from his baby brother ripped his heart into pieces, an audible reminder of his blatant failure, knowing he had been unable to stop this pain.

By the time Haddon had finished and Raslett took his place, Kίli's sobs had ceased, replaced by pained whimpers. He no longer fought; he did not have the energy. His whole world had collapsed into a mass of unrelenting agony from his throbbing head and aching throat, traumatized first from the throttling and now raw from his screams. Moreover, his lungs burned as his gut twisted and clenched in spasms against the intrusion. With what little rational thought he held on to, Kίli kept telling himself, "_Just keep Fili safe"._

At last the three reprobates were satisfied, laughing and joking among themselves. They gathered up the princes' weapons loading them onto their horses and prepared to leave. Then Brogen walked back to the fallen tree. Gripping a handful of hair he pulled the dwarf down and Kίli made no protest. With one swift move he slammed the dark head into the tree and released his hold on the hair, returning to his horse.

Kίli crumpled to the ground. No sound. No movement.

"Sleep well, little Kίli," Brogen laughed harshly as he turned his horse and the three started back towards the town.

"You can't just leave us here," Fili yelled desperately after them.

The only answer was the fading of horses' hooves.

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**AN:** That was a brutal chapter to write. Poor Kili, and they're not even out of the woods yet (pun intended). Thanks for reviews, follows, and favorites. Keep 'em coming- reviews are the coin of fanfic authors. Talk to me people.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Fίli Takes Charge

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**AN:** This is a really long chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Middle Earth or it's inhabitants, I only play there some times and I do not profit.

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Fίli cursed as he fought against his bonds. He had not managed to loosen them with all his efforts, despite the blood where his wrists had rubbed raw. At least it gave him something to do rather than just be left alone with his thoughts of helplessness and failure. He looked across the clearing to where his little brother lay not moving.

He knew Kίli most likely had a concussion from being thrown by Daisy. And now he could have another from Brogen's vicious actions. Oin had warned the lads once about how dangerous concussions could be, especially if there were a second before the first one healed. Dwarves' skulls were thick, which helped prevent fractures, but did nothing to keep their brains from slamming back and forth against those skulls causing bruising or worse... Fίli halted the thought as he felt the cold tendrils of despair curling through his mind.

He had to believe Kίli would be alright. He already berated himself for not protecting his brother as he had promised. Earlier he had been so focused on Kίli's injury that he had been lax and had forgotten his training. He knew better than to be taken by surprise, told himself that he could have taken all three of the men in a fight and saved Kίli so much pain,... if he had not been distracted.

"Kίli," Fίli called. "Wake up, Kίli, please." There was no response.

Time crawled by at an achingly slow pace as the golden-haired prince tried to keep his resolve firm, not to allow despair a foothold in his mind. Because they had made good time traveling, they were not even expected home before tomorrow evening. It would be the next day at the earliest before anyone really missed them. There was no help coming soon and he refused to allow himself to consider what would happen when dark fell. Periodically he called out to his little brother; but nothing changed.

Finally his hopes lifted when Kίli moaned.

"Kίli, wake up." Fίli wasn't even sure his brother was listening, or comprehending. He tried the one phrase he knew might break through; Kίli would always come to his rescue. "I need you, Kίli. Help me, nadadith."

Kίli groaned again, but this time raised his head. Someone had called him; a voice he should know; but he was in a fog and nothing made any sense over the ringing in his ears and the drumming in his head. He opened his eyes but clenched them shut quickly to block out the light that made the pain worse.

The youngest Durin was at a loss. He did not know where he was or why he was lying on the ground. In fact, all he was certain of was pain, everywhere, and the vague notion that someone had called him.

When he tried to push himself up from the ground, Kίli could not make his hands work. They were together and he could not pull them apart. He tried to understand what was happening, but darkness was lapping at the edges of his consciousness and he wanted nothing more than to give in to it, to go back to that place where he did not hurt. And yet, he pushed on because he knew he should recognize that voice.

Rolling onto his side, Kίli was able to raise his arms up. He stared at the rope binding his wrists, puzzled. It had to mean something, but that, too, was lost in the mist.

"Kίli!" Fίli's voice was strident as he tried to get his brother to concentrate. "Look at me, Kίli".

Turning his head towards the sound, Kίli blinked several times until he could focus on his brother standing at a tree.

"Fee? Whas oo do'n?" Kίli rasped groggily, throat raw from screaming and being choked.

Fίli could barely understand his brother's slurred words and that frightened him; but seeing Kili's face was even worse. Blood was crusted where it had run in small trails from the ragged gash across his bruised forehead. Fili reminded himself that head wounds always bled freely, but that did little to ease his worry.

"Kίli, I need you to untie me." Fίli spoke slowly and distinctly.

"Need ties?" Kίli guessed because Fίli's words made no sense to him.

"Untie," Fίli tried again. "Look at your hands. They're tied with rope. My hands are tied with rope. I need your help."

Slowly Kίli looked at his hands. "O-o-h". Now it made sense; that was why he could not get his hands apart. He tugged and twisted at the bonds but they did not budge.

"Kίli," Fίli was trying not to lose patience with his brother, remembering the things he had just been through. They were so close to being free and so much Fίli needed to do; but everything hinged on Kίli's help. "Just come here and untie me, then I'll free your hands."

"'k". Kίli pushed himself up on his forearms ignoring the clanging anvil in his head; but as he moved the world spun out of control. He clenched his eyes tightly waiting until the dizziness passed; but when Kίli tried to push himself up into a kneeling position, agony ripped straight up through his middle. Crying out he pitched forward landing hard on his forearms. Bile rose in his throat as his stomach heaved and he emptied its content onto the ground.

"Kίli!" Fίli's fear was raw in his voice as he watched his brother struggle. Vomiting after a head injury was never a good sign. He needed to get Kili home to Oin, even if there was little the healer could do for a concussion. "Don't try to stand. Can you crawl?"

It was awkward making his way across the clearing on forearms and knees through the sticks and leaves that left his skin scraped, but Kίli managed. Finally, when he was beside his big brother, he sagged against the tree, head down and panting as if he had no more energy.

"Kili." Fίli winced realizing that he sounded as if he were ordering a child around; but he knew his brother was barely holding on to consciousness. Calling his name got his attention helping him to focus and simple commands were easy to follow.

"Mmmmmm," was the only response.

"Boot knife, left boot. Get it." This action would be tricky with Kίli's current condition and his hands still tied, but there was no other choice.

On the third attempt Kίli was able to slip the knife from its sheath without cutting his brother.

"I'm going to squat down so you can reach the ropes without standing," Fίli explained. His shoulders burned from having his arms wrapped around the tree, muscles stiff after staying in one position for so long. Finally the older prince managed to slide his body down the tree until Kίli could reach his hands.

Holding the knife with bound hands was awkward enough. Slicing through rope without cutting Fίli was nigh impossible even with Kίli's arms bound in front of him; but eventually Kίli was able to free his brother with only a few cuts.

"Sorry," Kίli muttered dropping the blade as he slumped back against the tree exhausted from the effort.

'"S fine, thanks" Fίli smiled back shaking his hands to restore the circulation. Once he had reasonable feeling and control, he grabbed the knife from the ground and cut Kίli's bonds.

Relief washed over the older prince with the realization that they were both free now. He still needed to get them home, but that would wait until he hugged his little brother. It was their shared sign of comfort. From an early age his brother had craved touch and Fίli had spent many nights holding that dark head against his shoulder when Kίli was sad, or scared, or hurt. It was how they coped.

"Kee, I'm so glad this nightmare is over. Now we just need to get home," Fίli breathed a sigh of relief reaching out to his brother.

_'Nightmare._' The word was a knife cutting through the cobwebs of fog blurring Kίli's mind like a sword slicing through flesh and muscle laying bear bone, blood, and sinew. In that instant the memories of the past few hours surged forward like a mountain stream swollen with snow-melt engulfing the dwarf in the crystal clear reality of his recent humiliation.

As Fίli's arms wrapped around his brother's shoulders, Kίli reacted with more strength than his brother thought possible, forcefully shoving him away.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Kίli shrieked as he scrambled backwards out of reach.

Fίli stared in shocked disbelief at the unexpected reaction.

"I'm sorry, Kee," Fili fumbled for words. "What did I do? I was just going to hold you."

"Don't." Kίli shook his head, not meeting his brother's eyes. "I c-can't".

Fίli took a step forward, "But..."

"Leave me alone, Fίli." Kili paused and raised his head before adding, "Just go home." The devastation in those huge brown eyes cut Fίli to his core.

"We will, just as soon as you can stand up," Fίli tried to sound reassuring.

"No, you go home". Kίli replied in a flat voice. He shook his head, quickly regretting the movement as his world reeled again. Pressing his hands to the side of his head against the pain, he began to rock back and forth. He wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and disappear back into the darkness that unconsciousness would bring away from his memories.

"Kee?"

The raven-haired prince did not answer, merely dropped his hands to cover his mouth as his shoulders were wracked by sobs and tears ran down his cheeks.

Now Fίli was truly at a loss. This was the time when he should be holding his brother and soothing him, yet Kίli would not let him. He was not sure how to provide comfort.

"You don't think I'm going to leave you out here, do you?" Fίli tried to make it sound like a joke, lame though it was.

"You h-have n-no choice. I c-can't go h-home," Kίli's breath hitched as he spoke. "Thorin will d-disown me. I've s-shamed the l-line of Durin."

"Oh, Kee, no." Fίli reached out to his sibling only to stop just shy of contact when his brother flinched. "Thorin wouldn't do that."

"Yes, he w-would." Kίli sobbed, curling in upon himself again. "They raped me."

Fίli cringed at the plaintive cry knowing there was nothing he could do to relieve his baby brother's distress.

"No, Thorin will be livid. He'll want to hunt them down and kill them. You're the victim. You didn't have anything to do with it," Fili reasoned. "Thorin will understand."

"Understand?" Kίli's voice cracked as it escalated in volume. "When d-does he ever u-understand? Just one m-more time I haven't l-lived up to his e-expectations. Another d-disappointment to prove how u-unworthy I am."

_Thorin simply could not blame Kίli for this_. Fίli would not let him. If he had to fight Thorin over this, then so be it. He could be just as stubborn as both his brother and his uncle; apparently it ran in the line of Durin.

But Kίli was not finished, yet. "And the o-others who already s-say I'm not a true d-dwarf? They'll say I'm d-defiled, I don't d-deserve to be a p-price of Durin." Head bowed, he would not look up to meet his brother's worried gaze.

Once again Fili was at a loss because his brother was right about the bullies. Too many times they had heard the hurled accusations of elf-spawn because of Kili's height, or build, and features, not to mention his archery. Undoubtedly these fools would use this incident against the younger prince's honor.

As usual when upset, Kίli fisted his fingers in his disheveled hair, only to find the tangled mess where Brogen had cleaned himself.

"No!" the forlorn scream tore raggedly from his throat as he pulled his fingers from the crusted locks.

"It's all right, Kee." Fίli reassured.

As if he had not even heard, Kίli pulled the knife hidden in his other boot. Yanking a handful of soiled hair up he placed the knife at the base and slashed, dropping the severed lock to the ground.

"Don't," Fίli gasped diving forward to grip his brother's wrist before he could do any more damage.

"Let go," Kίli growled as he fought against the grip until Fίli dug his finger into a tendon forcing his brother's hold on the knife to loosen. Quickly the blonde grabbed the blade dropping it out of his brother's reach.

"Why did you stop me?"

"Because there's no reason to cut your hair. I'll wash it for you, I promise."

"It's a sign of my humiliation. I don't want it clean. I want it gone."

"No. Now shut it, Kee. We're going home ...together" Fίli stood, holding his hand out to his brother. "Stand up and get dressed while I see if Myrtle and Daisy were too lazy to run far."

Kίli stared at his brother's hand, then looked away. _Can't you just leave me alone? I didn't feel like arguing. Everything hurts, and I'm tired, so tired. I just want to sleep, where there's no pain...and I don't have to remember._

"Kίli, it's not an option. Take my hand." Fίli's tone left no room for discussion.

Too spent to argue, Kili accepted his brother's hand and allowed himself to be pulled upright. He groaned as a wave pain washed over him and flung his free hand out to steady himself against a tree as the world spun around again with the movement. He panted as he finally wrapped both arms around the trunk for support.

"Hold still," Fίli told him. "I'll pull your pants up so you don't fall over"

"No, I..." Kίli started.

"Hush. After all the times I changed your nappies, we swam in the river, and we shared the bath tub, it's too late to worry about modesty". Fίli stopped Kili's objection as he proceeded to redress his brother.

Once Kίli's clothes were back in order, Fίli frowned noting his brother's pallor beneath the purpling bruises on his face and neck.

"Will you be alright while I check on the ponies?" Fίli worried.

Kili nodded, not trusting his voice.

Shortly Fίli returned leading the two dwarven ponies. It seemed that they, like their masters, were meant for sturdy endurance and not flat-out runs, for they had not wandered far and had come to Fίli's call. The prince only hoped that this would be the turning point in their little adventure and they could make it home without further mishap.

Fίli noted that the ponies still carried their packs and supplies. Daisy had bolted and Myrtle had been driven away before the men thought to steal anything form the ponies. He grabbed a water flask and returned to his brother.

Kίli remained braced against the tree, head bowed, eyes closed, and arms hugging trunk to keep from falling.

"Let me clean your face before we leave," Fίli ripped a strip of fabric from his tunic and wet it then proceeded to wipe the dried blood from his brother's face. Kίli flinched at the touch, but Fίli could not tell if that was a reaction to the contact itself or from discomfort with the bruising and cut. The raven-haired prince said nothing as his brother worked although Fίli could feel the tenseness of his muscles and see the desolation in his eyes.

Finally satisfied that both of their open wounds had been cleansed with at least water and some of Oin's ointment applied, Fίli returned the water skin to his provisions then collected what little else the rogues had left before returning to his brother.

"I've got the ponies, Kee. Time to go." Fίli approached the tree, "You think you can ride?"

Kίli looked up, "I'll try." He pushed himself away from the tree.

Unsure of his brother's ability to walk, Fίli wanted to pick him up and carry him or at least wrap his arm around Kίli's waist for support but feared he would get the same reaction as earlier. Instead he hovered, afraid of being too close, but yet close enough to catch him if he fell.

It took only five shaky steps before Kίli's knees buckled and he collapsed, unconscious once more, into Fίli's waiting arms. The golden prince was torn between fear for his brother's wellbeing and gratitude that the trip home might not be so painful for Kίli now.

With some effort he managed to hoist Kίli onto Myrtle's back, his chest and head draped across her neck. Having secured his brother's hands to the saddle and feet to the stirrups, Fίli mounted Daisy and grasped Myrtle's reins. While he would have preferred riding double with him holding his brother, he feared how Kίli might react if he suddenly woke up in that position and did not want to take that risk.

Fίli knew from past experience that Kίli was quite adept at sleeping on his pony since the blonde always ended up with the lead rein. He could only hope being unconscious would be the same as sleeping; and besides, Myrtle was the calmer of the two ponies. They would not be able to move as swiftly as he had hoped, but they should still make Ered Luin before nightfall. A comforting thought since the Men scum had taken their swords and Kili's bow and arrows leaving them armed only with knives. And so they finally set out for home.

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**AN: **I rewrote and edited this chapter many times. I hope it turned out well. For the guest who asked: there are 28 chapters, so assuming 2 to 3 chapters per week that means 7 to 11 more weeks to go. Thanks for everyone who's read, reviewed, favorited, or followed. Please read &amp; review, let me know what you like and what you don't.


	7. Chapter 7

Home

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**Disclaimer: **No ownership inferred, no infringement intended, no profit gained.

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It took most of the remaining day to reach their village. The journey had been slower than Fίli would have liked but he wanted to make sure his brother did not fall from Myrtle's back. He was moderately concerned that Kili had not yet woken again, and the longer they traveled without any change in his brother's condition, the more the golden prince wanted to be home.

The sun was just beginning to dip below the top of the tree line as the horses passed through the gate and turned on the path leading up to their home. Bypassing the stable, Fίli rode straight to the door slipping from his pony's back and hitching the reins to a post. Carefully he loosed the restraints binding his brother to the saddle and gently lowered him into his arms.

Cradling his unconscious brother against his chest, Fίli opened the door flinging it wide and stepped into the room. Thorin looked up from his seat before the fireplace quickly taking in the situation.

"I'll get Oin," he said matter-of-factly before hurrying past his nephews and out the door. As much as he hated to admit it, this seemed to be a regular occurrence for the Durins, and frequently for the youngest. Thorin did not even wait for explanations, those would come later.

On hearing her brother's words, Dis stepped away from the kitchen catching a glimpse of her two sons.

"O, Kίli," she sighed as Fίli hurried by her to their bedroom.

He lowered his brother's limp body onto the bed then stepped back knowing his mother would want to look over her son.

Dis knealt beside the bed taking in Kίli's ragged state. His face had traces of dried blood from a cut across his forehead; while his disheveled hair was matted in places and appeared to be missing some.

"What happened?" she asked as she took in the livid bruises on his neck and apparent rope burns on his wrists.

Fίli gulped before answering, wiping his hands over his face. "Daisy spooked and threw him," he replied shakily.

As Dis turned to stare, with eyebrows raised, at her eldest, he added, "I'll explain it all later when everyone's here."

Dis nodded in agreement rising to pull the golden prince into a tight hug. "I know whatever happened, you took care of him as best you could." She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before leaving the room.

His mother's words cut like a knife as Fίli once again reflected on his inability to protect his baby brother, who now lay unconscious and brutally traumatized.

Before long Dis returned to the room with a pan of warm water and a rag.

"Might as well get him cleaned up so Oin can see all the damage." Dis carefully began washing the blood from her son's face.

A few moments later, Thorin barged into the room followed by the healer. Balin and Dwalin trailed behind but waited in the hallway by the door.

"Well now," the grey-haired healer began. "What kind o' trouble has young Kίli got hisself into this time?"

Dis stepped back allowing the healer access to his patient as everyone's eyes turned towards Fίli.

When no explanation was forthcoming, Thorin barked, "Well?"

Fίli jumped, shaken from his reverie; looking up he scanned the faces of his closest relatives before swallowing.

"Daisy spooked and threw him," he paused not wanting to go on. Fίli dropped his gaze to the ground fearing to meet their eyes as he forced out the next words. "Then three men... raped him."

For half a moment the room was deathly silent before Dis clasped her hands to her mouth and exclaimed, "Not my baby!" as tears began to flow from her eyes.

"What?" Thorin's tone was incredulous. The very thought was unbelievable and yet Fίli would not lie about his brother's injuries.

Oin proceeded to examine Kίli's head. "When he was thrown is this where he hit his head?" He indicated the forehead cut.

"N-no," Fίli managed ignoring his uncle's question. "Side of his head by his ear"

The healer nodded continuing to palpate the Dwarf's skull.

"And his forehead?" Oin queried.

"A-ah they slammed his head into a tree." Fίli pinched the bridge of his nose not really wanting to relive the whole horrible incident.

"Fίli, what did you say?" Thorin's words jerked the blonde back to reality as he grabbed the younger's arm.

"They r-raped him."

"Durin's beard," Thorin bellowed. "Who? Tell me who? I'll kill them. I'll...

"Out! All o' you. Now!" Oin's command cut across the words.

Dwalin stepped into the room taking the furious Dwarf leader by the shoulders. "Thorin, come." He tried to pull the exiled king towards the door. "Now."

Abruptly Thorin turned and allowed himself to be guided into the front room. Dis and Balin followed behind them. Yet Fίli remained.

As Oin glared at him, he offered, "I promise to be quiet".

The healer nodded and returned to his patient.

Some time later Oin and Fίli returned to the sitting room where the mood was somber and quiet. Dis, once more in reserved, stoic princess mode moved to place cups of tea in their hands, noting that Fίli's wrists were now covered by Oin's clean bandages.

"Well, Oin?" Thorin asked.

The healer sipped his tea before answering. He had done this for years, telling families the details of a loved one's injuries; and there was always regret over having to deliver bad news. He was definitely no stranger at telling the Durins about injuries and ailments since the boys, especially Kίli, had had their share of mishaps. Only this time was different as the healer thought about the circumstances surrounding his young cousin's injuries.

"Apparently Kίli hit his head in two different places. I stitched the forehead cut e'n tho' it happened a while ago. Fίli did a good job o' cleaning it 'n' applying ointment. The side o' his head didn't need sewing- jist a big knot from bruising under tha skin, t'will heal on its own. I've no doubt he has a concussion, possibly two. 'N' that's my main concern now." He paused for another drink of tea before continuing.

"There are bruises on his throat where they tried ta strangle him, 'n' rope burns 'round his wrists. He also has bruises on tha front 'n' back o' his hips. 'N' Fίli was right,...his brother was brutally violated...to the point of tearing. I've done what I can."

Dis stifled a gasp and then silence hung over the small room as the dwarrow contemplated the healer's words, each lost to their own thoughts.

Finally Thorin spoke, "What happened, Fίli?"

Much as he hated doing it, Fίli dutifully recounted the events of the last two days from arriving in the town through the incident in the forest. To his surprise, his story was not interrupted by questions. The only sounds other than Fίli's voice were Khuzdal curses, the sound of Dwalin slamming his fist into his open palm, and Dis's quiet crying. When the story concluded, the room fell silent.

"Would ya recognize 'em ag'in, lad?" Dwalin finally asked clenching his fists.

Fίli nodded.

"We need ta hunt 'em down," the War Master growled.

"No," Thorin replied. "I'll not leave 'til Kίli wakes.

"But what if..." Balin stopped mid-sentence at Thorin's glare.

"What do we say 'bout Kίli's injuries?" Dwalin queried. "Surely tha guards will be askin'."

Thorin looked around the room before replying.

"Nothing. We say nothing of what really happened." These were not the words of an uncle worried for his kin. Rather this was the command of their King-in-exile. "We say what Fίli did. Kίli was thrown from his pony, hit his head. None, outside our family, needs know more. I would spare my sister-son the reproach of being labeled makhlel banarȃl."

There was more discussion but Fίli paid little heed, lost in his own thoughts, until the strain of the recent events caught up with him. Yawning, he stood and excused himself for the evening. There was one final task he had before he could rest. He had promised to wash Kίli's hair.

It took longer that he had expected but at last Fίli had bathed his brother, washed his hair, and dressed him in clean night clothes. It wasn't much and it did not come close to making up for not protecting him, but it was the best Fίli could offer for now.

"You have to wake up, Kee, please" he whispered softly as if he might disturb the sleeping Dwarf.

Fίli looked up as his mother entered the room. She crossed to him drawing him into a hug, "Go and bathe, relax. I will keep watch."

In clean clothes and free from the grime of the road Fίli felt better if still exhausted. He returned to his room to find his mother seated next to his brother's bed. She hummed softly as she stroked Kίli's hair.

The golden prince crossed the room dropping his hand to his mother's shoulder. She looked up smiling then stood to change places with her son. Before leaving she bent to kiss the top of his head.

"The line of Durin is strong. We will endure." Quietly Dis left.

Fίli could feel sleep pulling at his mind; but he would not leave his brother's bedside. He lay his head down on the edge of the bed, yet feared he would not rest this night, certain that in his dreams he would hear his baby brother's anguished cries.

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**AN:** Makhlel banaral- one who has survived rape (literally- victim).

Reviews are always welcome and highly encouraged.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Waiting

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything (other than OCs) nor do I profit.

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It had been four days since Fίli carried his brother's limp body into their home and laid him on his bed. Four days since the family's sitting room had become a gathering place for those waiting for the raven-haired prince to wake. Four days of vigil where Fili left Kίli's bedside only when forced by Dis or Thorin, eating his sparse meals there, and taking what rest he could from a chair, his head lying on the bed next to his brother. And four days since Oin had explained Kίli's concussion to Fίli by stating, "**IF** Kίli wakes," and not when.

Four days became a blur to the lion prince. One where he barely remembered recounting what had happened in the forest, disregarded Thorin's ranting, and found no words to comfort his mother, for he spent his entire time watching Kίli. Oin had mentioned that even when someone was unconscious, they could frequently hear what was said to them. And so Fίli spent hours talking to his baby brother, remembering their antics as dwarflings and adventures on the training field, and begging his brother to wake, to not leave him alone.

For four days Fίli watched his brother lie on his back, unmoving, with livid bruises encircling his throat and bandages wrapping his wrists and forehead. The position itself was unnerving for Kίli never slept on his back unless he was gravely ill or injured. Instead the youngest Durin preferred to sprawl across the bed halfway between stomach and side with his bottom arm and leg extended and his upper leg bent at the knee and hip; his upper arm flexed and resting under his chin. It was a modified version of how Kίli had slept as a dwarfling when his nightmares left him trembling and he climbed into Fili's bed to drape himself over his brother. Additionally, Kίli was never still when he slept as his brother knew well from one bright spot in the whole terrible situation was that neither of the princes had developed infections in their wounds for which Fίli was extremely thankful. Although it was small consolation when his brother was so uncharacteristically still and quiet.

Fίli was dozing in his chair, head cradled on his arms at the edge of the bed when he felt something brush his arm. At first he thought he was dreaming, but decided to take a look. When he opened his eyes, he was staring into his brother's huge brown doe eyes.

"Kίli, thank Mahal," Fίli beamed sitting up. "You're awake." He quickly rose and threw his arms around his brother's neck before thinking back to Kίli's reaction the last time he had tried to hold him.

"I was so afraid," he whispered as Kίli returned the hug weakly. "How do you feel?" Fίli asked moving back to look at his brother.

"Head hurts," Kίli rasped, throat sore from abuse and thirst.

"No doubt, nadadith. You've been unconscious for four days." Fίli smiled. "Probable concussion."

Kίli frowned, rubbing a hand across his eyes, and then staring at his bandaged wrist. "What happened?"

Fίli looked puzzled. _How could Kίli not remember what had happened? Was it the concussion? _Fίli schooled his expression before asking, "What do you remember?"

The raven haired prince closed his eyes in thought, trying to sift through hazy memories. His head thrummed threatening to drown out his thoughts. Kίli crinkled his nose as he chewed on his lower lip in concentration.

"A trip...ponies...coming home." Kίli saw only bits and pieces. "Man village...an inn...food." He paused, and then opened his eyes to look questioningly at his brother. "Waking up here...That's all."

Fίli had not realized he was holding his breath until Kίli finished. He exhaled slowly trying to decide how much to reveal. "Not bad...Daisy spooked and threw you...so, the concussion". The elder prince left his explanation vague knowing that it would not stand up to close scrutiny; it certainly did not address the bandaged wrists. To forestall any further questions he added, "Guess I better tell them you're awake."

Within minutes Dis and Thorin ran into the room overjoyed to see Kίli awake and responsive. Dis hugged and kissed her youngest while smoothing his hair. Thorin squeezed his shoulder and actually smiled while everyone tried to talk at once.

Oin, who had stopped by to check on his patient, hung back in the doorway until the initial reunion was over then joined the group around Kίli's bed. He needed to examine his patient, but first handed the prince a glass of water to help with dehydration. Thorin raised his nephew off the bed enough for him to drink and Kίli thought water had never tasted so good, even if his throat was sore.

The healer methodically began his assessment. By the time he had finished poking, prodding, and asking questions, Kίli's eyelids were beginning to droop. Accordingly Oin shooed everyone from the room, including Fίli who promised to return shortly, and instructed the younger prince to rest promising more than water the next time he woke.

Once back in the sitting room, Oin addressed the family. "Tis good he's finally awake, tho' he is complaining o' a headache 'n' ringing in his ears. Both reasonable after a concussion, but I would rather they not continue after four days."

"What are you thinking?" Thorin demanded bluntly glaring at the healer.

"Well, with severe concussions we sometimes see these symptoms for prolonged periods. I have not done a thorough examination, so there could be other problems that we do not know, yet." Oin knew better than to sugarcoat his findings for Thorin.

"Other things?" Dis pinned the healer with a pointed glare.

"Aye," Oin continued. "Dizziness, nausea, balance problems...personality changes." His gaze held each of the three Durins in turn.

"But they'll go away with time, right?" Fίli asked his blue eyes filled with worry.

"Not necessarily. From what you told us Kίli suffered two blows ta the head in a short period o' time," Oin replied soberly. "There could be lasting problems from that...I'm sorry, but we will jist have ta wait and see."

"He doesn't remember what happened," Fίli blurted out, worried that the amnesia might have some bearing on the outcome.

"Perfectly understandable," Oin counseled. "Given the trauma, he may or may not ever remember what happened on his own. Sometimes that is how our brain tries ta protect us."

"Mahal, please let him never remember," Fίli breathed a prayer that his baby brother would never know the things that had been done to him that day. That it forever remain in Kίli's mind just an accident with the pony.

"That might not be for tha best, lad," Oin replied softly shaking his head. "I said 'twas how our brains try ta protect us, not what was best for us. Even if we cannot recall events, they remain in our memories; 'n' sometimes they have ways of working themselves out that are far more detrimental than dealing with tha original problem."

"I told him he was thrown from a pony," Fίli added noting the beginnings of an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Well," Oin continued. "Kίli's smart enough ta know that those are rope abrasions on his wrists. He'll know there's more ta the story. He just may not want ta acknowledge it." The healer paused trying to choose his next words carefully. "Someone better have an explanation before he has ta relieve himself for the first time...There will be pain 'n' possibly blood."

"Then I should just go on and tell him what happened," Fili volunteered, not really wanting the job, but understanding that he was the one that needed to do it.

"No!" Thorin bellowed. "You will not tell your brother what happened."

"But, Uncle..." Fili started to question.

"Oin said that he might never remember," Thorin fixed his nephew with a glare. "I will not have you telling him that he was defiled by men. If he remembers, we will deal with it, but we will not add to his disgrace by explaining it to him."

"Thorin, I am not.." Dis tried to reason with her brother.

"I have decided!" Thorin slammed his fist on the table.

Silence reigned in the room for several minutes before Oin continued with his instructions as if there had been no interruption.

"Just watch him closely. Make him take things slowly." Oin smiled and shook his head. Kίli never took things slowly, not even healing. "Willowbark tea for the headache if he needs it; and the next time he wakes, try some broth, carefully. Don't know yet how his stomach will react. I will check back on him, but send if you need me."

After the healer left, Dis and Fίli shared a look across the room, neither entirely comfortable with the decision to hide the truth from Kίli. For the present they would not push the issue; this was the first time the young prince had woken. Perhaps his memories would return. Only once they knew that the amnesia continued would they take a stand against Thorin.

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**AN: **Nadadith- little brother

As always, thanks for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. Remember, reviews are the only way to know how I am doing, what you like, and what you don't like. They are also greatly appreciated (if I can write 1500 words, surely you can write a few words).


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sequelae

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-**AN:** **Warning- **allusion to bodily functions

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, I don't own any of the characters (except my OCs) nor do I profit.

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The next weeks were fraught with turmoil and disappointment that grated on the nerves of everyone in the family. Despite Oin's warning, everyone wanted to believe that Kίli would be up to his old tricks as soon as his strength returned. But that was not to be.

Kίli gave no sign of returning memories. Dis, Thorin, Fίli, and Oin had all talked with the raven prince about the incident. He still gave no indication of remembering, and yet, he did not ask about his bandaged wrists nor the numerous other scrapes and bruises he had sustained. Thorin took this to mean that only the physical side effects of the concussion need be addressed. Dis, Fίli, and Oin were not as sure, but would let Kίli come to them with his concerns first.

Thorin, Dis, the healer, and their cousins had seen firsthand the devastating effects possible from head injuries during war, how lives were changed ranging from the inability to walk or talk all the way to convulsions. Even Fili knew Bifur who now spoke only Khuzdul, and sometimes even that was incomprehensible, since an axe had been imbedded in his forehead. It was almost inconceivable to the Durins, especially Fίli, that their grinning, happy, innocent prankster Kίli might be forever changed by the recent events. And yet, fate never had seemed to smile on the royal line.

Kίli's headaches continued; not a day passed without some pain. Much of the time it was just a dull discomfort, aggravating, but bearable and usually relieved by willowbark. At other times the pain was a throbbing pulse drumming through his head and making him more irritable the longer it persisted. Then there were the severe ones with excruciating pain that forced him into bed in a quiet, dark room, light and noise intensifying the distress. They learned early on that during these episodes it was best for Kili not to eat, for very little remained in his stomach. Thankfully the severe headaches were infrequent, and even if they were incapacitating, Oin made an elixir from rye fungus that lessened both the symptoms and the duration.

The headaches were troubling, but they were not the most concerning aftermath of the concussions. No, what was more problematic was the dizziness, when Kili's world abruptly skewed off balance leaving him clenching his eyes and reaching out for stability. The disorientation often accompanied the extreme headaches providing another reason for bed rest. It was, however, the spontaneous episodes of vertigo that were most frightening.

The first time it happened, was after an evening meal. Fίli was washing the dishes that his brother cleared from the table. For once Kίli was even being careful to carry them from table to sink instead of simply tossing them to his brother. Kίli picked up two plates then turned half-circle to place them on the counter when suddenly his world slipped sideways in a spin. He closed his eyes hoping to regain his bearings by stopping visual input. Unfortunately, this did little to reorient him.

Already unbalanced in mid-turn and lightheaded, Kili began to fall. Blindly he threw his arm out trying to grasp something for stability. His hand slapped the back of a chair slowing his descent; but the plate in his hand broke against the chair slicing a gash in the fleshy base of his thumb. As his knees slammed into the floor, Kίli dropped the other plate which crashed and shattered an instant before the chair fell backwards with a thud.

"Fίli! Kίli!" Thorin bellowed from the other room certain that the boys were misbehaving.

"Not my dishes," Dis sounded exasperated as she rose to check on her kitchen. It would have been less trouble to clean up by herself rather than trust the boys not to play around.

"Kίli?" Fili's anguished cry brought both adults running.

When they reached the room, they found Kίli kneeling, sitting back on his heels, surrounded by the broken dishes and overturned chair. He cradled his head in his hands as blood dripped from his right palm. Fili knelt beside his brother, arm around his shoulder.

Of course Oin came. He examined Kίli, stitched up his hand, and asked innumerable questions before determining that the dizzy spell was probably related to the concussion. He warned them to be aware that the episodes could recur at any time and to be prepared, then recommended sweet wood for after effects.

Thorin and Dis spent the rest of the evening discussing ways to keep the youngest safe. Kίli stayed in his room frightened by what had happened...and pouting. Once Fίli finished cleaning the kitchen, he joined his brother.

"Feeling better, Kee?" he asked upon entering the room.

Kίli looked up from where he sat cross-legged on the bed, leant back on pillows piled in the corner. This was his favorite place, especially for brooding.

He shook his head, dropping his gaze once again and allowing his raven hair to fall across his face.

"Fire and forge, Fίli, what happened to me?" His voice shook.

Fίli quickly sat down by his brother pulling him close so that Kίli's head rested on his shoulder. He ran his fingers through the dark hair. Fίli felt a shudder run through Kίli's smaller frame, but his brother did not pull away.

"Oin says it's just the aftermath of the concussions," Fίli answered.

"First the headaches started, and sometimes I'm dizzy with the real bad ones. Now I'm dizzy for no reason," Kίli's pitch got higher. "It's not fair. What am I supposed to do?"

"You're right. It isn't fair, and I'm sorry, but that's how life is sometimes." Fίli tried to calm his little brother before things escalated. "We'll get through this, just like we always do."

"Easy for you to say," Kίli grumped. "You don't have to worry about these cursed headaches or falling down from dizziness."

"No, I have to worry about you, and your headaches, and your dizzy spells," Fίli smiled. "And your grumpiness, and your pouting, and..."

"Not funny, Fee." Kίli interrupted. He pushed back to look at his brother. "I'm scared." His lower lip trembled. "How will I train,...or fight,...or hunt? What if I get dizzy during practice with Mister Dwalin?" His big brown eyes were wet with unshed tears.

"I don't know, Kee; but we'll work it out. I promise." Fίli pulled his brother back into a hug. "Now quit worrying and get some sleep. You'll feel better."

Fίli waited until Kίli got ready for bed, then tucked him in just as he had so many times when they were dwarflings. "G'nite, Kee."

"'Nite."

Not really interested in the discussion between his mother and uncle, the golden prince walked slowly to his own bed and prepared for sleep knowing it would be a long time in coming. His gut clenched over his baby brother's pain and fear for he had no answers to those burning questions. And his mind filled with a thousand 'what if...' scenarios all wrapped up with his guilt over not having been able to protect Kίli in the first place.

_Never again. _Fίli promised himself. _Never again will I let Kίli get hurt. I'll protect him no matter the cost._

While Fίli was lost in his thoughts, across the room Kίli had his own reflections..

_What else happened on that road? I asked. I gave Fee a chance and he ignored it, just talked about the concussion. This didn't all happen 'cause I hit my head...the cuts, the bruises,...my wrists...my neck. I know there's more. It's there lurking just past the edge of thought, and every time I think it's within my grasp it slips away again._

Kίli shoved his hand into his mouth to stifle any noise as tears spilled from his eyes. He might not remember the details of the incident, probably his mind's way of protecting him, but he could not forget the unbelievable pain he had felt the first time he had relieved himself after regaining consciousness. Thankfully he had been alone in the house and had told no one, not even his brother. He just hoped that some sleep would push those thoughts back out of conscious memory.

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**AN: **willowbark- contains ASA, the major component in aspirin

sweet wood - licorice (revives the senses after dizzy spells and fainting).

rye fungus- yields an ergot used to treat migraines

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review- those little notes make my day.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Kili's Not the Same

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**Disclaimer:** I own nothing (except OCs) and do not profit.

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In the days that came Fίli watched his little brother. He knew, along with Dis and Thorin, that despite Kίli's protestations otherwise, things were not just fine. He had noticed the forced smile and the lack of mischievous gleam in his sibling's eyes.

The raven-haired prince was far quieter than normal as if his natural exuberance had been doused. He rarely bounced on his feet anymore and even his speech slowed; words no longer tumbled from his lips one atop another as if he would burst before he got them out. He did not argue about Balin's classes, not that he was any more attentive, just less vocal.

If Fίli suggested they go somewhere, Kίli readily agreed, but did not suggest outings on his own. It had been weeks since the little hellion had even pulled a practical joke. Oh, he would help his brother if asked, but no longer initiated them. Kίli hadn't even grumbled when Thorin told him to muck the stables, just replied, "Yes, Uncle," not even looking up.

The change in Kίli cast a cloud over the entire house. He had been the light and heart of the entire family. And now, without his crazy antics and wild charm, each of the Durins fell back into their old familiar patterns. Thorin brooded and his temper rose to the surface more often. Dis went about her work quiet and restrained, no longer needing to take her wild youngest to task over a hundred things a day. And Fili retreated into his somber role of responsible heir.

The family and their cousins had all discussed the radical change in the youngest Durin for it had not gone unnoticed by those outside the immediate family either. Balin thought Kίli seemed preoccupied when at class and Dwalin noted a hesitance on the training field, once Oin permitted, that was more than just a fear of dizziness. The healer reminded them that personality changes were a possible aftermath of the concussions. He also mentioned that the prince's actions might be tied to his inability to remember what had happened, either because of the concussions or because his mind would not allow him to deal with those memories just yet. Thus the 'give it time' attitude persisted, reinforced by Thorin's adamant refusal to reveal anything to Kίli that the prince did not recall on his own.

As the days grew colder heading toward the frigid Ered Luin winter Dis voiced her concern to Thorin that Kίli had not been hunting. Accordingly there was no stockpile of dried meat for when hunting would be futile. They had known lean winters and hunger in the past, but once Kίli had taken up archery, there had been more meat for their family as well as the rest of the village. They were relying on the young Durin's proficiency again this year. Thorin reassured her that he would speak to Fίli about setting traps and taking his brother hunting.

That night as they were preparing for bed, Fίli, at Thorin's bidding, broached the subject of a hunting trip.

Hey, Kee. Wouldn't you like to have some fresh deer meat?"

"I guess," the answer was flat and not at all how he normally would have responded.

"Then let's go hunting tomorrow," Fίli suggested. "Soon it'll be winter and we could use some meat stores."

Kίli stopped and looked at his brother as a smile started to form, but then he turned back to what he was doing. "Nah. I...What if I get a bad headache or a dizzy spell out in the woods?...Better not."

Fίli rounded on his brother grabbing him by the arm and turning him until they were facing. "So, I might get burned, I better not go to the forge? I could get cut training with Mister Dwalin, does that mean I can quit practicing?" The harsh words flew out before Fili could stop them...or temper them.

Kili stepped back, eyes wide. He pulled his arm from his brother's grasp.

"That's up to you," Kili mumbled, once again turning away.

Fίli was shaken to his core, first that he had lashed out. But more importantly because Kίli was letting it drop. His brother never backed down from a fight. This was just so not right. He desperately missed the baby brother he had spent seventy years with, and he wanted him back.

"I'm sorry, nadadith. I didn't mean..." Fίli reached out for Kίli's shoulder and felt his brother stiffen at the touch.

"Didn't you? Really?" Kili snapped without turning around. When Fίli did not respond, he continued, voice low, almost a whisper, "I ... can't go. I'm...scared."

"Scared of what?" Fίli felt the shoulder shake underneath his hand.

Kίli hunched his shoulders pulling away from this brother and bowed his head before answering. "I...I don't know. But I can't go."

Fili started to wrap his arms around his brother as he usually did when comforting the younger. "I'll be with you. I won't let anything happen."

Kίli stepped away shrugging out of the grasp before Fίli could pull him into the inevitable hug.

"Leave off, Fili." Kili's tone turned cold and hard, brooking no further conversation.

Fίli stood staring at his brother's back. The hunched shoulders and bowed head with hair obscuring his face were telltale signs that Kίli was hurting, and under normal circumstances he would have welcomed his big brother's hug and support. Only nothing had been normal for weeks now.

Silently admitting that he had failed, Fίli crossed back to his bed, cursing under his breath. He had been so close. Kίli had almost smiled, almost opened up before he had dropped back into that place where he was untouchable.

_Untouchable_. Fili pondered the word. That was exactly what Kίli had become: untouchable. It was as if he had walled himself off from the world, and not just the physical touch part either. Emotionally the raven prince had become reserved, no longer open and sharing. Fίli desperately needed to find out what was going on with Kili, and how to fix it before he lost his brother altogether.

_Kίli had mentioned being scared. But what was he afraid of? It couldn't be the headaches or dizziness as he had claimed. After all, he would be there with his brother in cas_e _something did happen. Did he mean he was afraid of the woods_?..._No, it had to be more than that...Something that happened that day on the way home? Could Kίli have remembered?... Probably not... he would have reacted differently. Even in the woods, he hadn't wanted to be touched but he had not been so cold and hostile. That had been more like panic; but this...this was more withdrawal, as if he did not have the energy to engage in life as he once did...or as if he no longer felt like trying._

Fili felt certain that when Kili remembered, it would be much more painful for them both than this little spat tonight had been. It was not something that he was looking forward to, but right now, he would gladly endure any pain if it just brought his happy, carefree baby brother back.

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**AN: **This chapter is a little shorter than the others, but it sets the stage for later events. Thanks for reading, and please review


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Kili's Thoughts

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own _The Hobbit; _I only play in Middle Earth and I do not profit.

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Somewhere his world had been ripped apart and Kίli could not remember how or why. He knew it had something to do with the trip where Daisy had thrown him giving him a bad concussion. Not that he could really recollect that happening, but that's how Fίli had explained it. The raven-haired prince was certain there was more to the story, things that Fili had not told him; and that hurt because his brother never lied to him.

It was not just the cursed headaches or the spells of vertigo that bothered him. This went deeper, past the purely physical, down to the core of his being. There was an edginess that never went away, a thinly veiled anxiety lying just beneath conscious recall. Whenever he tried to remember, it was as if he were working on a puzzle where big chunks were missing. Plus the pieces he had never fit together because the shapes kept morphing and changing. It was just frustrating knowing there was something there but unable to grasp it.

Sometimes it seemed that the more he thought about that day, trying to recall the events, the worse the headaches became, as if his body were warning him away from discovering the truth. At that point, Kίli could only shove the nagging thoughts away, letting them slip back into the shadows of his mind until the physical problems diminished and he could once again try to remember.

Yet there was more, something that made the prince shy away from physical contact like his brother's hugs. At times just the thought of being touched made his skin crawl and his stomach churn. Kίli tried to mask that reticence around his family. Uncle Thorin was not too hard; as the dwarflings had aged his demonstrations of affection had dwindled. Now on occasion he would ruffle the boys' hair; but more likely he would slap the back of their heads when they did not live up to his rigorous standards. His mother, Dis, on the other hand, expected her daily shows of affection. But a quick hug or kiss on the cheek usually sufficed and Kili could generally manage that much.

The real problem was with his brother. Because the two had been inseparable, Fίli knew him better than he knew himself and could read his mind by an expression or a touch. Almost from the moment of Kίli's birth, Fίli had declared himself his baby brother's protector, thus he was often the one comforting Kίli through nightmares and thunderstorms, hurts and fevers. Many times Kili had cried on his brother's shoulder or spent the night curled close to Fίli when fears chased sleep away. Seeking comfort and support from his brother was almost a reflex. Now he felt an overwhelming need to avoid the intimacy that he had once craved. Whenever Fίli tried to pull him into a hug, he could feel his muscles tense. He tried to fight the urge because he had seen the pain in his brother's blue eyes when he flinched at a touch. Sometimes he managed to control it; but more often not.

While Kίli's reluctance for physical contact upset his brother, it also isolated him, effectively removing one of the major coping skills he had utilized his entire life. He could not even confide in his brother without risking some physical expression of comfort; and so he started keeping things to himself. They both knew it was happening, but neither were willing to broach the subject.

Kίli remembered life before the accident when he had been happy and cheerful, always enthusiastic, headstrong, and, as his mother said, reckless. Now those things were just too much effort for the youngest Durin. Pranks and practical jokes no longer interested him. There was no longer joy in tramping through the woods or climbing trees. Instead of being carefree, now he was filled with anxiety and unknown fear, headaches and dizziness.

Kίli had always thought he was a disappointment to his family, especially when compared to his golden brother. Fίli was smart, studious, responsible, and dedicated; just the opposite of Kίli, who was forever trying to live up to Thorin's standards, but falling short. And now, he felt awkward and out of place as if he did not even belong in his own family.

Kίli hated the dwarf he had become, and yet, he did not know how to change things back to the way they were before. Oin had been no help blaming everything on the concussion; and even if that were true, the healer had offered no solutions to help improve things. He needed to speak with the two dwarrow that might be able to help him understand what was happening.

Kίli stood in front of Bifur and Bofur's toy shop a long time before fighting down the urge to simply leave. When he finally did enter the shop, Bofur greeted him cordially.

"So ya finally decided ta come in, did ya?" Bofur flashed his trademark smile.

Kίli nodded, trying to decide how to word what he wanted to say.

Bofur eyed the prince, never having known Kίli to be tongue-tied before, except when he was in trouble. The dwarf's eyes widened beneath his ridiculous hat as a thought struck him.

"O lad, dinna tell me ya've done somethin' wrong and ya need me ta hide ya from Thorin, cause'n I...

Kίli shook his head before the toymaker could finish.

"Well, that's good then," Bofur beamed. After another awkward silence, he continued smiling. "Ya know, ya had me fooled. I thought ya was our youngest prince; but tha Kili I know woudda already spit out what he wanted, laughed, 'n' been gone."

Kili smiled at the joke. "Sorry...but...can I ask you something?"

"O, sure, sure. C'mon ta the back," Bofur turned and led the way hoping the privacy might make it easier for the prince to speak.

As they passed behind the curtain separating the store proper from the work area, Kίli noted Bifur seated at the work bench diligently carving a figure. The craftsman looked up long enough to nod. The raven-haired prince nodded back in return focused on the axehead in Bifur's skull.

"Sit," Bofur motioned to an empty spot at the bench. "Would ya be wantin' some tea? Just brewed it?"

Kίli really did not want any but knew he might need something to get himself through this conversation. He nodded in response.

Bofur returned with two mugs setting one before his guest and one at his place as he sat down across from the young Dwarf.

"Thanks," Kίli mumbled, still resisting the urge to bolt from the toyshop. "I want to ask you about...Bifur's ...head...wound...and...how it changed him," he finally managed.

Bofur nodded, things beginning to come into focus. He knew about the accident with the pony, the concussion; but had had little contact with the raven-haired dwarf since the incident. He had heard that Kίli was not his old cheerful self. From what the toymaker had seen so far, he thought that might have been an understatement.

"Well, now, Bif rarely spoke Khuzdal afore tha axe; 'n' now that's all he speaks. 'N' even that don' always make sense."

Kίli nodded, that much he already knew. "But did...his personality...change?"

"O aye, it did. He used ta be quicker ta anger. Now he's quieter, less'n somethin' riles him. But once he's riled up, thar's no stoppin' 'im. 'N' afore, 'e'd a n'er had tha patience for this work." Bofur reflected on his cousin's post-trauma life.

"Have you ever asked him what it feels like?...Before and after, I mean?" Kίli continued.

Bofur rubbed his beard. "Can't say that I have. But y'er welcome ta ask 'im yerself. Long as ya kin understand 'is answers."

Turning to his brother, Bofur said, "Young Kίli here wants ta know 'bout yer axe 'n' 'ow it changed ya."

Bifur looked at his brother before replying in Khuzdal, "Not deaf. Heard him."

Bofur rose from the bench chuckling, "I'll leave ya two ta talk then. Call me if'n ya need me ta translate." And with that the toymaker was gone leaving the young prince with the wounded warrior.

It took a while using Khuzdal and Iglishmek, especially since Kίli's grasp of the two was not the best and the older dwarf's ramblings were not always coherent. When the raven prince left the toyshop he had come to two conclusions. First, he would never be exactly the same again; and second, he would adapt because that was what Dwarrow did, even if he did not know how that would look.

Mahal had fashioned Dwarves from stone meaning they were sturdy and solid, standing firm. And just as the mountains they called home rose above the rest of Arda, tall and implacable, so were the Dwarves steady, stern, and unyielding. Besides he was of the line of Durin; there was no other option for the prince except to adapt. Kίli wished he felt stronger now instead of uncertain, ungrounded, and crumbling inside. He knew that it would take a while for him to adjust, but for now it was time to understand the changes that had been wrought in his life and to make peace with them...even if he had to do it alone.

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**AN: **So, is Kili's psychological damage worse than the physical trauma was? Things will escalate from here. Thanks to everyone who's R&amp;Ring. Don't forget to review, please- that's the coin of the realm to fanfic writers.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Wayward Arrows

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**AN:** Thanks to those who have reviewed and raised a couple of questions- I've tried to address those concerns in this chapter; hope it helps.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own the rights to Middle Earth; but I love playing there and don't receive any profit from it.

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For once Fili finished weapons' practice early. Either he had done extremely well or Mister Dwalin had other business. Not that the reason why mattered to the prince, he was just glad for the extra time for he had a mission himself; and it had to be done before the time he usually finished practice. He had been working on this plan for a while and was hopeful that everything would fall into place today.

The golden prince knew better than anyone the razor thin blade edge on which his brother balanced; knew beyond a doubt that at some point Kίli would remember that day in the forest. Fίli had promised himself that he would be there for his brother when those horrible memories broke through, shattering Kίli's world once again.

It had been a source of contention with their uncle. Thorin had wanted to track down the men as soon as Kίli regained consciousness; but Fίli had refused to leave his brother, and they needed Fίli to identify the rogues. Thorin was livid at his heir's refusal, but after seeing Kίli's fragile state, both physically and emotionally, he had agreed to wait knowing that the delay would most likely last through the winter due to snow-blocked passes. The elder Dwarrow had not been pleased, but would not force his heir into leaving his brother, even if it meant there was no justice for Kili at this point.

Fίli was still torn over his decision to obey Thorin's order, to not tell his brother the truth of what happened, and his own gut reaction to explain it all. Secretly he hoped Kίli would never know, not only to protect the younger Durin but also because then he would have to openly deal with his guilt for not being able to keep Kίli safe. Either way the golden prince would not be leaving his brother in the village to hunt the men, he needed to be close to Kili.

Shaking away his thoughts, Fili quickly stored the practice blades. They had worked on a new tactic today and he wasn't ready for a live steel run through, yet. He sheathed his own dual blades and sprinted from the training grounds. By the time he reached the archery range he was out of breath; but he smiled seeing that his little brother was still there. He stopped far enough back so as not to alert Kili to his presence.

For years the brothers had trained together, each watching the other spar with Mister Dwalin and then against each other. It had taken some time after the incident for Oin to allow Kili to return to weapons' practice, especially with his unpredictable dizzy spells. When Oin deemed his brother ready for practice, Fili expected things to return to normal; but once again it seemed that 'normal' was to have a different meaning.

Kili no longer came to watch Fili's practice. He insisted that it was easier for him to be on the archery range while Fili worked with swords and axes. Neither had Kili spent much time with Mister Dwalin, just enough to keep Thorin from saying anything. Most days he claimed a headache or dizziness kept him from practice. Fili had begun to wonder what was really going on.

Fili moved to a place where he would not be easily visible to his brother and sank to the ground. This was really Kili's private archery range since he was the only dwarf in Ered Luin to wield a bow. Thorin could shoot, but was usually too busy with other things to practice. Besides the leader of the Ered Luin Dwarrow did not want to appear too elvish.

Kili had just refilled his quiver for another round and walked back to take his position. Fili liked to watch his brother shoot, his form and skill on the range. In one fluid movement Kili pulled an arrow, knocked it, sighted, and let fly. Fili watched as the missile flew- straight past the target on the right side.

Kili cursed in Khuzdul.

Fili sat up blinking his eyes, not believing what he had just witnessed. Kili missed the target. The whole target. Kili never missed. He was an excellent archer with impeccable aim. Fili had watched his brother take down running bucks with a single shot and fire deadly arrow after arrow against orcs. Surely he had seen wrong.

Once again Kili went through the ritual. This time there was a definite 'thunk' as the arrow bit into the target. Fili expected a bull's eye; yet the arrow quivered in the outer ring.

Kili cursed again.

Now Fili sat up rigidly paying close attention to what transpired on the archery field. He watched his brother repeat the steps then loose the arrow. Everything looked good to Fili, not that he was an expert; but Kili had tried to teach him the basics before. This arrow flew over the target.

Kili railed again stringing curses together.

The blonde prince began to have an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. _What's wrong with Kili? He never misses. Now he's missing the whole target. He wasn't THIS bad when he first started. Could the concussions have affected his perception? His aim?...Or was there something else?_

Fili watched with growing apprehension as Kili fired each arrow until the quiver was empty. Out of twelve arrows only three had even hit the target, and they were all in the outer ring.

Kili swore fluently and colorfully using words that Fili had not even heard. _Where had his baby brother learned such language? Mum and Thorin both would skin him for using those words. _

Fili continued to watch Kili's tirade until he saw his brother grip the bow in both hands raising it over his head. When he realized what Kili intended, he jumped up and ran.

"Kili, No!"

The raven haired prince turned his head just enough to see his brother pelting towards him. Kili's dark brown eyes were cold and his face hard. It was a visage Fili had never witnessed on that face before.

Just as Fili drew close, Kili raised his knee and slammed the bow across his bent thigh. The bow split with an audible snap and Kili flung the pieces away from him.

Fili grabbed his brother's arm and spun him around until they faced.

"Kili, what is wrong with you?"

"Get off me!" Kili spat yanking his arm free; he turned and started to walk away.

"Don't turn your back on me." This time Fili grabbed his brother by his tunic hauling him backwards.

Caught off balance, Kili stumbled and almost fell. Once he recovered, he turned, his hand snaking out to backhand Fili across the face. "Leave me alone!" He yelled.

Fili staggered with the blow releasing his grip and allowing Kili to stomp away. Then, anger flaring, suddenly he launched himself forward, slamming into the younger dwarf and tackling him to the ground.

"Don't make me hurt you," Fili warned now sitting astride his brother's back. Kili thrashed and reached back trying to push the blonde off only to have Fili grip his wrist and pull his arm back and up until Kili gasped.

"Don't make me hurt you," Fili repeated maintaining the hold on his brother's arm.

Kili spat a curse and then relaxed. After a moment Fili loosened his grip on Kili's arm but did not release it.

"I'll let you up if you promise to behave."

Kili grunted.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," Fili released his brother and stood.

Kili rolled over onto his back glaring up at Fili.

"Not satisfied that I can't shoot, gotta try to break my arm, too?" Kili's words were full of spite. "At least that would be an excuse".

Fili looked down at the raven haired dwarf before him and shook his head, smiling. "Might have worked when you were a dwarfling, but you're too old for temper tantrums now."

"Am not," Kili huffed, widening his already large eyes and sticking out his bottom lip in his infamous pout.

This time Fili right out laughed. "No, nadadith. That won't work either." He held his hand out and pulled Kili to his feet. "What's going on?"

"I can't shoot. You saw, didn't you?" Kili replied shakily.

"Just today?" Fili asked nodding.

Kili shook his head looking at his feet. "Every day...since...Oin let me back on the range." He raised his head locking eyes with his brother's. "I haven't hit center once. I can't shoot anymore." Kili's voice broke at the end as he dropped his head to his hands.

Fili knew his brother was close to tears by the timbre of his voice, his stance, and visibly shaking hands. He could not imagine how devastating this realization was to the archer. He wrapped his arms around Kili.

"Mahal, Kee," Fili comforted. "Why haven't you said anything?"

Kili shook his head against Fili's chest, for once not flinching away from his brother's embrace. The elder Durin took it as an indication of how deeply this hurt, that his nadadith needed the comfort more than he wanted to avoid being touched.

"Ashamed," Kίli snuffled. "It was the one thing I could do well, where I didn't have to worry about disappointing Uncle. Now, I can't even shoot...I'm not good for anything."

"No, that's not true," Fili rubbed circles on his brother's back. "You're my brother, and I think you're great. You're the best little brother I could ever have. And you know Mum and Uncle love you."

Kili nodded pulling away.

Fili smiled reaching up to wipe a tear from Kili's face. "Did you really have to break your bow?"

"It was just my old practice bow," Kili returned. "Haven't been using my good bow. Knew that might happen." He smiled weakly.

Fili slapped his brother on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's go find your arrows."

Kili nodded and they started across the field.

"Hey, Fee," Kili called. "Please don't tell Mum and Uncle."

"Not a word, nadadith," Fili pledged. "And speaking of words, we need to have a little talk about your language."

Kili just rolled his eyes.

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**AN:** To Isky- Never fear, they won't get away with it.

Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. If you have questions or comments, leave a review; just because the story's already written, doesn't mean I can't change some things before I upload the chapters.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Kίli Loses It

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**AN:** Things are continuing to unravel for poor Kίli.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything involving Middle Earth, I merely come here to play; and there is not profit involved.

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Dinner was a quiet affair that night. After the obligatory, "How was your day?" round, the dwarves fell into silence, a very unusual state for the Durin household when the boys were home. After rabbit for the third night, dinner was getting boring.

"Some venison would be nice," Dis mused taking a bite of her meat. "Or even some roast boar. Kili, you promised you would go hunting." She looked at her youngest son.

Fίli looked up from his meal, his gut clenching. After what he had witnessed on the archery field, he knew this would not be an easy conversation and feared how his brother would react.

Kili made no reply keeping his head bent over his plate, raven hair obscuring both sides of his face.

"Kili, your mother is talking to you." Thorin prompted with a trace of impatience at his sister-son's rudeness.

"Yes." The prince's reply was clipped and terse, not raising his face.

Fili stared across the table at his brother trying to read Kili's expression in case he needed to intervene. From what Fili could tell, Kili's face was impassive, but his jaw was clenched, usually not a good sign for his temperament.

"Yes, what?" Thorin growled glaring at his nephew.

Kili raised his head meeting his uncle's stare. "Yes. I. Said. I. Would. Go. Hunting." He spat through clamped teeth.

Fili could always read his brother's non-verbal clues. Just now Kili's tight jaw was to keep his bottom lip from trembling. It meant that he was not prepared for this conversation. Fili decided to step in.

"We'll go tomorrow, Mum." Fili tried to defuse the escalating tension. "I promise. I'll go with him."

"Where have I heard that before?" Dis, unaware of the brewing storm, quipped lightly with a soft smile, referring to the last time they had discussed preserving meat for the coming winter.

Fili smiled back, "Sorry," he offered.

Fili just wanted this whole episode to end before Kili was forced to admit the truth. His little brother had always had issues with self-esteem, partly stemming from the bullying he received because his physical features were not typical for Dwarrow. That plus the fact that Kili had never known his father, having been born the day Vili died, therefore Thorin had taken on that role. And while their uncle could be a role model, his own emotional constipation kept him from giving them the affection and affirmation Kili so desperately needed. Where Fili had been raised proudly as Thorin's heir, Kili was the second son, the spare, and he never thought he was good enough to meet his uncle's expectations. Having to tell his mother and uncle the true reason he had not yet gone hunting would devastate his little brother.

"C'mon, Kee, let's go get things ready for tomorrow," Fili pushed his chair back from the table starting to stand.

"No." Thorin interrupted; then turned to Fili. "You may be excused, but we are still speaking with your brother." Fili hesitantly sat back down racking his brain to find some way to diffuse the on-coming explosion. He needed to protect his brother.

"Kili," Thorin gaze shifted back across the table. "Why did you lie to your mother?"

Once again the young prince dropped his head allowing his hair to obscure his face; but nor before Fili had seen his deep brown eyes huge with fear and his lower lip quivering.

"Uncle, please remember..." Fili started before Thorin held up his hand. Fili stopped and closed his eyes knowing there was nothing else he could do to help his brother. Except be there to pick up the pieces afterward. _Mahal please, have mercy._

"Look at me when I address you." Thorin slammed his hand on the table rattling the dinnerware. Kili jumped at the sound then raised his head, his breaths becoming faster and shallower. "Now, why did you lie to your mother?"

"I...d..didn't..." Kili's voice broke.

"Thorin," Dis cautioned, now joining Fili in his fears. It was obvious that her youngest son was hiding something but her brother's rigid prodding was not the best way to go about discovering the problem.

"Did you go hunting?" Thorin pushed on, oblivious to both his sister's warning and his nephew's growing discomfort.

Fili rose, then moved to stand behind his brother, but refrained from placing his hands on Kili's shoulders respecting his sibling's aversion. Kili still mostly shied away from touch since the incident even though he would sometimes tolerate Fili's as he had done on the range today.

Kili was shaking now, fully aware there was no way to avoid admitting his failure.

"I...t..tried," he said quietly.

"Nonsense. You're the best archer in Ered Luin. You never miss". Thorin snorted, certain that Kili was lying.

"Kili?" Dis, too, rose. She stepped to her son's side and placed her hand on his shoulder knowing there was more to the story.

Kili flinched at the touch drawing away. "I...I c...c...can't." His breaths were ragged and tears glistened unshed in his eyes.

"Can't or won't?" Thorin pressed on regardless of Kili's obvious distress.

"I...c..can't...s...shoot...anymore." Kili dropped his head and raised his legs up so that his feet rested on the edge of the seat. He wrapped his arms around his knees pulling tightly into himself.

Thorin and Dis were stunned by the confession. Neither of the boys had said anything about this before. Could the concussion have affected Kili's archery ability?

Dis recovered first realizing how devastating this would be for her son and bent over wrapping her arms around his shoulders to draw him into a tight hug. "Oh, Kili..."

"Don't touch me!" Kili screamed looking up, distraught, as he yanked out of the hold.

Almost without thought Thorin backhanded his nephew. "Don't you ever speak to your mother like that again," he threatened.

Stunned, Kili reeled from the blow and only Dis's presence at his side kept him from falling out of the chair.

With a growl Kili catapulted himself away from the table, sidestepping his uncle and ran for the door.

Fili grabbed at his brother a moment too late, catching Kili's arm but unable to hold on. "Don't let him get to the door!"

Just as Fili feared, Kili was reacting as he always did when things overwhelmed him. He ran. Most of the time Fili could find him in the forest, up in his favorite tree, but this time the golden-haired prince knew the stakes were higher than usual. He had seen his brother nearly hysterical on the archery range; and he was well aware that Kili's defenses against the memory of his assault were beginning to crumble. He could not let his brother be alone out in the woods when the whole dam broke on those memories.

Thorin moved quickly covering the distance between himself and his fleeing nephew. Just before Kili reached the front door, Thorin grabbed his waist tackling the prince. They both slammed heavily against the door sinking down to the floor. Thorin maintained his hold around Kili's waist and ended up on top of the younger dwarf.

Fili reached the pair at the same time Kili bucked, breaking Thorin's hold and tossing the bigger dwarf off of him. Kneeling beside them Fili grabbed his brother's arm.

"Kili, calm down." Fili tried to reassure. ""It's alright."

Kili snarled twisting his arm from his brother's grasp. His eyes were wild with panic as he stood, once more reaching for the door handle.

Back on his feet again Thorin gripped Kili's upper arms just above the elbows and yanked them backwards as he pivoted turning his nephew away from the door.

Kili struggled wildly trying to wrest away from his taller uncle.

"Stop fighting me," Thorin hissed in the dwarf's ear as he shifted his grip to pin Kili's arms behind him with his left arm while raising his right arm. He put his right hand on the back of Kili's head pushing to bend the fighting prince over and force him to his knees.

_Kili was no longer in his home struggling against his uncle, but rather in a forest fighting men who wanted to hold him down and hurt him. He had to get away no matter what it took. He fought like a wild thing trying to break free._ _The faces no longer belonged to his family and the voices were those of men._

Kili squirmed and fought against the hold. Then he took a step to Thorin's left side, bringing his foot in line with his uncle's, planning to pivot around to break the hold. Unfortunately for the prince, Thorin was the one who had taught Kili this move and he was prepared.

"Don't hurt him," Dis pleaded, knowing this was no practice confrontation.

Thorin allowed the younger dwarf to begin into his pivot before wrapping fingers into Kili's hair and pulling him away from the turn. Kili, already slightly off balance, was forced backwards as Thorin dropped him supine to the ground pinning Kili's shoulders with his hands.

"Get off of me!" The dark-haired prince bucked trying to break free.

Fili dropped to his knees beside his brother pleading, "Shh, Kili. Please, nadadith, calm down. Quit fighting us."

"Kili, stop!" Thorin ordered; but Kili continued to thrash under his uncles hands until he managed to free one shoulder.

"Move," he snarled at his brother.

When Fili held his position, Kili slammed his fist into Fili's face, even as he wrenched away from Thorin's hold completely. He tried to stand but Thorin curled his fingers into the fabric of Kili's tunic pulling him back down to the floor. Immediately Thorin threw himself across the younger dwarf's chest pinning his body and arms. Dis dropped down onto Kili's flailing legs effectively stilling them.

Fili used his sleeve to wipe blood from his nose and split lip before moving around behind his brother's head.

"Nadadith, be still," Fili bent low to speak quietly into his brother's ear as he ran a hand down the raven tresses spread across the floor.

"Let me go." Kili's spat still writhing against the dwarves holding him down; to no avail.

Fili continued speaking softly into Kili's ear as he stroked his brother's hair, until the young dwarf started to calm.

"Please get off of me," Kili's voice elevated to a whine as tears began to roll down his cheeks.

Finally Kili stopped fighting going limp before his body started to shake as he cried.

"Fee?" The anguished plea cut through the near-silence.

"I'm here," the older prince replied. "Are you finished?"

"Yes," the reply was mumbled.

"You won't try to run?"

"No."

Fili nodded to his uncle and mother who rose releasing the pinned dwarf.

Kili rolled onto his side and curled up into himself.

Thorin started to speak, but Fili shook his head. Dis placed her hand on her brother's arm drawing him away. They retreated to the dining area leaving the two boys on the floor as Fili continued to comfort his little brother.

Later Thorin and Dis returned to find Kili asleep, head in Fili's lap.

Thorin smiled at his youngest nephew's peaceful sleep remembering the hellion he had fought to control before.

"Take him to bed?" Thorin asked.

Fili nodded.

Gently Thorin lifted his slumbering nephew and carried him to his room. When Kili was situated in his bed, Thorin turned to Fili, "Let's get you cleaned up...And then we need to talk."

Dis kissed her youngest son's cheek, her heart aching for the bottled up pain that plagued him. Then the Dwarrow retired to the front room.

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**AN: **Well, things are really starting to fall apart for Kίli now.

Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, followed, and favorited. Drop me a review and let me know your thoughts, comments, and suggestions, or even that you just read it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Fili explains

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I do not own anything pertaining to Middle Earth; and I receive no monetary compensation.

Dis walked into the sitting room where Thorin now sat enjoying a pipe; she carried three mugs of ale. They needed them after the recent events. Once they were settled, Thorin turned to his heir.

"What in the name of the seven fathers is wrong with your brother?" The elder dwarf demanded, piercing blue eyes fixed on his nephew.

Fίli sighed knowing that his planned answer would not be acceptable; yet he held his uncle's gaze unapologetically. "I'm sorry; but I promised Kίli I would not tell. It's his story to share."

"Fίli," Thorin schooled his voice trying not to upset his other nephew. "Your brother was not willing to share tonight. Whatever it is, he's obviously very upset by it; and we cannot help him unless we understand."

The golden prince looked down weighing his uncle's reasoning. Did he keep his promise to his baby brother or did he betray that trust so they could help Kίli? One path maintained his honor and loyalty to his brother while the other helped ease his own guilt over not protecting his sibling, but also ran the risk of making things even worse for the younger one.

When he raised his head Fili's blue eyes were resigned. His brother had already said it, so he was merely elaborating. "Kili told you the truth. He can't shoot anymore...I watched him and out of twelve arrows only three hit the target... and all of those were in the outer ring."

No one spoke; but Dis's sharp intake of breath bespoke their shock as she and Thorin tried to wrap their minds around Fίli's revelation and the implications for the youngest Durin. Kίli never missed. It was very rare for his arrows to hit outside the center ring. Failing to hit the target at all probably had not happened after his first practices.

"I did not know," Thorin admitted quietly, shaking his head. "I thought he was lying to me out of his stubbornness and rebellion."

"He's frustrated and ashamed. He would not have told me either, but I followed him to the practice range. I saw it myself." Fίli stared down at his hands, still feeling slightly guilty for revealing his brother's secret. "He couldn't deny it."

"That explains the not hunting part; but why would he not want me to comfort him?" Dis asked, the pain of her son's rejection visible in her eyes.

"He doesn't like to be touched," Fίli closed his eyes, thoughts harkening back to that day in the woods and his brother's frantic, "_Don't touch me._" He hated to admit just how deeply Kίli had been hurt.

"Ever since..." Fίli faltered trying to push the memories away. "Ever since it happened, he doesn't want to be touched." There was no doubt about what 'it' was. "He tries to hide it by letting us hug him, but he's not as affectionate as he was before."

"But I thought he didn't remember," Dis stated.

"He doesn't," the golden prince replied maintaining his gaze on the floor. "Or he didn't...Now, I'm not sure. He...he...I think he must be starting to remember." Fίli was obviously uncomfortable discussing his brother this way. "He barely tolerates when I touch him. It's worse when he's upset, like he doesn't have the energy to pretend."

The two older dwarves were shocked by this further revelation. It explained why Fίli had merely stroked his sibling's hair instead of hugging him. The brothers had always been inseparable and touch was an integral part of their relationship. Kίli's unconscious reaction belied just how much the incident had affected him, especially without conscious recollection. Dis could only imagine how hard this was for Fίli- being his brother's anchor and yet not able to wrap Kίli in his arms.

Dis moved from her chair to sit beside Fίli. "O, my golden lion," she pulled the nearly grown dwarf to her cradling his head on her shoulder. "I have not really thought about how hard all this must be for you. Since you know your brother so well, we will let you tell us how to help him."

Fίli reveled in the comfort of his mother's embrace; it was as if he were a little dwarfling again. If only for a moment, he could snuggle close and forget the world, believing that all was safe and calm. If only it were true.

Later as Fίli readied for bed, he stood over his brother watching him sleep. Kili looked so peaceful now. There was nothing to remind him of the earlier frantic scene except the beginnings of a bruise from Thorin's hand on his cheek.

"Kίli, I am so sorry I couldn't protect you. That was my task, and I failed; but you are the one paying the price. Forgive me, nadadith." Fili bent to place a kiss on his brother's temple.

Kίli sighed quietly, snuggling deeper into his covers, as Fίli went to his own bed hoping that sleep would come quickly so that he need not replay the events of this fateful day over and over in his mind as a stark reminder of his own inadequacy. And he prayed to Mahal that his little brother might sleep through the night without the recent dreams that made him whimper and toss. At least these dreams, if they were dreams, had not been the horrible night terrors Kίli had suffered as a dwarfling, driving him into his older brother's bed for comfort. Of course that did not mean that one night the dreams would not be replaced by nightmares.

Fίli lay awake in bed as moonlight streamed through the window allowing him to watch his little brother sleep. Kίli lay sprawled across his bed snoring softly. Everything seemed peaceful enough, but Fίli knew that could change in an instant.

Kίli had always had vivid dreams, especially the nightmares. As a dwarfling if it wasn't goblins or orcs beneath the bed, it was dragons outside the window, or thunder battles during storms. Fίli could not even count the times he'd had to waken his brother from the terrifying grip of his mind's fabrications. Sometimes the dreams had been so frightening that Kίli woke nearly hysterical and screaming. Oin had called them night terrors and gave them herbs to keep the dwarfling from dreaming, but Kίli had not liked taking those herbs and finally their mother had relented. Luckily the dreams lessened in intensity or Kίli became better at hiding his terror.

Fίli did not remember his brother having such horrid nightmares in decades. And yet, recently Kίli had been having bad dreams where he thrashed about and called out in his sleep. Now that the brothers had discussed Kίli's dreams, Fίli was certain that they were the result of his brother's repressed memories making themselves known. Each night Fίli slept lightly fearing that this time it would be the dream when the dam of repression broke and Kίli remembered every shattering detail of the eventful night. So far he had been wrong; but Fίli knew that would not last forever.

**AN: **Nadadith - little brother

Thanks to all who read &amp; review, follow, and favorite. Don't be shy, review to let me know what you think, ask questions, or make suggestions. Your comments help me improve my writing.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Morning After

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**AN: **To Guest- Quite correct. They all handled the situation poorly.

**Disclaimer:** No ownership or profit.

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When Fili woke the next morning, he lay in bed mapping out his plan for the day. He had promised his amad that he would take Kili hunting; and he needed to decide which tactic would achieve his goal with the least amount of fuss from his brother.

Staring across the room he noted that Kili was once again in quiet sleep. Fili knew his brother had dreamed during the night. He had woken to Kili's thrashing and mutterings once, but the words had been unintelligible. Whatever it had been, his brother fell back into undisturbed sleep quickly and Fili had not needed to waken him. The dreams had been coming more frequently of late and Fili worried that Kiki's repressed memories were trying to break through.

Sighing Fili slipped from under the covers, threw open the curtains allowing light to stream into the room, and padded quietly across the small distance to Kili's bed.

"Good morning, Kili," Fili called in a sing-song voice.

"G'way," The muffled words came back from somewhere beneath the mussed covers.

"Can't." The blonde returned. "Promised Mum we'd go hunting today, so you need to get up."

"No!" Kili whined petulantly.

"No, what?" Fili asked, well use to the routine after all these years.

"No. Don't need up. Don't need hunt," his brother grumbled, still buried under the blanket.

"Thought so, and I know you don't want to go hunting, but...," Fili paused. "Could you at least just come with me? We can check the traps. And we really haven't spent much time together lately... I miss you."

It was a ruse to guilt his baby brother into coming, and yet, it was true. Fili had missed his company. Growing up Kili had been his faithful shadow, following him everywhere- even to places the younger one had been forbidden to go. And even when the heir had not wanted a tag-a-long, Kili had refused to be shaken off.

"Miss you, too," Kili responded uncovering his head enough to look up at his brother.

Fili smiled. It was the response he had wanted.

The memory of last night was fuzzy in the raven prince's still sleep-muddled brain; but a look of guilt flashed across Kili's face when he saw Fili's swollen and split lip. Kili's gut twisted as he realized that he really had hit his brother. He raised his hand as if to touch the damage, but then pulled back before making contact.

"I did that, didn't I?"

Fili nodded.

"Gajut men, nadad?" Kili asked.

"Menu gajatu, nadadith," Fili returned. "You need to ask that from Mum and Uncle, too, you know."

Kili just nodded, remembering his frenzied actions and too ashamed to answer his brother.

"Better hurry. Breakfast will be cold." Fili yanked the covers off the bed before scooting out of the door.

"Fili!" Kili's yell was easily heard in the front rooms.

When the younger prince finally emerged from his room running his fingers through his wild raven hair, Thorin and Fili were already seated at the table while Dis moved back and forth bringing platters. Mentally steeling himself, Kili walked up beside his mother and placed an arm around her shoulders.

"Morning, Mum. I'm sorry I yelled at you last night," Kili admitted giving her a slight squeeze. While the half hug may have seemed like a usual morning greeting, the tenseness of his shoulders told a different story.

For an instant Dis thought about pulling her baby into a full hug; but she could feel the stiffness and opted for briefly laying her head on his shoulder.

"Of course, I forgive you, my little raven," Dis soothed, then pulled away. "Sit. Food's ready."

Kili took his seat then turned towards Thorin. "Uncle,...I'm sorry for the way I behaved last night." Kili's eyes were wide as he finished and looked down, chewing on his bottom lip, a sure sign of his discomfort.

"Kili, it takes a mature dwarrow to admit when they are wrong. I am very proud of you," Thorin smiled, noticing the dark bruise across his nephew's cheek. "And I am sorry for hitting you." Thorin shifted so that he could bring his forehead to touch his nephew's.

Releasing the brief sign of intimacy, the elder dwarf continued. "If there are problems, you need to bring them to your mother or myself before things get so out of hand. We want to help you any way we can, but we must know first."

Thorin would have liked to say more but refrained not wishing to expose what Fili had told them. He hoped the opening would be enough to prompt his sister-son to share.

Kili smiled at the praise. Making Thorin proud of him was one of Kili's driving forces. How ironic that when he succeeded it was because he had apologized for messing up, yet once again. He merely nodded in acknowledgement of the offer of help; he wasn't ready to admit his problems. He was from Durin's line. He was strong and he would work things out for himself.

A short while later Fili practically dragged his sullen brother out the door of their home headed for the woods. After a fair amount of arguing and cajoling, Kili had even grabbed his bow and slung his quiver over his shoulder to at least give the appearance that they would be hunting.

Fili grinned widely, "I'm so glad you decided to come today. We'll have a great time."

Kili stared mutely at his brother. When had they reversed roles? He was supposed to be the giddy, bouncing one and Fili the quieter, more reserved.

"You probably will have fun watching me miss every deer in the forest," Kili groused.

"No, Kee," Fili protested. "I'm not asking you to shoot anything; but going hunting without your bow does look pretty stupid. I meant it when I said I wanted to spend time with you. It'll be like we're dwarflings again. We can climb trees, skim rocks on the river, maybe even check out one of the old caves. What do you say?" Fili sounded enthusiastic.

After a moment's consideration, Kili nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Great," Fili responded shoving his brother lightly. "Then quit being so grumpy and give us a smile."

Kili shook his head, but then he smiled. It wasn't one of his wide, goofy grins; but it was enough for Fili, at least for the present.

Through the morning the two princes enjoyed themselves revisiting the haunts of their younger days and reminiscing about the havoc they had wreaked around their little village.

Kili even laughed several times, especially when Fili had trouble climbing up to his brother's favorite brooding spot and then sat with one arm wrapped around the tree trunk for security. Fili didn't mind in the least since his brother's laughter was music in the woods, a sound that had been sorely lacking as of late.

Finally back on solid ground, much to Fili's comfort, they found a spot to share the lunch their mother had provided. Nothing fancy, it consisted of bread and cheese mainly, with a small slice of meat each.

Once they had eaten the boys rested against tree trunks enjoying the peace of the moment. Then Fili suddenly sat up digging in his pocket.

"I almost forgot," he grinned deftly flipping a ripe red apple to his brother.

Kili caught the flung fruit and in one fluid motion brought it up to take a big bite. As juice ran down his chin, Kili grinned. "You didn't forget."

"Of course not," Fili ruffled his sibling's hair. "How could I ever forget my brother's favorite fruit?"

Fili studied his brother as Kili finished the apple. Then he spoke.

"Talk to me, Kee." Fili knew he was taking a chance by asking and hoped he would not provoke another panic attack or force his brother to withdraw again.

Kili looked up, his huge brown eyes meeting Fili's blue ones. Fili saw fear in the gaze as Kili's muscles tensed.

Fili held his hands up fingers spread in a placating gesture. "Wait. I'm not badgering you for answers. I'm not even asking any questions. I just want you to talk to me. Tell me what's going on...If you don't want to, it's fine. Just say so and we'll go check the traps...But, I know you're hurting, and that bothers me. Please, Kili."

Kili dropped his head and closed his eyes. He picked absently at a spot on his trousers, causing the older prince to fear he had pushed too far. Fili waited.

"No, I...I...don't want to," Kili stammered, barely audible.

Fili nodded unhappily, "Fine. Let's just go check the traps," He started stuffing things back in his pack. At least his brother had not bolted, yet.

"No, I don't want to," Kili repeated. "But I think I need to." He looked back up, pain and sorrow now replacing the fear in his eyes.

"I'm here, nadadith. I'm listening."

"Everything's wrong." Kili started. "I'm wrong. I'm afraid, but I don't know why. I don't even know what I fear." His voice shook and his hands clenched in fists, nails biting into his palms.

Fili moved repositioning himself directly in front of his brother.

"Something's missing. I know it's there, but I can't get to it. It's like part of me is missing and I need that part to be whole." Tears glistened in Kili's eyes.

Fili slowly reached out to grasp his brother's hands. Kili stiffened, but did not pull away. Fili rubbed circles on the backs of Kili's hands with his thumbs while his fingers reached around to pry open the fists revealing four half-moon cuts in each palm.

Once again the blonde pushed his luck. "I know you're having dreams. I've heard you thrash around and mutter things."

Kili nodded, dropping his head, and admitted; "Aye...but I don't remember them. Just bits ...and...feelings." The pitch of his voice started to escalate and his breaths became shallow and rapid.

"There are trees...and men...fighting and screaming...I'm afraid...and there's pain. All wrapped up...in a mist...Nothing makes sense...And it makes my head hurt." Kili pulled his hands out of Fili's grasp to clench his fingers in his raven locks and press his palms against his temples. "It's like a puzzle and I can't put the pieces together.

Fili's heart broke for his brother's pain. He knew the answers to Kili's questions, but Thorin had demanded they allow Kili to remember on his own. It had not been the request of a concerned uncle, but the decree of their king. And as Thorin's heir, Fίli was honor bound to obey the king's word; even if he did not agree with the decision. The golden prince felt as if he were being ripped apart having to choose between fealty to the crown and loyalty to his brother.

Fili already hated himself for allowing any of it to happen in the first place even though reason said he could not have stopped a thing that had taken place. And he hated keeping secrets, condemning his baby brother, whom he swore to protect with his life, to suffer through the uncertainty of not knowing, not understanding what had happened to him.

"Kee, can I hug you?" Fili asked tentatively fearing the answer, for he needed to hold his brother close as much as Kili needed to be comforted.

Kili's nod was almost imperceptible. Fili reached out drawing Kili close and cradling his brother's head against his shoulder. Kili responded by fisting his hands in his brother's tunic. It was the first time Kili had let anyone hold him since the event. Relieved Fili rested his chin on top of the raven head. He knew from Kili's shaking shoulders and the wetness on his tunic that his brother was sobbing silently.

"You know I'm here. When something bothers you, tell me. We can figure it out together." Fili stroked Kili's hair feeling the dampness of his own tears there. "When you withdraw into yourself, I feel like I'm losing you...and I can't bear to lose you."

Kili didn't reply, but then he didn't have to say anything. Fili was just happy holding his brother close.

When the boys returned home that evening, they brought three rabbits from the traps and a partridge. There was no arrow hole in the bird. Kili had thrown a rock, stunning the bird, then wrung its neck. Fili had noted that there was nothing wrong with his brother's aim convincing him even more that Kili's archery problem was all in his mind; but time, and Kili himself, would have to rectify that problem.

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**AN: **Amad- mother

Gajat men, nadad.- Forgive me, brother

Menu gajatu, nadadith.- You are forgiven, little brother.

Again thanks to all who have read, reviewed, followed, and favorited. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this fic. Keep reading and reviewing- those reviews help me improve.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Dark Night

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**AN:** To Isky- Or Thorin might just be in denial. If he ignores it, he doesn't have to deal with it. Fili definitely feels guilty, and Kili will be mad.

**Triggers:** PTSD symptoms; allusions to rape and bodily functions.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything relating to Middle Earth, except my OCs; and I make no profit.

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The days passed by as life went on normally in the Ered Luin village, except for the Durins. Despite everyone's attempts to carry on in their usual patterns, tension and wariness ruled in the small home.

Every morning Dis put on her stoic Durin face as she went about cooking, cleaning, and mending. Many nights she lay in bed, tears wetting her pillow as she grieved over the changes in her youngest son. She missed his laugh and his beaming smile; and against all better judgment, she wished for him to pull just one prank. She longed to hold him in her lap and comfort him as she had when he was a dwarfling terrified of thunder storms; and yet, the princess knew it would take more than a mother's touch to banish the demons that haunted Kίli.

Thorin, on the other hand, went from day to day as usual only dealing with the whole situation when a crisis arose. It was a pattern engrained in him by his father and grandfather that a ruler subjugated his emotions, his desires for the good of his people. He had not truly mourned his own brother's death because he had to lead his people away from a crushing defeat at Azanulbizar and find ways to keep them fed and sheltered. Since he forced his feelings away as weakness, he expected others to do the same.

Fίli watched his little brother through eyes clouded by his own guilt. He had failed to protect Kίli, in fact, Kίli had surrendered to the men on the threat of Fίli's life. And now he was withholding the truth knowing that at some time Kίli would remember and would know that his brother had not been honest. At first the elder prince had fervently hoped his brother would not remember, so he went along with his uncle's plan; and as time passed, he continued the deception not wanting to be the one to explain it all and fearing how Kίli would react to the betrayal.

It had been a long week. The brothers had spent the entire day in the forge from break of dawn till well past sunset. Thorin had received a sizable order with a bonus should the commission be completed before the actual date promised. It was money the village could well use with winter looming. Accordingly the boys' lessons halted so that Misters Balin and Dwalin, as well as the princes, could help with the work. Thorin had promised delivery in ten days; but with the extra work, the order was completed in seven much to the joy of some rather tired Dwarrow.

Following a nice meal and a soak in a hot tub, the boys had gone to bed with the thought of sleeping late the next morning. For much of the day Kίli had battled a headache which had not been helped by the constant clang of hammer against metal; and yet he had pushed on knowing how close they were to finishing. Almost as soon as he lay down, sleep claimed the exhausted Dwarf who was snoring softly before his brother doused the light.

Fίli woke to the sound of whimpers coming from Kίli's bed. As he sat up he watched his brother flail in his sleep as if he were fighting off an attacker. Kίli thrashed under the sheets, his whimpers turning to cries.

"No,... please,... don't" Kίli begged, repeatedly.

Cold fingers played along Fίli's spine as he heard the abject terror in his brother's voice. Swiftly he crossed to the other bed, torn between waking Kίli or letting the nightmare run its course. All the while Fίli could see the horrific scene unfold in his own mind. His stomach clenched remembering how he had been helpless to save his brother from the brutes.

And then Kίli screamed. It was the sound of raw agony ripping from his throat over a brutal violation. Fili had heard it before.

The elder prince registered the thud of feet hitting the floor, and then running, as Dis and Thorin raced to the room. The door flew open as Dis cried in panic.

"Kίli?"

Fίli threw his hand up to stop the two from rushing into the room.

"Shhh, he's dreaming," Fili explained.

"Wake him," Thorin demanded.

"That's not a dream, he sounded so...," Dis did not even finish her thought.

Fili nodded in acknowledgement never taking his eyes off his brother. "No! It's alright. Let me handle it."

It was as if by tacit agreement that all three realized that what had been a difficult situation was about to become a real disaster. While they may have hoped Kίli's memories might stay buried, deep down none had truly believed that would happen.

"Call if you need us." Thorin nodded to his heir then put his hands on his sister's arms and gently pulled her away. He quietly shut the door behind them leaving Fίli to deal with the younger dwarf. He guided Dis back to her room and held her as she shook, tears wetting the front of his nightshirt.

"He sounded so hurt, and lost," she cried clinging to her brother.

"Yes," Thorin comforted. "But Fίli has always been the best one to handle Kίli's nightmares. He will let us know if he needs us. You should lie back down, even if you don't sleep again. Rest. Worry will help neither you nor Kίli." With those words Thorin sat his sister on the bed and kissed the top of her head. Turning, he left her to return to his own bed, although he doubted he could sleep now either.

Thorin stopped in the doorway and turned back towards his sister, his dark eyes filled with pain.

"Was I wrong, Dis? If we had told him, would this all have been different?" Thorin's voice cracked as he contemplated his failure. "I only wanted to protect him...he'd been through so much already."

Dis rose and crossed to her brother wrapping her arms around his taller frame.

"What's done is done, nadad. It's too late to rethink your choices. Now we must decide how best to go on." While Dis may have agreed that he had been wrong, she was not going to belittle her brother now over his decision.

"Come, I'll make tea." The two elder Durins made their way into the dining room where they could talk and yet hear if something happened in the boys' room.

The dark haired prince continued to thrash in his sleep, but now his cries had turned into sobs his body shaking with the effort as tears wet his pillow.

Then with one final gasp, Kίli woke, jerking upright as the memories of that horrible day flooded into his conscious mind. While the dream might have ended, the nightmare was far from over.

"Kee, it's alright. I'm here," Fili comforted reaching out to stroke his brother's wild hair.

Kίli batted the hand away. He stared at Fίli with wide, panicked eyes still glazed from sleep. The look held no recognition in it, only fear and pain.

"Leave me alone." Kίli shrunk away from the Dwarf leaning over him, scrambling into the spot where his bed met the corner of the wall. He curled himself into a fetal position burying his face in his arms.

"Kee," Fίli tried to get his brother's attention without touching him.

Kίli's only response was great hitching sobs that wracked his body as he shivered in his corner trying to process the hideous elements of his nightmare.

As his brother's breathing became more shallow and rapid, Fίli knew he had to intervene before Kili hyperventilated into a full blown panic attack.

"Breathe, Kee. Slower," Fili prompted. "Breathe in... Now out... Slow...In...Out." They had been through this routine enough times that Fίli hoped instinct would take over and pull Kίli from his panicked state.

As his brother's breathing returned to a more normal rate, though still punctuated by sobs, Fίli tried again to get the distraught Dwarf's attention.

"Look at me, Kee," Fίli crawled on the bed and reached out to touch his brother's arm.

Kίli tensed trying to pull away from the touch, but had no place to retreat. "No...Please don't," he begged with a shaky voice.

"It's Fίli. I'm here to help you," the blonde responded. "It's all over. It's not going to happen again. Look at me, Kίli. I'm going to protect you."

"F...F...Fίli?" Kili raised his head enough to look at his brother from beneath his bangs.

"Yes, Kee. It's Fίli. I'm here," he reassured. "You're awake now. The nightmare's over."

"No it isn't," Kίli sobbed in response. "It'll never be over."

"Yes, it is over. All that's left now are memories, and you decide how to handle those."

They sat in silence save Kίli's occasional sniffle.

Finally, Kίli raised his head, his brown eyes finding Fίli's blue. The elder fought the urge to look away from the torment reflected in that look.

"They raped me, Fίli," Kίli cried plaintively. "They raped me." He lowered his head after the revelation. Then his voice became cold, "And you were there, you knew. They all know, don't they?"

Fίli's gut twisted at the accusation. _Yes, he had known and had still withheld that_ _information,_ _on Thorin's order. He could feel the remorse eating away inside not only from keeping the secret but also from failing to protect his brother in the first place. If only he had been more alert, or even better if he had not stopped at that village, had_ _spent the last night on the trail instead of wanting a hot meal and a bed_. Silently Fίli cursed his own weakness.

"Yes, Kίli. I knew." Fili admitted. "But..."

"But what?" Kίli's head snapped up sending his hair whipping around his face. "But I didn't remember, so you didn't have to tell me?" He laughed before continuing. "Now it all makes sense. My wrists- you didn't tie them too tightly to hold me on the pony. They bound them and I rubbed them raw trying to get lose."

"Kee, listen to me. Let me..."

:Let you what? Make up more lies like why it hurt so bad and bled the first time I..." Kili closed his eyes fighting for control. "Wasn't from my position on the pony. It was because they rammed.. ...they...they violated me." Kίli's voice broke as he shivered again, unable to give word to the vile acts he had suffered.

"I'm sorry, Kee. You were unconscious for four days. Oin was afraid you wouldn't live. You barely sucked water from a rag- that's probably all that kept you alive until you regained consciousness." Fίli explained patiently. "When you woke and didn't remember, Oin didn't know if it was because of the concussions or because your mind was protecting you from the truth. Then when you had problems afterwards, the headache and dizziness, we were afraid that telling you might cause more problems." He did not mention that the deception had been Thorin's idea.

Kίli made no response to his brother's explanation, nor did he look at the blonde.

Fίli shook his head. "I'm sorry. I did what I thought was best for you."

"Well, thank you for your compassion," Kίli mocked. "Now, get out. Leave me alone."

Fίli stood still for a moment contemplating how to respond. Finally, he said, "Kee, you don't need to be alone..."

"I didn't need to be lied to, either." Kίli screamed at his brother. "Just go!"

With a sigh Fίli turned away, his brother's words like a knife to his heart. He knew that there was nothing he could say to appease his brother until Kίli calmed down. The elder prince quietly left the room. He stumbled into the dining room rubbing his forehead, tense from the confrontation. When he looked up he saw his mother and uncle watching him.

"You heard?"

The two older dwarves nodded.

"I should go to him," Dis rose from her seat.

"No, Mum," Fίli responded. "Leave him be for now. He'll just lash out at you, too." Thorin nodded in agreement.

Dis clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle a cry at the thought of leaving her youngest alone in his agony; but Fίli was right. Kίli could not be reasoned with given his current state. Consoling him would have to wait.

The three Dwarrow sat in silence, lost in their thoughts and listening to the muffled sounds of Kίli's distress.

Later as the blonde prince finally made his way wearily back to bed, the light from the dining area illumined the bedroom enough to allow Fili to see his brother's bed. Kίli lay curled in his corner, face obscured by the curtain of dark hair. In his arms he clutched something. As Fίli moved closer he could just make out the tattered toy to which his sibling clung. It was a faded wolf that had once been dark grey. They had both had stuffed animal toys as dwarflings, his had been a golden lion.

Fίli smiled then; he did not know when he had last seen either of them; but apparently, Kίli had kept his hidden somewhere. For a long time that wolf had been his brother's constant companion, especially at bedtime. Fίli was glad Kίli had found something to comfort him since he had refused his family's attempt. He imagined from past experience that Kίli, emotionally exhausted, had cried himself to sleep clutching the ragged animal. Finally he made his way to his own bed hoping for some sleep before morning...and the next time he faced his brother.

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**AN:** Well, now Kίli remembers and he's far from happy. Next chapter we'll see how he deals with Thorin. Once again thanks to my readers and reviewers. Your comments are greatly appreciated and very helpful.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Nightmare Aftermath

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**A/N:** To Guest- Yes, it's time to open up the umbrellas because when it rains, it pours. _Italics_ are thoughts.

**DISCLAIMER:** I still don't own anything pertaining to Middle Earth nor do I profit from playing there.

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When Kίli woke the next morning, sunlight streamed through the window, and yet his own thoughts were clouded and dark as memories flooded back threatening to overwhelm him. He could hear his brother snoring across the room and knew that he would have to face his family today.

The very thought of being with them, knowing that they knew the whole story and had known it for weeks, tied his stomach in knots. He tasted bile burning the back of his throat, already raw from crying, and barely managed to swallow it down without gagging. His head pounded as his mind replayed the memories. Even when he tried to think on other things, those hideous recollections were there.

Kίli pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes trying to stop the images flashing through his mind, but it did no good. He could not bear to see his family now; he could imagine the accusations they would hurl at him now that he understood what had happened. _You couldn't even fight off three men? A real dwarf would have chosen death over such dishonor._ _You have shamed the line of Durin._

No, he could not deal with his family's condemnation. Kίli just wanted to be left alone. He wanted to leave the house, to run into the woods, not even stopping at his favorite tree where he always went to be by himself. No, he wanted to run as fast and as far as he could before he dropped from utter exhaustion, to leave the village and never come back.

There was only one thing stopping the raven prince from fleeing. He did not have the energy it would require; he was so exhausted. His body felt heavy as if it were truly made of stone and he could not make himself move. Kίli wanted to scream in frustration, but that would just bring his family which he really did not want.

In the other bed Fίli woke and stretched. It should have been a day of rest and relaxation, but the tension from last night still clung to the air. Shifting his position the golden prince looked towards his brother's bed.

Kίli still lay curled in the corner, face to the wall, in much the same position Fίli had found him when he had returned to bed. Now, however, the raven prince was awake as Fίli could tell from his brother's breathing and the tenseness in his shoulders.

The blonde threw off the covers and rolled out of bed crossing to stand next to the other.

"Morning, Kee. Talking to me, yet?" Receiving no answer, Fίli continued. "Fine. As long as you're not yelling at me, I can explain things." He took a deep breath before continuing. This was not the way he had wanted to address the situation, but Kίli's earlier reaction had changed things, and Fίli did not intend to lose this opportunity.

"When you accused me last night, you were right. Of course I knew, I was there and I didn't tell you what happened because I wanted to protect you. I felt so guilty about not keeping you safe in the first place that I couldn't bear to tell you when you didn't remember. I told myself it was Mahal's blessing that you didn't know. I'm sorry, Kee; I failed you twice. I love you, nadadith, with all my heart and soul and I never want to do anything that hurts you. "

Fίli paused watching his brother's shoulders shake and knowing that Kίli was crying again.

"You were so close; you could have cut the artery and killed the tall one. And no doubt you could have taken out the others. It wouldn't have mattered if they had slit my throat, as long as you were safe."

With those words Fίli turned away and headed for the dining room, leaving his brother to ponder what he had said.

Kίli could barely process what his brother had said. _Why would Fίli, the golden heir, ever sacrifice his life for my safety? He's the one who's always responsible, makes the right choices, excels at anything he does; while all I ever do is mess things up and disappoint everyone._

Breakfast was somber with the three Durins still dealing with the after effects of the previous night on top of the physical exhaustion from work. Finally, Thorin broke the silence.

"How is he?"

"Still angry...He feels I betrayed him by not telling him," Fili never looked up from the table. "Won't look at me; won't talk...Suppose I'd feel the same."

"You brother loves you, Fίli, you know that. He's just hurting right now. I can't even imagine his shock when the nightmare opened the door to his memories." Dis stood behind her oldest son, arms wrapped around his shoulders, as she placed a comforting kiss on his cheek.

Thorin placed his hands on the table, pushing his chair back, he rose. "I'll talk to him," he rumbled.

"Brother,..."

"Uncle,..."

Both Dis and Fίli began together turning to look up to the regal dwarf, afraid his lack of tact and empathy would only enflame the situation more. Thorin raised his hand in a gesture that ended further comment as he walked away.

Fίli dropped his head, golden braids swinging. "Kίli's right. I should have told him."

"No, Fίli, don't blame yourself." Dis dropped to her knees beside her eldest. "It's not your fault. We all agreed. As long as Kίli didn't remember, we wouldn't say anything; but we just didn't pay enough attention to know how close he was to recalling."

Thorin knocked, then proceeded into the room without an invitation.

"Kίli?"

The younger Durin flinched at the sound of his uncle's voice but said nothing.

"I'm here to talk with you. Look at me." Thorin cleared a pile of clothes from a chair before dragging it over to the bed.

Kίli discretely shoved the ragged stuffed wolf under a pillow, not wanting his uncle to see him clutching the old dwarfling toy, before turning towards Thorin. He pulled himself upright once again huddled in the corner.

Thorin looked at his sister-son. Kίli's hair was tousled, his shoulders slumped, his eyes red and puffy; but it was the look in those brown eyes that twisted the king-in-exile's heart. The pain, the loss, the fear, the shame that showed there were much the same as the look he seen on a small dwarfling's face after he had gotten lost once in a neighboring town.

_They had traveled to the town for a large market. Kίli had specifically been warned to stay with another family member. Thorin had taken his heir while Dis chaperoned the younger. When she stopped at a booth to inspect the wares, Kίli had become bored_, _until he spied something further down the aisle, only a couple of booths away. He walked towards the object of his interest believing he could easily turn around and see his mother. When he finished looking at the object, he turned and looked for Dis, but could not find her. Standing on tiptoe and craning his neck did little to raise his line of sight through the crowded streets, and he still could not find his mother. Instead of calling out for her, knowing he would be punished for leaving her side, Kίli decided he would just look through the crowds and find her. Needless to say by the time Thorin had found the poor little dwarfling, Kίli had tucked himself away behind some storage bins, out of the way of foot traffic, but where he still had a limited view of the market. He was crying, his whole body shaking with the pain of being lost and alone in an unknown place and the fear of not knowing what would happen to him. Thorin had lifted him gently into his arms and returned him to his mother._

It pained Thorin to see the hurt reflected in those dark brown eyes that used to sparkle with mischief and life.

"Kίli, I understand you're angry because your brother didn't tell you what happened to you. None of us did even though Fίli told us the circumstances of your injuries. From the beginning I decided that no one would tell you the details, not unless you remembered them on your own. I may have been wrong but that decision was mine, and mine alone. You will not hold your brother responsible for my decisions." Thorin waited for some acknowledgement, but when none was offered, he continued. "Do you understand?'

Kίli nodded without ever looking up, not wanting to meet his uncle's eyes.

"Answer me!" Thorin demanded. "With words".

"I u-understand." Kίli's voice was hoarse from all the crying.

"Good." Thorin nodded. "Fίli explained everything to us. I'm proud of you, Kίli. You showed concern for an Ered Luin dwarf, as unpleasant as the family may be. You were willing to risk your life to protect the dwarrowlass and you had the good sense to know that killing a man in one of their towns was not a wise choice. I cannot fault your actions."

Once again Kίli bowed his head and closed his eyes; but this time it was at the bittersweet realization that finally his uncle had admitted pride for something he had done knowing that the end result had been humiliation and shame. Now he waited to hear Thorin disown him.

Thorin was confused. He had expected some reaction from his nephew. There was obviously more to the situation that he knew.

"What's wrong? I thought that would make you feel better."

"But now y...you're g...going to d...disown me," Kili sobbed.

"What? No! Who told you that?" Thorin was livid.

The raven prince shook his head, "No one. But I-I've been d-defiled, s-shamed. I'm n-not worthy to b-be c-called a p-prince of Durin."

"Oh, Kίli, no. I would never disown you. This was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You fought despite being injured; and you only gave in when they threatened your brother's life." Thorin reassured.

The tall dwarf held out his arms inviting his sister-son into a hug.

Kίli shook his head. "I c-can't. N-not ready." Tears ran down his cheeks.

"When you are ready, your family is here for you." Thorin rose and with a final look at his nephew, he left the room.

As he watched his uncle leave, Kίli ran fingers through his tangled hair. His thoughts were muddled as he tried to reconcile Fίli's betrayal and Thorin's acceptance.

Nothing made sense anymore. His own brother, his protector, had lied to him, had known the truth all along and yet refused to share. Even when Fίli had seen how badly things were going, he had kept silent about the reason. Thorin knew which meant his mother did, too. How many others in the village had heard the story? Was he the only one who had been oblivious until now?

Even his uncle's declaration of support had not calmed Kίli's mind. Thorin had said he would never disown his sister-son and did not hold him at fault for what happened. Yet there had been no disavowal regarding the violation and shame. To Kίli's distraught mind, if Thorin had not denied them, then he must agree with that part of the assessment.

Kίli rocked back and forth trying to find some comfort in the motion, but there was none. There was only the gut-wrenching horror over what had happened and the overwhelming shame of it all. He felt filthy as if he were drowning in a cesspool, and no matter what he did could ever make him clean again. He wanted to claw his skin to tatters to remove any trace of the men's touch, but that would only be the external and would do nothing to relieve the internal agony of the violation.

The raven prince threw himself back down on the bed as his breaths became ragged, interspersed with sobs as tears coursed freely down his cheeks as if they could wash away his self-loathing.

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**A/N: **Possibly not what you were expecting from Thorin? Yeah, me either; but then Thorin surprised me. Next up Dis has a go at getting Kili to open up. I'm really enjoying reading all your thoughts in the reviews, so keep up the good work by leaving those reviews.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Dis Speaks

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**Disclaimer: **I claim no rights to Middle Earth, those belong to JRRT and Sir Peter.

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Thorin returned to the front room shaking his head. He had never seen Kίli so despondent and he was at a loss how to help his sister-son.

"Brother?" Dis's words pulled him from his reverie.

"I explained that it was my decision not to tell him, that he shouldn't blame Fίli." Thorin sighed before continuing. "He thought I was going to disown him."

When Thorin raised his head, their eyes met, blue to blue, revealing just how much his nephew's words had affected him.

"Why...?" Dis frowned, taken aback by the declaration.

"He thinks he's not worthy of Durin's line because of his shame." Thorin's words cut through his sister's query. They both remembered another younger son who never thought he was good enough either, Frerin; but Kίli was not her brother, he was her son and she would not allow him to persist in this line of thinking.

"I'll speak with him." She turned to grab a plate of bread and cheese and a mug of tea before heading down the hall.

"Kίli?" She quietly opened the door and crossed to set the mug and plate on the stand between the beds. "Thought you might be hungry. I brought you something."

The raven- haired prince was once again curled tightly into himself, back to the door. When he did not acknowledge his mother's presence, she sat on the bed.

"Little raven, I know you're hurting...I'm sorry for the way you learned what happened. I would have spared you the pain of ever remembering if I could have. But now that you know, we're here to help you get past it."

Dis waited for a response, but received none, and so she continued. Reaching out, she stroked her son's wild hair. When Kίli did not even flinch at her touch, she wondered whether she should be worried or pleased.

"I hear you're afraid Thorin will disown you because you think you've shamed Durin's line. That is the farthest thing from the truth. You have done nothing to shame yourself or our family. What those men did to you was not your fault, and while the memory of it may be painful, you survived, and because of your actions, your brother lives also. You did what you had to. You've mostly healed from the physical wounds, but now you must heal from the wounds in your mind." She paused continuing to card her fingers through tangles of hair.

"You are so strong, Kίli, strong enough to overcome this. And we will help you, but you have to talk to us, tell us what you need. I will leave you alone now; but I will be back to check on you. We love you, little raven. You don't have to face this alone."

Dis rose, pausing by the door to look at her son once more, before leaving.

Kίli wanted to believe his mother...and Thorin...and Fίli. He wanted to believe the things they had told him, to know they would not turn their backs on him because of the shame. He wanted to reach out to them, be wrapped in their arms and comforted; and yet, he could not. He could not escape the tiny voice in his head telling him that they were lying just to make him feel better because no one could accept and love someone who had been so violated and defiled. Try as he might, Kίli could not ignore the gnawing doubt the little voice created.

Two more times that day Dis checked on her youngest son, and each time nothing had changed. Kίli remained curled in the corner as if he had never moved, the food and tea untouched. On her last trip the princess once again tried to engage her son in conversation without luck. Finally she left with the admonition that he would have to eat sometime.

Fίli, too, tried to talk with his brother to no avail. After leaving the bedroom, he flopped down in a chair at the table and ran his finger through his hair.

"He still won't talk to me, Mum. I don't know what to do."

"Give him time, love. You know how stubborn he is, definitely from the line of Durin." Dis returned. "I know you want him to open up and talk to us. So do I, but he'll come around when he's ready. We just have to be there when he is."

Dis sat across from her elder son and reached across the table to take his hands. "Remember, Fίli, you are the responsible one, the one who thinks before he acts; not so your little brother. He reacts first, thinks later. Kίli will never fit into the traditional Dwarrow expectations; he has too much heart and passion. Unfortunately, that's the very thing that makes him so vulnerable. We are the rock and stone Mahal made us from, sturdy and strong, the unyielding bedrock; while Kίli is one of the gems set among the stone, rare and precious, but fragile, like an opal, so easily broken without care. And yet, I think he's stronger than any of us give him credit for."

Dis smiled rising to resume her work around the kitchen leaving Fίli to think about her words.

It took more than a day for thirst to prod Kίli to drink the tea his mother dutifully brought, but he still did not eat. He stayed curled up in the corner with his back to the room, lost somewhere in his own thoughts, never once responding to his family's concern or cajoling.

On the evening of the second day as Dis entered the room to bid her son a goodnight, she was relieved to see that he had eaten some of the bread and cheese she had left, not as much as she would have liked, but it was a start.

That night Dis fell back into an old bedtime routine, much as she had when her sons had been dwarflings. She sat on Kίli's bed, stroking his hair as she told a story from his early years followed by a lullaby. As she sang, she felt him tremble beneath her hands; and as she pulled the dark hair from around his face her fingers came away wet with the tears on his cheek. She gently brushed them away and bent to kiss his temple, encouraged that he had not pulled away from her touch even though he remained silent and closed off.

For three days Kίli stayed wrapped in his thoughts, seemingly oblivious to the world around him. And for those same three days, the other three in the house tried to break through his wall of isolation. Never had three days passed without Kίli speaking. Only when he had been unconscious, ill, or drugged from one of Óin's potions had he remained quiet. The unnatural silence weighed heavy on the Durin household, and yet, stranger still was the immobilization. Kίli never stayed still; he was constantly moving, fidgeting, tapping his foot, drumming his fingers, even during Balin's lessons, much to the elder dwarf's consternation. Everyone, including Óin, was at a loss as to how to reach the youngest prince.

Once again as bedtime approached Dis went to her son's room. This time she had a plan; she only hoped she was not rushing things. Instead of sitting on the edge of the bed as she had before, Dis moved across the bed until she was against Kίli's back. As she settled in she felt a quick flinch which she ignored leaning back against the headboard. She then proceeded by telling a silly dwarfling story while finger-combing his hair. When she finished the story, she paused.

"We miss you, little raven,...It's not good for you to be so lost in your own mind...You need to come back to us." As Dis started to sing her lullaby she reached over and pulled Kίli's head and shoulders onto her lap, knowing full well that she ran the risk of driving him farther away.

Kίli stiffened as she wrapped her arms around him and then started to push away.

Dis tightened her hold. "Shh, calm...be still. I've got you; you're alright...Listen to me, Kίli...I love you...we all love you...Nothing will ever change that...Come back to us, please."

With a great hitching breath, Kίli threw his arms around his mother as he shook in her embrace.

"W..w...what am I t..to do?" Kίli's voice was ragged as he sobbed.

"The same thing you've always done. Nothing's changed. We love you; we always will. It doesn't matter what they did to you. You are still Kίli, son of Dis, sister-son of Thorin, brother of Fίli, prince of Erebor of the line of Durin."

"B..but t...they..."

"Hush. What they did to you was horrible, but it is not who you are. And you cannot let it define you, for if you do, then they will have won. They will have accomplished what they wanted. You can't let this destroy you. You are so much stronger than that, little raven."

The two stayed that way until the prince calmed. When Kίli started to push away, Dis released her hold allowing him to pull himself up to a sitting position, back to the wall, knees to chest, and chin on his knees.

"Do you want to talk?" Dis queried softly.

Kίli shook his head, not looking up.

Dis nodded as she rose from the bed. "Then I will go for the night. Your brother will be to bed shortly."

Before retiring for the evening Dis shared what had transpired in the bedroom, cautioning the others not to push the youngest Durin for verbal interaction saying he was not ready to discuss things. She believed he would talk to them when he was comfortable with it.

As Fίli entered the bedroom, Kίli was still sitting in the corner, but he looked up as the door opened meeting his brother's eyes briefly before dropping his gaze back down. The golden prince felt his heart flinch at the pained look in those deep brown eyes, still puffy and reddened.

"I'm here, nadadith, whenever you're ready." He continued preparing for bed as if it were any normal night. As he finally doused the light, climbing into bed, he called, "'Nite, Kee."

He smiled to himself when his brother answered softly, "'Nite."

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**A/N:** Progress, maybe? The next chapter is mostly Kili's reactions. Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, followed, and favorited. Please keep those reviews coming; I have tweaked a few things based on your comments, so let me know what you're thinking.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Kίli Reacts

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**A/N: ** Longest chapter so far. To Guest- Yes, this fic is more angst than action.

This chapter's for Sol Phyllon- much more Kili, and the other thing you wanted.

**Disclaimer:** Middle Earth does not belong to me. I just play there and no one pays me to do so.

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Kίli sat on his bed leaning against the corner watching his brother sleep, the room somewhat lit by the light of the moon through their window. Dis's actions had finally pulled the raven-haired prince from his inertia. Even if he had not reacted at the time, Kίli had heard everything his family had said to him; some of it made sense, some he could not quite make himself believe.

He did not know how long it had been since his world imploded with the nightmare that broke the dam holding back his memories allowing them to flood through his conscious mind. At the time he had sought comfort in his brother's arms, only to realize later that Fίli had lied to him, had only revealed a portion of what had happened to him, leaving out the most crucial part.

In truth they had all lied to him supposedly shielding him from the painful recollections. If only they had told him the truth when he had first woken from unconsciousness, would things have been different? The headaches and dizzy spells? His inability to hit the archery target? The dreams that turned to nightmares?

Kίli shook his head trying to clear his racing thoughts, but praying to Mahal that they did not return to replaying that day in the forest. He was shaken from his reverie by Fίli's snore and looked across the room to where his brother lay.

_Why, Fίli, why? Why didn't you tell me? It hurts knowing the truth._ _It hurts remembering. But it hurts more that you lied to me. How am I supposed to trust you now? How can I trust you, or Mum, or Uncle when you say you still love me, but you wouldn't tell me?_

_Didn't I deserve to know? To understand why I don't want to be held and flinch when I'm touched? For Mahal's sake, Fίli, you were there with me; you know me better than anyone, but you went along with Thorin's decision. I trusted you and you betrayed me._

Kίli's breath hitched and he clamped his hands over his mouth to stifle the small sob that threatened to break forth. Even so he heard the slight skip in his brother's rhythmic snoring as he shifted in his bed. Kίli could not deal with the thought of his brother waking because of noise he made. He was not ready to talk to Fίli and he did not want to hear his brother trying to explain away his actions or offer more platitudes of how things would get better.

The raven-haired prince closed his eyes willing his brother back to sleep. Once Fίli's breathing evened back out, Kίli looked around. He had stayed captive in this room far too long; he needed to be away from his family and the house. The need to be alone was almost overwhelming now. He had wanted to run away before, but had not been able to muster the energy it would have taken, almost as if he had been paralyzed.

Now that his mother had yanked him from the pit of despair, he felt an impelling desire to leave, to run to his favorite tree in the forest and climb as high as he could, to sit, and think. He knew he was no longer chained by immobility, and yet, something held him back from fulfilling his impulse.

Kίli was afraid. The idea of being alone in the woods at night terrified him. When he thought about the trees, all he could picture was another forest on another day when his world had shattered. He knew he would not be able to go to the woods now. But where else could he go? He could feel the icy fingers of panic scrabbling away at the edges of his mind as he twisted fingers into his hair fighting for control.

Once he had calmed, Kίli realized there was a place he could go where he would not be alone and yet no one would speak to him. As quietly as possible, he crawled from the bed and stood up. Suddenly the room began to revolve and he sat back down on the bed dropping his head to his hands.

Kίli cursed to himself remembering that he had gone three days with very little food or drink. He desperately hoped that that was the reason for the dizziness and not a return of his former symptoms.

When the room stopped spinning, he stood slowly, without any further problem, and pulled on a tunic over his nightclothes. He reached for his boots, and then thought better of it realizing he would not be able to walk across the floor quietly enough in them.

Kίli eyed the window as the quickest way to leave the house. It was his preferred route when he did not want to be stopped; but with Fίli in the room, he feared waking his brother and ruining his plan altogether. Grabbing a fur off his bed, the young prince padded softly across the room, for once grateful for his small frame and lithe footing. He opened the door and paused to make sure his brother had not heard. Once he was certain that Fίli slept on undisturbed, he left, pulling the door closed behind him.

One obstacle was behind him but he still needed to traverse the hall past his mother's and uncle's rooms then cross the dining room and kitchen without disturbing anyone. A few steps down the hall, he heard snores coming from both of the other bedroom doors. He sighed in relief as he continued his trek until finally he stood outside the kitchen door.

As Kίli stepped outside wind whipped his tunic around him. Throwing the fur round his shoulders, he ran barefoot across the near-freezing ground to the stables, thankful for his dwarven resistance to cold. He threw open the door and scurried inside pulling it closed behind him. He had not brought a light with him and had to wait for his eyes to adjust.

The sound of a soft whinny greeted the raven prince as he opened the door and entered a stall. Daisy greeted him with a nuzzle as he reached up to scratch her ear. It might not be the best place for solace, but it offered shelter from the weather, a bed of hay, and a warm body.

It was Kίli's week to muck the stables and he was glad to note that someone, most likely his brother, had taken up the slack. He pushed some hay over near the wall and threw one of Daisy's blankets on top. Then after a little persuasion, he coaxed the pony to lie down by the makeshift bed. Finally he sat down on the blanket, covered himself with the fur, and leaned back against the pony. Since the two of them had spent many nights this way on the road, Daisy seemed content enough to accommodate her dwarf, at least for a while.

Kίli's thoughts were jumbled as he tried to sort through what had transpired over the last few days. _Who to trust? What to believe? If his family had lied to him about the assault, were they lying when they tried to convince him he had no reason to be ashamed? Would Thorin really still accept him as his sister-son?_

He did not have any answers, but was certain about one thing- he still needed his big brother. Fίli had always been a constant in his life, an anchor to ground him, a protector and defender. Even now Kίli realized that Fίli had done all he could to protect him in the forest and to get him back home.

The raven prince rubbed his temples as he felt the ache beginning to build in his head. There were too many things to consider and suddenly he felt exhausted. Daisy's warmth as he lay against her was lulling him towards sleep. Too tired to fight it, he snuggled down beneath the fur and as his eyelids drooped, he gave in to slumber. His last conscious thought was a prayer that he not be haunted by the same nightmare he had had before.

_The sun was shining as sweat dripped from Kίli's brow, He brought his blade up in time to block Dwalin's attack then stepped away from massive dwarf before turning back with a slice of his own sword. The weapon's master countered hooking Kίli's sword to send it spinning out of his grasp._

_Ordinarily the practice bout would end here with Dwalin backing away and allowing the prince to retrieve his weapon while explaining what he had done wrong; but not this time. The burly dwarf followed through on his stroke swinging the axe back up through the same arc it had just traveled. Caught off guard, Kίli jumped backwards, feet landing awkwardly and dumping him onto his back. He held his hands out in a placating gesture wondering what had gotten into his cousin._

_Dwalin advanced till he stood over Kίli's prostrate form, then laid the blade of his axe on the prince's throat. Kίli felt the weight of the cold steel pressing down and making it difficult to breathe._

_"I should jist kill ya now 'n' rid Durin's line o' yer shame."_

_Kίli felt the blade bite into flesh..._

_And then he was walking through the village towards his uncle's forge. Four dwarrowlads stepped into his path. Kίli recognized them immediately as some of the bullies who had tormented him years before._

_"Shouldn't leave weapons practice early...since you can't even fight off three men."_

_"Bet he didn't fight at all, probably begged 'em for more."_

_Kίli tried to ignore their insults, tried to move past them, but they circled him pushing him back into the center._

_"You've always been a disgrace, elfling, never a proper dwarf."_

_"Cursed by Mahal, can't even grow a beard."_

_Then the punches began, the prince fought back but to no avail. They were faster, dodged better, until Kίli was on his knees in the dirt._

_The oldest of the four reached out grabbing a handful of the raven hair. "You've been defiled, humiliated, shamed. You don't deserve to call yourself a Durin. We'll just do what your uncle should have done himself." He pulled out a long-bladed knife preparing to cut off the hair he held._

_"HOLD!" Fίli's voice boomed across the scene as he approached._

_Fίli, thank Mahal. His big brother would save him, just as he always had. Kίli breathed a sigh of relief._

_"It is neither your right nor your place to mete out punishment. As Thorin's heir I claim that right." Fίli approached drawing a knife of his own as the other dwarf released the hair and stepped away._

_Kίli raised his eyes to look to his brother, not believing the words he had just heard. What he saw there made him tremble. The blue eyes were dark, hard, unforgiving._

_The golden prince reached out grabbing a braid that Kίli did not even realize he had. "So that all may know your shame." The knife flashed severing the royal braid and Fίli flung it away. "You are no prince."_

_Next the golden heir picked up his brother's second braid. "You have brought shame on the line of Durin. I reject your kinship as do all the rightful heirs of the line." The knife moved again removing the clan braid. "I renounce you as my brother."_

Kίli woke with a start, drenched in sweat despite the cool air in the stable. He sat up shaking, running his hands through his raven hair...none appeared to be missing. The dream had been too real. He swallowed hard wondering if that was really how his family felt despite their protestations otherwise.

The prince ran his hands over his face as he lay back down fearing he would get no more rest tonight. Since Daisy was standing now; Kίli simply curled up under the fur.

Fίli stretched, yawning, as he rolled over to check on his baby brother, only to find the bed empty. A dozen thoughts ran through his mind regarding Kίli's whereabouts ranging from simply gone to the privy to the much more likely bolted and ran. Taking a quick inventory he noted his brother's tunic and fur cover were missing, but his boots were not. That was a good sign perhaps he was just in the dining room. The golden prince hastily threw on some clothes and headed out front.

Dis and Thorin were seated at the table finishing up cups of tea when Fίli stumbled in.

"Kίli's not out here?" he asked reluctantly.

"No. We thought he was still in bed." Thorin's voice was matter-of-fact.

Fίli shook his head. "Not in the privy either. But his boots are still here."

"Maybe that means he hasn't gone too far." Dis tried to sound hopeful, all too used to Kili's disappearing acts.

Thorin rose, "I'll look through the village. Fίli, saddle up Myrtle in case your brother's been foolish again."

As Fίli entered the stable he was greeted by the whickers of ponies as they poked their heads over the stall doors in hopes of receiving a treat. All that is, except Daisy. He sprinted to the stall fearing that his brother might have actually taken his pony and left. As he peered over the door he noted Daisy standing in her stall close to a wall.

He entered the stall fearing something was wrong with the pony. As he approached Daisy raised her head.

"You alright, girl?"

As he stepped around the pony, he saw Kίli, curled up and covered with the fur. Fίli smiled down at his baby brother.

The golden prince knelt down and called, "Kίli, wake up, little brother."

When he received no response, Fίli reached out to shake his brother's arm. "Kίli?'

The younger dwarf sat up abruptly, startled awake, and blinked before his brain registered that Fίli was standing over him. Gasping, Kίli tried to scramble backwards but was too close to the wall.

"No, Fίli, please don't cut my hair. Please." He threw his arms over his head to protect his raven locks.

Caught off-guard by his brother's frantic plea, Fίli stared not certain what was happening.

"Kίli, what's wrong? What are you talking about?"

"You...you..." His voice trembled as he fought to find the words he needed.

Fίli pulled back giving Kίli more space between them and held his hands out with empty palms up. "Nadadith, I have no intentions of cutting your hair. Where did that even come from?"

Kίli looked around before bringing his gaze back to his brother's. He rubbed his hands over his face before answering.

"I guess I dreamed it. I had braids and...you said I was no prince...and ...you renounced me as your brother...Then you cut off my braids." He was near tears.

"No, Kee; I would never, never say those things. Never renounce you. Never cut your braids." Then he smiled, "You don't even wear braids. You're right; it was all just a bad dream."

Kili nodded, grateful that his brother had really not rejected him.

Fίli reached out to pull his brother's arms down and then proceeded to wrap his own around the younger dwarf. When Kίli did not protest the contact, Fίli pulled him closer until the raven head was cradled on his shoulder.

"Oh Kee, I am so sorry I let you down. I know that this has been hard for you, but please trust me, trust us. We just want to help you. We'll stand by you; whatever it takes."

Kίli nodded slowly against his chest.

"FILI," Thorin bellowed outside the stable wondering where his heir was with Myrtle. His search in the village had not turned up his sister-son.

"Uncle," Fίli called back. "He's here. In Daisy's stall."

Thorin made his way through the stable stopping at the stall to find his two sister-sons, relieved that there would be no need to search the forest and trails for the raven-haired prince. He was also relieved to note that Kίli was allowing Fίli to hold him without fighting.

"Kίli, are you alright?"

He looked up at his uncle and shook his head.

Thorin smiled back, "Come, little one, let us go back to the house. Your mother's been worried."

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**A/N:** Nadadith- little brother.

Sorry for dumping more angst on Kili, but the part about the dream just came to me (I definitely had not planned it since Kili's self-esteem is already so low)) and I ran with it. Poor Kee, it's kinda 1 step forward and 2 steps back; but at least now he knows that he needs to just accept his family's help (even if it isn't always the best), otherwise that gaping wound will never heal.

Yes, horses do lie down to sleep, just not for prolonged periods because it effects their breathing pattern.

Thanks to all who have R&amp;Rd. Please keep reviewing, I really enjoy hearing your thoughts. Expect the next chapter Sunday or Monday.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Merchant Caravan

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**A/N: **Timewarp- fast forward to spring.

**Disclaimer:** No ownership (except my OCs) or profit implied

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The day Fίli had found his brother in the stables had been the true turning point in Kίli's recovery when he realized he could not keep shutting out his family. Regardless of their sometimes inept attempts to help, they did care for him and had not rejected him over the incident. It had taken time, and not a little work, for the bonds of trust to start mending.

When spring finally returned to Ered Luin, the youngest heir of Durin had made progress in coming to terms with the horrible assault. Once he had remembered the incident, the headaches and dizzy spells had all but vanished unless he became especially upset or exhausted.

Kίli's frustration at the archery range was gone, too, his arrows once more flying straight and true. His winning smile had returned, even if not as readily as before, and his laughter seemed softer. When it was noted that the once rambunctious prince was not quite as reckless as before, well, those few who knew the story understood. And those who did not attributed the change to maturity.

While Kίli had come far in healing, not all things had returned to normal though. The dwarf who had so needed and craved touch was still not entirely comfortable with physical contact especially from those outside his immediate family. And the nightmares persisted.

The dreams, too, had changed in both frequency and content. At times, there were still flashbacks to the assault, now merely leaving Kίli with a sense of disgust instead of the debilitating night terrors he had suffered as his memories tried to return to conscious recollection. At other times they centered on his still unresolved feelings of shame and unworthiness. That was not to say, however, that the nightmares were totally gone. For on occasional nights Kίli still woke trembling and drenched in sweat, eyes wide and brimming with tears, breaths coming in gasps. It was those nights when Fίli held his little brother, rocking him gently, rubbing circles on his back, and whispering softly until Kίli relaxed enough to slip back into sleep, just as it had been when they were dwarflings.

With the turn of the seasons the ice and snow melted making travel outside their valley possible once again. Finally Thorin, Dwalin, and Fίli would be able to begin their search for the attackers now that Kίli's recovery was no longer an issue. Since Fίli was no longer concerned about leaving his brother in the village, they planned to leave within the week.

Also with the opening of roads came the much anticipated merchant caravans. The first group had arrived yesterday and pitched camp in a field just down the road from the village gates. After being basically snow-bound for months, the whole village would turn out to shop.

Dis had every intention of being among the first to see the merchant's wares when they opened; however, one of the dwarrowdams had gone into labor. This dam always had difficult deliveries and Dis had promised Oin that she would assist him when the time came. Unfortunately the time was the first merchant day morning.

Thorin had already gone to the forges for the day and Fili was leaving to meet Dwalin at the practice field. That left only Kίli. For the fourth time Dis went over the list she had prepared for her youngest son.

"I just need a few things this morning, but I want these before they are all picked over. Some of these dams will just take every last thing they can find and not leave a pinch for anyone else. You do know how to tell if the spices are good, don't you?" Dis queried. "And, of course..."

"Mum, please," Kίli protested. "I have the list. You've told me a hundred times now. I think I can do this."

Dis stopped and stared at her son, then smiled. "I'm sorry. Of course you can handle this."

She reached up to cup Kίli's cheek in her hand. He closed his eyes but didn't flinch at her touch. She knew her son had made progress over the months, but she wondered if he would ever be the Kίli that actively sought and relished affection again. Then Dis grabbed her bag and headed out the door.

Kίli was excited about the merchant faire. After months of being basically confined to their village there would be new faces, and some old acquaintances, but most especially new wares. He and Fili had planned to go in the afternoon after Fίli finished with sparring practice. He was supposed to be at the archery range himself, but since he had still been home when his mother had been summoned away, he had been chosen for her errand. So now he would get to go early and he would know the things he wanted to buy before his brother could beat him to them. Kίli smiled as he left for the market.

As he neared the site, Kίli saw booths and stalls, wagons and tents, spread across the thawed grass. Brilliant splashes of reds, greens, blues, and yellows dotted the field, interspersed with others of neutral colors. Most had fresh coats of paint heralding the start of a new merchant season; some just looked tired and worn-out, like a few of their owners.

Kίli made his way down the rows. There was only one spice merchant so it did not really matter if he knew anything about picking spices. He had to take what was offered. He hoped they would suit his Mum. So with the spices in his pouch, he turned down the next row.

Off to the right, a table caught his eye, one with archery supplies. As Kίli approached the booth, he saw a set of bracers that seemed to call out his name. The archer smiled thinking back over the past months to the time he had not been able to hit the target. But now, thankfully, his aim and control were back, after he had dealt with the...Kίli clamped down hard on the thought. He was supposed to be enjoying himself- he could not allow himself to dwell on the past.

The dark-haired archer admired the bracers, feeling the leather, appreciating the craftsmanship of the tooling. His own set was becoming worn and he would like to have new ones, especially since his skill was no longer in question. He supposed he could actually make them himself, but these were already finished and he would not have to wait to use them. The proprietor of the booth was in deep discussion with another customer and so the prince waited.

Kίli was so intent on studying the arm guards that he did not even notice when three men walked up behind him.

"Well, well, well. 'ho do we 'ave 'ere?"

Kίli recognized the voice immediately, a specter sounding forth from his haunted nightmares. He froze, fear paralyzing him.

"If it isn't little Kίli." Brogen reached out to run his fingers through the back of Kίli's dark hair.

The dwarf prince tensed as his heart rate soared. Kίli closed his eyes trying to maintain composure as his stomach churned threatening to rebel. Touching a dwarf's hair was not an act to be taken lightly, but rather an intimate ritual among loved ones. Kίli remembered those hands grabbing his hair before, and this was like being violated all over again.

_It's a bad dream, one of the nightmares. It has to be. If I hadn't just been thinking about that day..._.He wanted to run but his feet would not obey leaving him rooted in place. The pounding of his heart sent blood thrumming through his head as his gut tied itself into knots.

"Look, boys. You remember little Kίli, don't you?" Brogen pushed his body against Kίli's shoving him hard against the table.

The prince was barely able to stave off the panic which threatened to overwhelm him. _You are a prince of Durin. You are a prince of Durin. You are a prince of Durin._ Kίli screamed silently over and over in his mind.

"Been a while. 'ow ya been doin'?" He reached out to place a hand on the dwarf's thigh. Kίli's mind raced from a hand on his thigh to remembering hands on his hips as he bit down hard on his tongue to keep from crying out, the taste of copper bitter in his mouth.

We'll be around fer a few days. Maybe we kin 'ave some fun?" Brogen laughed turning to his companions and moving away from his victim.

Kίli took advantage of the movement to slide away from the hideous man. Steeling himself, Kίli walked away from his three tormentors without looking at them or uttering a word. As he made his way back towards the entrance, he could hear their raucous laughter following him along with Brogen's parting words, "We'll come find ya, little Kίli."

Once he was out of their sight, Kίli ran, without conscious thought, allowing the familiarity of seventy years in Ered Luin to guide his path. If he passed anyone, he did not see them. If anyone spoke to him, he did not hear. The young prince dashed back up the road and through the village gates, only stopping when he reached the training field. There Kίli bent over hands on knees to catch his breath that was coming in ragged gasps, only in part from exertion.

When he finally looked up Fίli and Dwalin were engaged in a sparring match. He remembered Fίli mentioning something about working on a new technique, but, right now, Kίli didn't care.

"F-fee, Fee, I n-need to talk t-to you," Kili called, his voice high-pitched and shaky.

"Not now, Kili," his brother called back never taking his eyes off his opponent. "I'm just getting the hang of this. I'll be home shortly."

"B-b-but Fίli..." Kili was close to whining as tears stung his eyes.

"Kίli, you know better than to interrupt a practice bout," Dwalin barked.

Kίli stared in disbelief. He felt his hands shake and knew his bottom lip was trembling. He desperately needed his big brother and he had not expected Fίli to brush him off so casually. _Fίli's always there when I need him. He promised. Why won't he listen to me? I need my brother._

Reluctantly the raven-haired prince turned away, the rejection etched on his face. Once again he broke into a run heading for his uncle's forge. As he rounded the corner Kίli slammed through the door only slowing as he approached the weapons' rack.

"U-uncle, Uncle," Kίli panted. "I-I have to t-talk to you r-right now."

Kίli's stutter should have warned Thorin that something was badly amiss. His sister-son was rarely at a loss for words and had outgrown the dwarfling stutter decades ago, except under extreme stress.

For whatever reason Thorin, intent on his work, missed Kίli's obvious distress, as had Fίli.

"Can't you see I'm busy, Kίli?" Thorin growled. "I don't have time for any nonsense right now. Shouldn't you be training?"

"B-But I h-have..." Kίli tried again.

"We'll talk at home tonight," Thorin cut him off. "Now go!"

Sniffing back a sob, Kίli turned on his heel and fled the forge turning into the alley that ran behind his uncle's building. The alley was little used, he knew from hours spent playing there with his brother in years past, so he did not expect to be interrupted. He knew he should go home but right now he did not have the strength to get there.

Suddenly Kίli fell to his knees, stomach heaving, as he spewed his breakfast onto the ground. When he was finally reduced to dry retching, he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and sat down away from his sick leaning back against the wall. He clasped both his hands over his mouth and nose to muffle his sobbing as hot tears streamed down his cheeks.

Kίli felt so lost and scared. He had never even considered seeing his attackers again, especially not in his own village. And his family would not listen to him. Even his mother was busy now, he would not be able to get close to her while she worked with Óin.

Had not Thorin and Fili always said they would protect him? And yet they had both brushed him off without even hearing him out. Their betrayal ripped at his heart while fear twisted his gut. He could still feel the fingers in his hair and the hand on his leg. He fisted his hands in his dark locks and rocked back and forth.

Moreover, he was an heir of Durin. He should be strong, should be able to master his fear. Thorin would disown him if he saw his sister-son blubbering like a dwarfling in public. And yet, the young prince was terrified that Brogen would make good on his threat. He pressed his palms to his temples trying to keep his memories from playing over and over in his mind.

Kίli's head throbbed in time to his heart thudding in his chest. His breaths were rapid and shallow, hitching in his throat. He knew he was panicking, just as he knew that Fίli was not there to help calm him. The realization gripped him with a new gut-wrenching terror. He would have to force the control himself, and so he repeated Fίli's litany in his mind.

_Breathe, Kίli. In...and...out. Slow in...and...out...Breathe._

Finally the dark-haired dwarf managed to bring his breathing under controland push down the panic that had threatened to overwhelm him. When at last he could wipe the tears from his eyes and face, Kίli took a deep cleansing breath. He needed a plan.

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**A/N:** Please don't hate the author. Poor Kili, but now Fili, Thorin, and Dwalin don't have to go looking for the culprits. And Fili and Thorin prove they are still not as savvy as they need to be. OK, let me know what you think- reviews are welcome and appreciated.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Sanctuary

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**A/N:** To Isky- Oh yes, Kili definitely needs some self-esteem.

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own anything relating to Middle Earth, except my OCs, and I do not profit; but I dearly love playing there.

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As Kίli's panic calmed and he was able to think rationally once more, he came to a realization. There was one place in the village where he had always felt secure and welcome. He knew he would be able to wait there until either Fίli or Thorin was free, and best of all, he would be safe. Accordingly he wiped the tears from his face and tried to smooth his clothes and disheveled hair before rising and heading toward the toy shop.

When he heard the door open, Bofur glanced up from arranging wooden soldiers on a shelf.

"Ah, Kίli. It's good ta see ya, lad," the miner turned toymaker called.

'B-Bofur," Kίli started voice still shaky. "Can I s-stay in the w-workroom a while?"

Hearing the tremor in the voice, Bofur looked up. His habitual smile faded quickly as he took in the young prince's appearance. Although Kίli had done what he could to mask the state he was in, it was still readily apparent that he was very upset.

"Oh, aye, sure ya kin," Bofur returned as he crossed to the door where Kίli stood unmoving just inside the shop. "Would there be anythin' I kin do ta help ya?" He took Kίli's arm and began drawing him toward the workroom.

The dark-haired dwarf did not answer, merely shook his head.

Once Kίli was seated at the workbench, Bofur left and quickly returned with a mug of ale which he sat before the prince. "Ya look as if ya could use this."

Kίli nodded and took a deep drink while the toymaker rummaged around to find a knife and piece of wood which he placed next to the mug.

"Ya keep comin' here 'n' we'll make a carver o' ya yet," Bofur chuckled as his cousin Bifur added something unintelligible in Khuzdul.

"Thanks, Bofur, Bifur," Kίli's voice no longer quivered.

"Lad, ya know, yer always welcome t'here." The toymaker laid a hand on Kίli's shoulder. ""N' I may not be able ta give ya the best advice, but I kin sure listen, if need be."

Kίli gave a small smile and nodded; but this wasn't something he wanted to share outside his family. He picked up the wood and slowly ran the blade across the surface.

The match on the training field ended in a draw and the blonde prince laughed, "Finally." Fίli reached out to clasp arms with his burly instructor.

"Aye, lad, I went easy on you that time," Dwalin returned. "I could see you were tiring. Next time will be harder."

"Like you ever give me quarter," Fίli shook his head, sweat dripping from his braids. Quickly he stowed his practice equipment and headed for home. He'd promised his brother they would go to the trader's market today and Kίli had already been by once, but then Kίli never did have any patience.

"Kee, I'm home," Fίli called stepping through the door. "Just let me clean up and we'll go."

He expected to see his brother come bouncing through the house ready to leave; instead he was met with silence. He walked to the bedroom to find it empty; there were no clothes, books, or mess of any kind to indicate that Kίli had spent any time at home today. His brother's boots were also missing.

"Kίli? Where are you?" Slightly perturbed, he shook his head. "Quit pouting. You know I had to practice today."

When he still received no answer, Fίli concluded his baby brother had just decided to go to the caravan market without him.. Growling at the impatient dwarfling-like behavior, he did a quick clean up and headed for the market field himself. He had a few choice words to share with his brother when he found the brat.

Fίli strolled through the aisles dividing his time between checking out the various wares and keeping watch for his brother's raven locks, his annoyance growing with each step. After one complete turn through the booths and wagons he had seen no sign of the wayward prince. Fίli felt certain he would have seen Kίli if his brother had been there. Thinking back to the practice field, Kίli had seemed agitated. At the time he had read it as impatience, but what if he had been wrong? What if something else had been going on? He knew the next place his brother would go if there had been a problem was to his uncle, and so Fίli left the marketplace at a trot headed for the forge.

Thorin had just placed a sword in the slack bath and was wiping sweat from his brow as his heir entered the forge, a look of concern on his young face.

"Fίli, I thought you and your brother would be at the market by now." Thorin called crossing to meet his sister-son.

"We were supposed to, but I can't find Kίli," the blonde explained. "He came by the training field earlier and I told him I'd meet him at home; but when I got home, he wasn't there."

"Did he go by himself?"

"No, I thought about that, too. I looked. He wasn't there either." Fίli countered.

"He came here this morning wanting to talk to me," Thorin remembered the anxious expression on his youngest sister-son's face. "I told him I was busy and would talk to him tonight. He didn't seem very pleased; he just turned and left. Come to think of it, he didn't argue or press the issue."

"You don't think there's some problem do you, Uncle?" Fίli asked with growing concern for his brother's whereabouts.

"Hard to tell with your brother," Thorin bit back a laugh.

Fίli nodded smiling at the accuracy of the remark. "Guess I'll keep looking for him. Surely he hasn't gone too far."

Thorin clapped his nephew on the shoulder; then Fίli turned and left the forge mentally making a list of the most likely places his brother could be.

A while later Fίli left Bombur's tavern, the last place on his list. Still no Kίli, and no one remembered seeing him all day. He exhaled in frustration. About the only place he had not looked yet was his brother's favorite tree in the forest, and he really did not want to trek out into the woods. Of course, if Kίli were pouting, that's most likely where he would be. Fili was tempted to just go home and let his baby, with emphasis on the baby, brother sulk alone.

As he turned back toward home, Fίli passed the toy shop. The two had spent many hours there as dwarflings since it had been one place that would calm the younger prince when he was throwing a tantrum. Kίli had always been fascinated by the Ur brothers' intricate toys, and they had been gracious enough to indulge the princes. It was worth a try.

Fίli walked into the shop looking around but did not see his brother. Disappointed he turned to leave when he heard Bofur call out.

"Been wonderin' when ya'd be comin' by, Fίli."

"So then my brother is here?" the blonde asked not quite sure what the toymaker's statement meant.

"Oh, aye, that he is; 'n' has been fer a while now." Bofur grinned, but then turned serious. "Seemed a wee bit upset when he came in tho'. He's in tha' back." He inclined his head in the direction of the workroom.

Fίli crossed the shop and pulled back the curtain leading to the back room to find the dark-haired dwarf, head bent in concentration, as he carved what appeared to be a lion.

"Durin's beard, Kίli!" Fίli exclaimed. "What do you think you're doing? You were supposed to meet me at home." He had not intended his words to come out so harshly, but he rankled at the thought of his brother happily carving animals with friends while he had been on an all-out search around the village to find him.

Kίli flinched at the sound, letting the knife and wooden animal clatter to the table as he jumped up, eyes wide like a dwarfling caught in the middle of mischief. The only thing that kept the bench from overturning was Bifur's weight on it.

Kίli looked up briefly meeting his brother's gaze before looking away; but it was long enough for Fίli to read the fear in those dark eyes. It was the same horror reflected there that he remembered from years before when nightmares had sent Kίli scrambling into his bed for comfort.

"They're here, Fee. They're here." Kίli gasped raggedly.

"Who's here? What are you talking about?" Fίli schooled his voice to remain calm.

"Those men." This time it was nearly a whine. Kίli's eyes were huge and his chin quivered as he chewed his lower lip.

Fίli still might not understand what had upset his brother but he clearly read the distress in Kili's posture and could only surmise that his brother had barely been holding himself together. He knew they needed to get home before Kίli lost the tenuous control he was desperately trying to maintain.

"It's alright, Kee. Everything's going to be fine." Fίli used his best comforting big brother voice. "Come on, let's go home."

Kίli hesitated staring.

"Trust me, nadadith." Fίli pleaded, surprised that the younger dwarf had not already run to him for security as he always did when frightened.

Kίli ducked his head then picked up the animal he'd been carving and walked over to his brother. Turning back he said, "Thanks for letting me stay."

"Anytime, laddie," Bofur returned as Fίli put his arm around his brother and led him out of the shop. He could feel the tension in his body as they walked in silence; and for once he was glad that Kίli was being quiet about whatever was bothering him, at least until they made it home. He was certain his brother was on the ragged edge of a panic attack that he would rather not deal with in public.

Once they entered the house and Fίli had closed the door behind them, he broached the subject again.

"Kee, I'm sorry, but I still don't know what you're trying to tell me," Fίli admitted.

Kίli stopped, back to his brother, and huffed in exasperation. _How could his brother not understand?_ He shook as he tried to bring himself to utter the words, tears once again rolling from his eyes. After swallowing hard, he managed to speak.

"The m-men that r-r-raped me are here w-with the c-caravan."

Kίli dropped to his knees, head in his hands and fingers gripping his unruly hair, as his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

Fίli stood speechless at the revelation; he had thought the next time he saw those abhorrent beasts would be when Thorin meted out justice. When he recovered from the shock the blonde asked, "You saw them? You're sure?"

"He t-talked to me. K-knew my n-name...S-s-stroked m-my h-hair." He sat back on his heels, his breaths coming in gasps as he rocked back and forth trying desperately to shove the heinous memories from the previous encounter out of his mind. Yet every time Kίli thought about this morning, his mind flashed back to a forest clearing on a fall day where he had learned the devastating reality of humiliation and defilement.

Fίli knelt beside his brother as he felt his gut clench at the words. Grasping the full impact of what had happened today, he realized that it was as if his little brother had been violated all over again. The image of those men touching Kίli's hair, a ritual of intimacy among Dwarves, appalled him. The elder prince thought of their morning routine where he finger-combed the snarls and tangles from his brother's raven locks, and knew that if stroked that hair now, Kίli would flinch and stiffen, if not pull away all together.

Then the revelation hit him like a hammer clanging against the anvil. He, the one who had sworn to protect his little brother, to always be there for him, had not been there today, had failed to protect him...again. And then when Kίli came to him for help, he had sent him away without even giving him a chance to explain what was wrong. Fίli clamped a hand over his mouth against the bile rising in his throat. He needed to make everything right, but before he could get a word out, Kίli continued.

"P-put his h-hand on m-my leg...S-s-said t-they'd c-come...f-f-find me."

Kίli's forlorn voice tore at Fίli's heart and he pulled his brother close wrapping his arms around him when he understood from those last words that the men actually intended to rape his brother again. No wonder Kίli was frantic. The golden prince sent a silent prayer to Mahal that this episode would not erase the progress Kίli had made over the winter.

Kίli buried his head against Fίli's chest, hands fisting in his brother's tunic as he sobbed out his terror and frustration at the day.

"Oh, Kee. I am so, so sorry. I should have listened to you. If I had realized, I would never have turned you away at the training field." Fίli assured while he rubbed circles on the younger dwarf's back. "And I know Thorin wouldn't have either. I'll tell Uncle and he'll know how to take care of it. But I'm here now. I won't let them hurt you again."

Kίli merely nodded agreement, no longer trusting his voice with speech, yet knowing that their bond reached deeper than any need for words.

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**A/N:** Kili's not having a very good day and it's not really going to get much better; but at least Fili's there now. Thanks to everyone who's sticking with me on this rollercoaster. Let me know what you think, please. Review, review, review.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Dwalin and Thorin

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**A/N:** This chapter is a little than some of the others since it's really a bridge chapter. Still I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't profit.

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Bombur was an excellent cook as was his wife. And so it was no surprise that their tavern, The Ram's Horn, was a favorite gathering place in the village whether for a meal or just a few ales and fellowship. Tonight Balin and Dwalin sat at one of the tables. Having already finished their evening repast, they were settling back with pipes in hand and ales before them as they heartily debated plans for the up-coming trade season. As usual a fiddler and piper had started into a rousing tune to which Bofur gladly added his bodhran.

While it seemed that the dwarves in the room were all preoccupied with their own pursuits, few failed to notice when three Men walked in and made their way up to the bar. Not that it was totally unheard of for Men to be there, it was just not a frequent occurrence. The village was not completely isolated, so traders, the occasional Ranger, people from other settlements commissioning forge crafts, and members from the trade caravans all had occasion to drop by the tavern. But then the dwarves were rather insular and, having learned from experience, were not always trusting of the race of Men.

The three took their mugs and turned back toward the room, eyes scanning the tables as if searching for someone. Finally they took a seat at a table close to the warrior and his brother and sat down with their drinks. Dwalin bristled at the proximity thinking their presence could bode nothing good. He even patted the axes on his back just in case.

Balin laid a hand on his sibling's arm quieting him before he could rise. "They've done no wrong," the white-haired counselor cautioned.

"Yet," Dwalin spat in answer.

"Aye," the elder replied nodding then turned back to the conversation.

Not long after It was apparent that dwarvish ale was a bit more potent than the Men were accustomed to imbibing for once they had downed a couple of tankards each, their tongues were loose and volume control impaired.

"Tole ya he wouldn't be here," one proclaimed eyes scanning the room.

":Yeah, Brogen probably skeered 'im off what wi' that 'we'll find ya' bit," the shortest fellow laughed pointing at the one with the scar running down his face.

Both Balin and Dwalin paid closer attention now that it was apparent the three were seeking a dwarf. They wondered who and for what purpose.

"Nah, I tell ye. Little Kίli didn't even flinch when I had my hand on 'im today." Brogen boasted.

At the name "Kίli" Dwalin growled and started to stand, the earlier events at the training field now coming into perspective. Balin, ever the diplomat, halted him again with a shake of his head. As Thorin's cousins, close friends, and councilors, they were two of the very few who knew the true story of what had befallen the princes in the fall; and the last statement left them both seething. If these were the same Men, they would answer to dwarrow justice; but it needed to be done properly.

"We got time. We'll find 'im. And it'll be just as much fun as it was afore." Brogen finished off his ale slamming the tankard down on the wooden table as they all shared a laugh.

After a few discreet Iglishmek signs Balin nodded to Dwalin who rose and stalked out of the inn. Shortly the elder dwarf followed stopping by the musicians to drop some coin in the winged hat currently being used to collect gratuities. He exchanged brief words with the bodhran player before he, too, exited the building.

After one more song Bofur made his apologies to his fellow musicians, split the night's tips, waved to his brother, and headed for home.

By the time the three Men decided they had had enough ale and that they would not be finding Kίli at the tavern that night, they were barely able to stand, but somehow managed to careen their way out the tavern door. Of course, then they were no match for the three armed dwarves that met them outside.

Dwalin, Balin, and Bofur made quick work of subduing the three rogues and securing them. Then while Dwalin and Bofur herded them into one of the small rooms in the mountain hall, Balin went to inform Thorin.

When Thorin arrived home that evening he expected to find the house empty assuming that Dis would still be attending the delivery and the boys at the caravan market. Thus he was utterly surprised when he opened the door to find Kίli curled in his arm chair face obscured by a curtain of hair.

"I thought you boys were going to the market this afternoon?" Thorin asked.

Kίli jumped, briefly raising his head to reveal puffy red eyes then returning to his former position without acknowledging his uncle.

"Kίli, what's wrong?" Thorin moved towards his nephew, but stopped as Fίli came into the sitting room from the kitchen shaking his head.

"Uncle," the blonde started. "There's a problem. Kίli tried to tell us both this morning but we wouldn't listen."

Thorin fixed the older prince with a glare at the implication he had somehow been remiss in his decision to send Kίli home without listening to him.

"And what would that be?" The eldest Durin inquired.

"The Men that attacked us and..." Fίli had intended to say _'raped Kίli'_; but one glance at his little brother made the words catch in his throat. "They're here with the trader's caravan." He managed to keep his voice calm despite the myriad emotions warring within him.

Anger coursed through Fίli's veins at the very memory; he wanted nothing more than to shred the three to pieces and scream out his loathing for their despicable acts. He wanted vengeance for what his brother had suffered and he still felt he needed absolution for himself. Once more he had failed to protect Kίli and broken his promise. He had sworn he would always be there when his brother needed him, but today, of all days, he had been too busy to listen, had summarily dismissed him. He could not even fathom how Kίli had felt having to find safety and solace with the toymakers instead of his own kin.

Thorin's face remained impassive as he turned again to his youngest nephew. "Is this true?"

Kίli nodded, still not looking up.

Silently Thorin cursed himself for having sent his sister-son away earlier. In retrospect he could see how distressed his nephew had been; but at the time he had been so focused on his work that he totally missed the signs. If Kίli had only mentioned what the problem was, he could have taken time for him. But that was his nephew's way, always trying to please him, striving for acceptance that he did not need to earn.

"Uncle," Fίli began again. "One of them threatened him and touched him."

"They what?" Thorin roared not daring to believe what he had just heard, enraged that the vile Men would dare lay hands on a prince of Durin at a Dwarrow village.

Neither of the princes had time to answer before they heard a banging on the door.

Thorin never moved, just turned his angry voice towards the door. "Go away!"

"Open up, Thorin. It's important," Balin called after knocking again.

"I said 'go away', Balin. It will wait until tomorrow." Thorin was furious at the continued interruption. He turned and stalked towards the door.

"Ye'll just have to forgive me, then." Balin swung the unlocked door open and stepped inside right in front of his furious cousin. "This won't wait."

"Can't you see we're busy here?" Thorin reined his temper back.

Balin looked around the room taking in Fίli's rigid posture and Kίli's near-fetal position. "Aye, that I can," the statesman replied nodding. "But there's a matter of justice that requires your attention... now." He paused before adding, "It involves your sister-sons and three Men from the caravan."

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**A/N: **Things are heating up and Thorin's in charge now.

To Isky- Kili was improving so Fili and Thorin were going on with their normal lives; and since the assault was no longer their primary focus, the Men were probably the farthest thing from Fili's mind. After all, they were planning to leave to go and hunt them down. Thanks to Sol Phyllon for explaining it way.

Thanks to all who are reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. Keep those reviews coming, they do make a difference. Next chapter should be up early next week.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Trial

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**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to JRRT and Sir Peter (except my OCs) and I receive no remuneration.

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Thorin blinked at his cousin's words, still glaring, but then stepped back from the doorway allowing the white-bearded dwarf to enter.

"Well?" the angry king-in-exile glared at his friend.

Balin looked around clearing his throat. He much preferred to explain things to Thorin alone knowing how fragile Kίli still was after the attack; but since he had mentioned the sister-sons already, he proceeded with his explanation.

"It seems you will not need to ride out to hunt down the ruffians who assaulted your sister-sons. Three men came to Bombur's tavern tonight. They were looking for Kίli," Balin's gaze shifted to the chair where his young cousin remained curled with no obvious response to the statement.

Thorin's jaw clenched as anger burned in his blue eyes. "What did they want?"

"Well, I can't rightly say, but I would hazard a guess that it was more of the same as before from their words." Balin turned back to meet their leader's glare.

"Where are they now?" Fίli blurted unable to control himself any longer. "What did you do?"

"Let's just say they are being detained by Dwalin and Bofur," Balin smiled. "I knew you would want to handle this yourself, Thorin."

"Indeed." The Dwarf lord nodded in agreement as he turned to strap on the sword he had left at the door. Finally he would confront the ruffians who had attacked his nephews. Once armed, he turned back to face the other dwarves.

"Fίli, Kίli, you will to come, too." This was no mere suggestion from an uncle; it was a command from the exiled King Under the Mountain. "You must verify that these are the ones who attacked you and state their crimes."

The golden prince nodded understanding that his uncle fully intended to hold court tonight and to deliver Dwarrow justice as warranted. Fίli paled slightly knowing that the penalty attached to these crimes was death. Their small village in Ered Luin did have call for courts but usually they dealt with minor offenses, settling petty arguments, or theft. Fίli had only ever read of such capital trials in Mister Balin's judicial texts. To his knowledge no one had been executed in the village during his life; but then he had not yet seen eighty name days and might just have been sheltered from such things.

Whatever reservations Fίli might have, he knew his brother would be devastated at the prospect of confronting his attackers. Kίli was already on edge after the events of the day and because of those three Men. Fίli feared how he would react, especially since he had neither raised his head nor spoken since their uncle came home.

"Kίli, did you hear me?" Thorin barked when his younger sister-son did not acknowledge the command or move to obey.

"Uncle, please," Fίli began realizing that his brother was shaking. "It will be hard for him to face them. I'm not sure he's ready for this." He crossed to stand beside his brother's chair briefly placing a hand on Kίli's shoulder, then turning back to face the other two. "I'll go. I was there. My words should be sufficient."

"Can your brother not speak for himself?" Thorin growled. "He is an heir of Durin. I will not allow him to cower in this house when his presence is required in a judicial court." Thorin's blue eyes were hard, his face a rigid mask. "Even if I must drag him there myself." He stepped toward Kίli's chair as if he meant to carry out the threat immediately.

"Wait," Fίli said placing himself between his uncle and his brother. "Let me talk to him."

Blue eyes met blue as Thorin glared, unaccustomed to having his golden heir question his orders. After tense moments of studying his sister-son's face, he nodded and stepped away to confer with Balin.

Fίli knelt before his brother's chair placing a hand back on his arm.

"Listen to me, Kee," he started quietly. "I know you're scared; that's all right. But I'm going to be right there with you. Isn't this what you've wanted? Justice? For them to pay for what they did?" He could feel his little brother trembling beneath his hand; but still he did not respond.

"Look at me." Fίli placed two fingers under Kίli's chin lifting his face to reveal swollen, red-rimmed brown eyes. "You're strong enough to do this, I know. And just think when you do, when Uncle Thorin passes judgment on them, they won't be able to hurt anyone else again. Remember, you stopped him from hurting Erda. Think of how many others you might save."

Kίli closed his eyes. He just wanted it all to go away. He could not bear to see those men again, to remember the fingers in his hair and the hand on his thigh, being trapped against the table with Brogen's body pressed tight against him. The shame and humiliation he had first experienced in the forest began to well up inside. He did not trust his voice for the memories of the pain and violation threatened to tear screams from his throat. He wanted to run, to hide. Thorin could hate him, call him a coward, not worthy to be a prince of Durin's line; but he did not care.

"Do it for me, nadadith, please." Fίli's final plea was soft, inaudible to any save the two of them.

_Why, Fίli, why did you have to ask me like that? I could ignore Uncle, but not you. Never you." _Kίli knew he could not refuse his brother's quiet request, no matter how much it cost him personally. Fίli had asked and he would do it. His nod was almost imperceptible. Then Kίli slowly uncoiled from the chair and stood up.

"We're ready, Uncle." Fίli called.

Thorin turned to stare at his nephews. He grunted in acknowledgement and then strode out the door followed by Balin.

Fίli grabbed both his dual swords and Kίli's single. Once armed the elder wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders as much to keep him from bolting as to provide support and comfort, and they, too, headed for the mountain hall.

Thorin covered the distance from their home to the hall in long strides and silence. He seethed with a fierce anger towards those who had so harmed his sister-sons and wanted nothing more than to plunge his sword into their black hearts. He had dealt with Men too many times before and was well aware of their disdain and contempt for the Dwarrow. On the long trek from Erebor, he had been reduced to seeking work in the forges of Men who never wanted to pay a noble wage for his work, who taunted and provoked the Dwarrow for fun, who picked fights with them and ran them from the towns.

Next the exiled prince's thoughts turned to his sister-sons. In his mind he could still see Fίli carrying Kίli's limp body through the house and hear Oin's words when they did not know if the young one would ever wake. And then, praise Mahal, Kίli had woken; but he was no longer the happy, carefree prankster they had known. Those Men had caused so much more than mere physical trauma; they had destroyed his innocence replacing it with shame and despair. And they would pay. Thorin had made that vow when he sat beside his unconscious nephew's bed, had promised, if he ever found them, he would kill them.

Balin led Thorin through the hall gates directing him to a closed door guarded by the toymaker in the funny hat. Here they waited for the younger ones to join them.

Fίli and Kίli had not walked through town with the haste of the elder Dwarves. Truth be told Fίli more than half dragged his brother through the streets. Kίli was in no hurry to confront his attackers and tried to stall the encounter as long as possible. During the entire walk, the golden-haired prince spoke words of encouragement to his sibling hoping to bolster his courage and stave off another panic attack.

When they finally reached the hall, they found Thorin, Balin, and Bofur standing before a door. Thorin's first impulse was to berate them for taking so long; but one look at his youngest nephew halted his words.

Kίli looked a mess. His usually unruly hair was even worse than normal standing out in places where he had fisted his hands in his locks and pulled. His expressive brown eyes held fear, and pain, and shame behind the red-rimmed swelling; and dried tear streaks stained his cheeks. Perhaps they should have taken time for Kίli to make himself more presentable; but if he sent him home to do so now, Thorin doubted he would return on his own.

"Kίli," Thorin placed his hands on his nephew's shoulders drawing him away from his brother. "You know why we are here?"

The young Dwarf did not meet his uncle's eyes, seemingly more interested in his boots; but he nodded once.

"I know you do not wish to be here. But because you suffered the most harm from these Men, you must be the one to accuse them. You are a strong son of Durin and your courage to do this makes me proud." Thorin placed his hand behind his nephew's head and drew them together, foreheads touching, and then with his fingers he smoothed Kίli's hair as best he could.

After a moment Thorin stood back appraising Kίli and asked one final question. "Ready?"

"Yes, Uncle."

Thorin turned to Bofur and nodded. The toymaker rapped on the door and it was swiftly opened to reveal Dwalin, Grasper in hand. Across the room three Men, all bearing the marks of the scuffle outside the tavern, sat with hands and to chairs.

Dwalin moved to stand nearer the prisoners as Thorin entered followed by the others. Fίli took his place at Thorin's side while Kίli hung back not wanting to face his attackers. Bofur pulled the door closed behind them resuming his position outside as guard.

The room was bare of trappings save a small table holding paper, quill, and inkstand that sat off to the side. Balin drew a chair up preparing to record the proceedings. When he was ready, he nodded for Thorin to begin.

One by one Dwalin called their names: "Brogan, Haddon, Reslett, hired guards for the traders' caravan."

"I am Thorin II, son of Thrain, son of Thror, rightful King of Erebor. You are accused of heinous crimes against Dwarrow and will face justice in this court.

The statement was met with protests and laughter.

"Untie us now afore our friends come lookin' fer us."

"We don't answer ta no dwarf."

"Today you do," Thorin returned coolly his icy stare sweeping across the three. "You are charged with committing physical harm, rape, and attempted murder."

"Ya can't prove it 'n' ya got no right ta judge us no way," Brogan mocked, his lips turning up into a smug smile.

Thorin opened his mouth to answer when Kίli stepped up beside him.

"I have the right," Kίli's voice was strong and firm as he stared directly at Brogen. "You beat us, you choked me, you threatened to kill my brother, you left us tied up in the woods to die." He paused then, staring at each one individually. "And you raped me. Then you entered a Dwarrow village, so I have the right to demand justice according to Dwarrow law."

Fίli managed to keep his face impassive but was infinitely proud of his brother. He had feared how Kίli might react once he saw the Men, but Kίli had surprised him with his resolve.

The Men gaped at Kίli's accusations. After this morning's encounter none would have thought he had the courage to challenge them publically. They looked at each other, doubt beginning to show on their faces. All residual effects from the ale had deserted them now and along with it much of their false bravado.

Brogen's mouth went dry as the dwarf spoke, finally appreciating the gravity of their situation and scrambling for words that might save them. The dwarves were not going to accept reason, not that there actually was any explanation, so he tried to turn the tables by casting dispersions.

"I'm shocked, little Kίli, that ya'd accuse us so falsely since ya didn't complain today when I said we'd meet ya. Besides ya enjoyed it so much the last time." Brogen smirked with confidence as his companions agreed and laughed.

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**A/N:** Oh dear, what a nasty thing to say. No one ever said these guys were known for their intelligence, in fact, most likely the opposite. Plus they have no idea who Fili and Kili really are. Thanks to all who are reading and following; and keep those reviews coming. I really enjoy reading your thoughts.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Sentence

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**A/N: **To Isky- Thorin obviously skipped the sensitivity training. Yeah, I'm thinking no one in the caravan is going to miss those scum. In fact, the caravan will be much better off with Dwarrow guards.

**Disclaimer:** No ownership or profit implied.

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For the space of a heartbeat no noise was heard in the room. Then Brogen's lips twitched into a smug smile as his accomplices clamored their agreement with the accusation. The dwarves, momentarily taken aback by the outrageous claim, remained silent.

Fίli stole a quick glance to his side noting Kίli's eyes widen in disbelief before closing as a flush rose on his cheeks. The clenched jaw, rigid arms, and fisted hands, one gripping his sword hilt, meant that his brother was fighting to control his reaction.

Thorin growled, his eyes flashing fury, as he bit back his need to throttle the brigand. Likewise, Fίli, now livid with rage at the mere thought, flexed his wrist dropping a concealed blade into his hand ready to mete out quick justice with a single throw.

It was Dwalin, however, who stood closest to the three and reacted first. He remembered Kίli, so devastated in the aftermath of the attack, and even now so different from the happy, mischievous dwarfling of the past, the bald warrior saw his field of vision flash red. A wave of fury cascaded over the large dwarf burying any logical thought under raw rage; and with a snarl Dwalin hefted Grasper in his hands and started to swing.

Seemingly for the first time Brogen grasped the reality that he was going to die as the last effects of the ale on his mind was replaced by the icy grip of terror. He stared at the gleaming blade swinging towards him trying in vain to wiggle out of its path. Usually one to have his way through intimidation or force, he paled at the realization that for the present their fate really was in the hands of Dwarves and there would be no one coming to their aid.

"Enough," Thorin's bellow reverberated off the stone walls. A pledge, strengthened by years of loyal service to his exiled prince, stopped the Dwarf mid-swing. With a grunt he stepped back to his place, the axe still firmly in his hands.

As tension in the room ebbed, Thorin continued in a more normal voice. "Leave us not be counted barbarians as these Men are. We proceed according to Khazad law." He paused, waiting for any objections.

Kίli cleared his throat, visibly relaxing tense muscles, before responding to Brogen's boast. "Because you speak to entertain yourself and your followers, I deemed it beneath me to reply today. As for before my blade would have ended your life, had your lackey not threatened my brother's."

Before any further words could be bandied about, Thorin spoke. "We have heard the accusation. The accused have confessed to the crime."

The Men shouted vehement denials and spat curses as they struggled against their bonds, to no avail as the Dwarf proceeded.

"Now we vote...What say you, Fίli son of Dis?"

"Guilty."

"Balin, son of Fundin?"

"Guilty."

"Dwalin, son of Fundin?"

"Guilty." It came out as more of a growl than a word.

"You have been tried and found guilty of violating Khazad law," Thorin pronounced.

"Like I said afore, we don't answer to no dwarf law," Brogen sneered straining against his bonds as he tried to maintain his false bravado then looked at Fίli and Kίli. "We shoudda cut yer throats when we 'ad tha chance, ya worthless whelps."

Dwalin raised Grasper letting it fall back against his palm with a loud smack as a reminder that they were not helping their position.

"Fίli, Kίli, come. I would confer with you before passing sentence." Thorin turned leaving the room.

Fίli looked to his brother before moving toward the door. Kίli stood immobile as if drained of all energy, or perhaps, he was using all his strength just to maintain control. Fίli put a hand on his arm and pulled him away to follow their uncle. Kίli followed wordlessly.

Thorin led them to a small antechamber nearby before addressing his nephews.

"Fίli, Kίli, as princes of Durin's line you have studied the law. I would hear your input concerning the sentence."

Oh yes, they were well aware of the law, and that the three Men had committed at least two capital crimes and had intended another. Fίli wanted vengeance, not just for himself, but for all that his baby brother had suffered at their hands, as well as after.

"They are guilty of capital offenses. By our law, they are punishable by death," the blonde's words barely concealed the anger flashing in his blue eyes. After all, he had just come within moments of cutting one down himself for their audacity.

Thorin nodded considering his heir's words. He looked to his other sister-son for his opinion.

Kίli remained quiet, eyes downcast, not meeting his uncle's gaze.

"Kίli?" Thorin prompted; but his nephew remained silent. Fίli reached out to place a hand on his brother's shoulder in support, only to feel muscles flinch at his touch. Heir and exiled king exchanged looks before Thorin reached out placing fingers under the youngest's chin and raising his face up.

"I know you do not want to be here. You were not prepared to face your attackers at trial today; and yet, that is where we are." Thorin paused before continuing. "Despite how hard it must be for you, you stated your accusations well. And for that, I am proud. But your part has not ended, yet. I would hear your thoughts." He released Kίli's face.

Although Thorin was proud of both his sister-sons, he rarely verbalized it expecting them to excel at the things they undertook. Under other circumstances Kίli would have been thrilled at his uncle's praise; but at this moment his shame kept him from appreciating the words.

"I-," Kίli seethed. "I want them dead. I want them to suffer like I did. They don't care what they did. They're arrogant and given the chance they'd do the same again." So far Kίli had not met his uncle's gaze; but now their eyes met allowing Thorin to see the pain beyond the fury reflected in the deep brown.

"Then we are in agreement." Thorin declared looking from Fίli to Kίli where his gaze lingered. "You know you must ask for the penalty."

The dark-haired prince nodded, even if he looked more likely to bolt than to return to the tribunal.

"Before we return, will either of you participate in carrying out the sentence?

"I will." Fίli knew it was the way he could receive closure from the awful incident; and he would be a witness to the justice in case his little brother refused the offer.

Thorin nodded appreciating his sister-son's maturity.

Kίli knew the answer that was expected of him, that Thorin and the others would assume he wanted to deliver the penalty himself. Vengeance was the Durin way, meting out justice as a royal duty. It was what had driven his uncle ever since Azanubizar. Yet the raven-haired prince did not desire to see their blood on his sword for their deaths could not erase the humiliation he still felt over the defilement.

Victory. He held victory in his hands, the chance to exact revenge for what had been done to him. He had thought of this moment throughout the winter months once he had remembered that devastating day. And now Thorin was offering him the opportunity he had dreamed of, only now, Kίli realized that as badly as he wanted to see the brigands suffer, their deaths could not alter the past. All it would accomplish was to satisfy Khazad law.

"I will bear witness," the words were spoken quietly. It was the one concession Kίli was willing to make. Let the others think him weak, it mattered not to him.

"Will you not...?" Thorin started, only to be stopped by a scowl and a shake of the head from Fίli who knew better than to try forcing his brother to do more.

"Then it is decided." Thorin moved to the door expecting his sister-sons to follow.

The three filed back into the room once more taking their places. The Dwarf leader looked around the room meeting the gaze of each Dwarrow before continuing.

"Let the proceeding continue."

Kίli rubbed sweaty palms against his trousers as he swallowed down the bile that threatened to rise into his throat. He raised his head and in a firm voice he spoke.

"I, Kίli, son of Dis, request that these three, found guilty of violating Khazad law, pay the maximum penalty for their offenses. I ask they be sentenced to death."

The Men spat curses and protestations at the request until Thorin bellowed.

"Enough!" He then addressed the other Dwarves. "These Men have been found guilty. A sentence of death requested. How say you? Fίli, son of Dis?"

"Aye."

"Balin, son of Fundin?"

"Aye."

"Dwalin, son of Fundin?"

"Aye."

"I, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror of the line of Durin, say, 'Aye.'" He paused briefly before continuing. "Sentence has been rendered: punishment by death. By Mahal's hammer, so let it be."

"By Mahal's hammer, so let it be," all of the Dwarrow repeated in unison thus formalizing the sentence and closing the proceedings.

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**A/N: **So the trial and sentencing is over; the dwarves don't mess around, especially when they're all riled up.

Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, followed and favorited. Keep those reviews coming in- let me know what you like or what you don't.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Justice

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**A/N: Non-graphic violence.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything from JRRT or Sir Peter's works, nor do I profit.

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Once again the Men cursed and fought against the bonds holding them in place. They would not go quietly to their execution. Thorin opened the door to give instruction to the toymaker still stationed outside before returning his attention to the prisoners.

With a look to his friend, Thorin inclined his head, "Silence them."

Dwalin laid down his axe and pulled a knife from his belt. Walking behind the three he brought the hilt of the weapon down to the back of their skulls rendering them unconscious. Then the dwarves set about untying them from the chairs to bind and gag them again.

By the time Bofur returned the prisoners were ready for transport. They carried the unconscious bodies out to the wagon where they secured and covered them before straddling their own ponies and setting out down the forest road. The near full moon illuminated the road they traveled.

Once Thorin deemed them far enough away from the village, he called for a halt. After securing the ponies, the dwarrow returned to the wagon where the Men were just coming to their senses. They pulled the prisoners from the wagon and dragged them into the forest until they reached a small clearing. After lighting the area with torches, they forced the rogues kneel in the middle of the space.

"You have been tried, found guilty, and sentenced according to Khazad law." Thorin spoke. "The sentence will be carried out as determined." He then stepped behind Brogen as he drew his sword.

Dwalin and Balin likewise took up positions behind the other two with axe and sword in hand. Bofur stood to the side with the two princes. Fίli laid a hand on his brother's shoulder.

As Thorin called, "Now," three weapons flashed in the torchlight cleaving heads from bodies. Thorin wiped his blade on the body in front of him before sheathing it and walking to his nephews.

Placing a hand on shoulders of his sister-sons, Thorin studied their faces before speaking. Despite his satisfaction that justice had been rendered, Fίli's face was impassive; it said that he had fulfilled a responsibility as a Prince of Durin. This was what his uncle expected.

Kίli, who usually wore his feelings on his sleeve and could never hide his emotions, had a blank mask on his face. His usually expressive eyes were dull staring straight ahead, his lips a thin line with no hint of smile. It almost seemed as if the raven prince was somewhere else in his mind.

"They have paid for their crimes against both of you. Justice has been served." Thorin proclaimed. Turning to Fίli he continued, "I appreciate your willingness to participate in the execution. Balin and Dwalin wanted to do this for you."

"I understand," Fίli returned still in prince mode.

"Kίli?" Thorin called.

The prince jerked as if startled before turning his gaze towards his uncle.

"They have paid the price for laying hands on you," Thorin counseled. "They cannot hurt you again."

Kίli blinked but did not reply.

"I am proud of you today. You faced your attackers, accused them, demanded justice, and witnessed it. That was very brave." Thorin tried to convey how pleased he was with his nephew's conduct.

Kίli nodded as the corners of his mouth turned up slightly in a poor imitation of a smile.

"Fίli, take your brother home," the eldest Durin instructed. "I will be there as soon as we clean up here."

The golden prince nodded as he gripped his brother's arm pulling him away. "C'mon, Kee. Time to go." He grabbed one of the torches as they made their way back to the ponies.

Once the ponies were back in their stalls with the tack stowed, the brothers made their way to the house. The darkness from the windows showed that Dis had yet to return. Accordingly, after lighting the lamps, Fίli proceeded to the small kitchen to boil water for tea as he sat salted meat, bread, cheese, and fruit on the table.

While his brother worked, Kίli settled in his mother's chair, head bowed, rubbing his temples against the pain throbbing behind his eyes before pulling his legs up, knees against his chest. He wrapped his arms around his legs and dropped his head to his knees. The day had been exhausting, emotionally and physically. His body ached in the aftermath of multiple adrenaline surges leaving him drained. The dark-haired prince wanted nothing more than to fall into his bed and hopefully drop into the blissful unconsciousness of sleep. Yet he could not help but think that a peaceful night would not be coming.

Fίli poured two mugs of tea then walked into the sitting room. When he saw his little brother's posture, he stopped, inwardly groaning. Like Thorin, he had thought that exacting justice from those rogues would make Kίli happy, help him to heal. Only there had been no change in the Dwarf's demeanor. He remained just as withdrawn as he had been earlier after the morning encounter.

Setting the mugs down on a small table next to the chair, Fίli knelt down.

"Kee, are you all right?"

" 'M fine." He did not look up.

"No, you're not." The blonde prince put his hand on his brother's back rubbing small circles. "Please talk to me."

Kίli hummed.

"It's over now. They can't ever hurt you again." Fίli pleaded. "Please, nadadith."

"Will you never understand?" Kίli yelled raising his head to lock gazes with his brother. "It doesn't matter if they're dead or not. It doesn't change what they did to me. It doesn't make me forget. It doesn't bring back what I've lost." His voice broke at the end.

Kίli dropped his head back down before continuing in a softer voice. "I thought seeing them dead would make everything better; but when Thorin asked me, I realized that it wouldn't. I know they deserved death for what they did, but it still doesn't change anything. It didn't take away the memories."

Fίli felt his heart breaking as he saw the pain behind those huge brown eyes. For an instant he worried that the younger Durin might never heal; then he pushed the thought away promising himself that no matter what it took he would help his baby brother recover.

"I'm sorry. You're right and I shouldn't have presumed to think I knew how you'd feel." He pulled Kίli against his shoulder and into a tight hug, stroking the raven hair as he felt tears drop onto his shoulder.

Kίli finally pulled back swiping his hand across his eyes to dry the tears. As he stared back at his brother, a ghost of a smile crossed his face.

Fίli stood up holding out a hand which Kίli accepted allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

"Let's eat. Bring your tea." Fίli led the way to the dining table.

Just as the lads sat down, Thorin tromped through the front door, his clothes bearing witness to his recent activities. Nodding to his nephews he continued to his room returning momentarily in a clean tunic. As he joined them at the table, Fίli set a mug of tea before his uncle then returned to his own chair.

It might have been a cold meal, but Thorin and Fίli dug in piling food on their plates while Kίli took only cheese and bread.

As Thorin reached for a second hunk of cheese, he noted that Kίli was not eating. In fact he had taken only a few bites and now set tearing small pieces from the bread.

"Kίli, aren't you going to eat?" Thorin asked.

His nephew flinched before mumbling, " 'M not hungry. Think I'll go to bed." Abruptly he rose and headed for his bedroom."

"Kίli!" Thorin called, but Fίli interrupted placing his hand on his uncle's arm.

"Let him go. He's still hurting," the blonde noted quietly.

"But the Men are dead. What more does he want?" The king-in-exile was at a loss to understand why his sister-son was not better now. He had done so well today so why now was he so withdrawn and glum?

"He said that making them pay the penalty didn't change what they'd done to him."

"Nonsense," Thorin barked. "Justice has been served. He has been avenged. That should count for something."

"Uncle, I think it's more than that," Fίli tried to remember his brother's words from just after the incident. "Remember after it happened, he said he was afraid you would disown him."

"He is a foolish dwarfling," Thorin interrupted. "Why would he think that?"

"He said you wouldn't want a defiled prince and that he was no longer worthy to be of Durin's line." The words tried to stick in his throat and Fίli heard his voice waver as he remembered his devastated little brother telling him to go home alone.

Thorin stood intending to go speak with his nephew, but Fίli grabbed his arm.

"Please, Uncle, can't it wait until tomorrow? He's still really upset. Hasn't he been through enough for today?"

Grunting, Thorin nodded returning to his seat. "Until tomorrow then."

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**A/N:** So, justice is served, now everything can go back to normal, right? Yeah, not really. Nothing's ever that simple and psychological trauma doesn't go away that easily.

A big welcome to the new readers; and a heartfelt thanks to all who read, review, follow, and favorite. You guys are the best, so keep reading and reviewing.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Private Thoughts and Conversation

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**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I still don't own anything related to Middle Earth except my OC's, nor do I profit.

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It was some time later after the table had been cleaned and the dishes washed that Thorin set in his chair, pipe in hand, pondering the events of the day. His thoughts turned to Dis, apparently still in attendance at the dwarrowdam's delivery, hoping that the length of time did not bode ill for that family. Maybe if she had been home, she would have known how to speak with Kίli. Seems she always knew what to say to rein in her sensitive son.

Next the king-in-exile's mind turned to the merchant caravan and the guards who would not be returning to protect it. He knew the dangers of travel through the wild and disliked leaving them without guards. There would be dwarrow in the village willing to sign on for the seasonal work. If it had been under other circumstances, he would have mentioned the option to Fίli and Kίli since they had worked as caravan guards before.

The problem was that Thorin did not want to explain just why the caravan would need new guards. In fact, he had tried to keep the knowledge of what had truly happened to his youngest sister-son within the family; although Bofur had been involved tonight. Still he did not begrudge Balin's and Dwalin's decision to include the toymaker. Besides Bofur had worked with this caravan leader before when he and Bifur had traveled as merchants; and he could deal with the leader as well as help recruit. Yes, he would speak to Bofur in the morning.

Finally Thorin mulled over what Fίli had said about his brother. It _didn't change what they'd done to him._ No, it did not; nothing would ever change the past. He ran a hand over his forehead brushing dark hair back as he remembered how different Kίli was after the assault: the amnesia, the headaches and dizziness, the flinching away from touch. And yet the worst had been that his jovial, effervescent nephew became quiet, hardly ever smiling.

Once he had overcome the amnesia and remembered that day in the forest, Kίli had made progress. His archery proficiency was back and he was less reserved. Even though he might still flinch at some touch, he now returned his mother's hugs. It seemed as if the youngest Durin was recovering well; and Thorin had hoped tonight's proceedings would bring the closure that Kίli needed. He realized how wrong he was when he had seen the pain that lingered in those deep brown eyes.

Thorin had much to ponder before speaking with his nephew on the morrow. No, Kίli was absolutely right. Revenge could not erase the memories, could never set things right. There was no going back.

The dwarf set his pipe on the table before burying his face in his hands as glimpses of own little brother came unbidden to mind. Frerin running through the halls of Erebor laughing. Ferin as a dwarfling trying to lift an axe so he could practice with his brother. Frerin chasing little Dis around the great hall until she turned around and decked him. And finally Frerin lying in a pool of his own blood at Azanulbizar, Thorin's baby brother, far too young for war, and gone to the halls of waiting far too early.

Thorin wiped his hand across his eyes feeling a wetness he would never call tears. Even though he had cleaved the arm from that brute Azog and watched him slink away to bleed out his hideous life somewhere in the darkness of Moria, it was not enough to relieve the pain and loss of a brother and a grandfather.

With a sigh, the exiled king shoved his painful memories back down into the recesses of his mind burying it away once again. He was of the line of Durin, albeit in exile; he would not allow his past to hamper his present. He had to be strong for his people- that was the way of Durin.

Thorin picked up his pipe once again turning his thoughts back to what he would say to his sister-son.

Once the house was in enough order to pacify Dis when she returned, Fίli bade his uncle goodnight and went to his bedroom. He opened the door to a dark room silently berating his brother for not leaving any light, never thinking that Kίli probably had not even bothered with one. After a few moments his eyes adjusted. He found the moonlight pouring through the open curtain sufficient to navigate around Kίli's clothes strewn carelessly across the floor.

Fίli stepped up to the side of his brother's bed. Kίli was curled into a tight ball facing the wall just as he had been when he had remembered the assault. His brother never slept like that.

"I know you're not asleep," Fίli stated. There was no response.

"Come on, Kee, you can't fool me. I know you're awake. You're just lying there brooding."

"What if I am?" Kίli groused without moving.

"This whole day has been rough on you. Part of that was my fault and I'm sorry," Fίli tried to sound reassuring. "I just want to know that everything's all right with you."

"It is." The voice was flat.

Fίli rolled his eyes. His brother was going to make this difficult.

"Oh, nadadith, you know you can't lie. Please just talk to me."

"Nothing to say." Still Kίli remained turned to the wall.

"Liar. You used to prattle on for hours about all kinds of nonsense and now you can't find anything to say? Then look at me." Fίli placed his hand on his brother's arm to get him to uncurl and face him.

Kίli flinched and jerked away. "Don't, Fee. Just don't." His voice trembled.

The blonde prince sat on bed. "Do you remember when you were younger and something bothered you? You'd crawl in my bed and wake me up so you could tell me. And then you'd ask if you could sleep in my bed with me and if I'd hold you." He paused giving time for the words to sink in. "Now you won't talk to me and you don't want me to touch you. Don't you trust me anymore?"

"I-I-I trust you," his voice was soft, the stutter once again revealing just how upset he was.

"Then talk to me."

"'Bout what?"

"Mahal, Kίli! Why do you have to make everything so hard?" Rolling his eyes Fίli paused taking several deep breaths to calm himself before continuing. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap, but you are so infuriating at times."

Kίli huffed.

"Uncle Thorin wants to talk to you tomorrow."

"Why?" The question was barely audible.

"Because he thinks you should be over everything now that Brogen and his men are dead."

Kίli twined his fingers in his hair as if that would slow his racing heart and increasingly rapid, shallow breaths. He swallowed hard as his gut twisted in knots. The walls of the room were collapsing around him, threatening to crush him in dark despair and self-loathing.

"N-no one u-u-understands." His voice cracked.

"Then explain it, nadadith." Fίli hated having to drag things out of his brother, hated to see him so upset, so visibly distressed. Kίli had long since outgrown his stuttering, except when he was verging on panic. The older prince wanted desperately to intervene before it reached that point; but he could not help until he understood what was going through the younger Dwarf's mind.

"I-I don't w-wanna talk a-about i-it." His voice quavered as tears rolled down his cheeks. He wanted Fίli to shut up and leave him alone. Yet he longed for nothing more than to have his nadad hold him, tell him everything was fine like when he was a dwarfling. Only that required physical contact and Kίli did not want to be held or even touched. His mind was being ripped apart, torn between his needs and his fears.

"I know, Kee; but just trust me." Once again the blonde reached out laying his hand on his brother's shaking shoulder. "Tell me so I can understand."

Kίli stayed curled into the wall, back to his brother, breaths coming in hiccoughing sighs as he fought the urge to pull away.

"You c-can n-never understand." It sounded like a whine. "I...you..." He tried, but the words refused to come out. In exasperation, Kίli tore his fingers through his hair.

Fίli quickly reached over grabbing his brother's wrists. "Hands out of your hair," he soothed. "Rip the sheet apart if you have to."

Kίli let the blonde pull his fingers away from his head before twisting out of the grip around his wrists.

"Y-you don't k-know how it f-feels to b-be makhlel banarȃl."

"No. I don't. And I'm sorry you do." Fίli admitted feeling the burden of his own guilt wrap icy fingers around his thoughts. "I should have protected you better. I would have changed places with you if I could."

"You don't d-dream about fingers d-digging into your hips." He curled his fists tightly into the sheet beneath him as if that could rip the horrid visions from his mind. "Or p-pain you can't even imagine. Or l-look at faces and t-think, 'they k-know what h-happened.' Or know that the ones who s-said you weren't a r-real Dwarf now have even m-more reason to say y-you're not worthy of D-Durin's line." Kίli's gut clenched at the thoughts roiling through his brain as giving utterance to them only drove the reality home harder.

Fίli felt his heart break over the anguished words. He resisted the urge to grab his baby brother and hug him, to wipe away the tears and assure him that it would be all right because just now he was not sure himself that things would ever be right for his brother again. It felt so awkward not offering physical comfort as he had so many times before. He had always been able to calm Kίli, even times when their mother could not; but this situation left him feeling inadequate, not knowing what to do.

Finally he reached a compromise with himself. Fίli tentatively reached out to stroke the raven hair. Kίli shivered at the touch but did not pull away as his jumbled thoughts poured out.

"D-doesn't matter if they're dead or a-alive; it doesn't c-change what they did. Doesn't wipe away the m-memories or c-change the dreams. Doesn't c-change that I'm d-defiled, d-d-disgraced...kȃmnal"

Fίli had heard enough. He reached out to wrap his arms around his little brother and pull him onto his lap. Kίli thrashed trying to break the hold; but the blonde was stronger.

"Calm down, Kee. Don't fight me," Fίli whispered in his brother's ear. "You're safe. We love you. Nothing that's happened can change that." Slowly Kίli relaxed, finally turning to bury his head against Fίli's shoulder fisting his hands in his brother's tunic as he was once again overtaken by wracking sobs.

The golden prince rocked slowly back and forth softly humming a lullaby their mother had used when they were both little. As he finally felt the tension drain from his baby brother, he began to card fingers through the dark locks again.

At last Kίli quieted, his sobs dropping away to sniffles, as his tears stopped flowing.

"Ready to sleep now, nadadith?" Fίli asked quietly.

Kίli did not answer, merely nodded against his brother's shoulder.

Slowly the golden prince shifted his weight sliding the younger Dwarf out of his lap. He scooted to the edge of the bed and stood to make his way across the room to his own bed.

"Fee," Kίli's voice was hesitant and raspy from crying. "Don't leave."

"Of course not," he returned, adding "If that's what you want."

Kίli hummed.

After changing to his night clothes, Fίli crawled back into the bed lying on his back. Kίli moved next to him placing his head on his brother's chest and wrapping the fingers of one hand in the golden curls. Fίli wrapped his arm around his sibling's shoulders only to feel Kίli tense. He quickly dropped his arm away.

"No," Kίli said shakily. "I'll be all right."

"Sure?"

There was no answer, just a nod against his chest, and so Fίli laid his arm lightly across his brother's shoulders again. This time Kίli managed not to flinch although Fίli could tell that he was chewing his lower lip.

"Go to sleep, nadadith."

Fίli lay still relishing the moment. It was not quite the same as in the past. Kίli was not draped across him, in fact, his brother had only moved close enough to rest his arm and head on his shoulder. The older prince could live with that much right now. This was the closest they had been since the assault, and even if Kίli was not comfortable with it, he was at least trying.

Fίli sighed before placing a kiss on the raven hair.

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**A/N:** makhlel banarȃl- victim of rape

kȃmnal- dirty

Once again thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. Love getting those reviews, so keep them coming. Expect the next chapter on Wednesday.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Dis Comes Home

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**Disclaimer: **Don't own, don't profit.

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The sun's rays were just peaking over the horizon when a tired princess made her way down the walk to her home. Quietly opening the door, she slipped inside hoping not to waken any of her sleeping family. Once inside she paused seeing her brother lounged in his chair, head bowed, but eyes open gazing ahead. His arms rested on his chest, index fingers steepled.

Dis set down her load as she approached the chair.

"Thorin?"

"Dis!" He jumped, not the least happy that he had been so occupied with his thoughts to have missed his sister's approach.

"Brother, why are you still up?" She felt an odd tingling on the back of her neck.

Thorin sighed running his hands across his face. "Can't this wait? You must be terribly tired."

"Don't try to push me away and say it's for my own good" Dis glared. "I can tell by looking at you that something's going on." She huffed, her mind flying through potential explanations before gasped, "Fίli, Kίli? They're all right aren't they?"

"Calm down, namadith," Thorin smiled up at her and reached for her arm pulling her to sit on the chair arm. "Yes, they are. They're asleep."

Tension drained out of the dwarrowdam's body as she was assured that her sons were not in danger.

"Then what's going on?"

"It was just a long, trying day and the explanation can wait till we're rested." Thorin locked eyes with his sister letting her see there was no deception in his statement. "Surely you are tired after yesterday, no?"

Dis snorted. "Very tired. Rust and ruin, I thought that dwarrowdam might never deliver," Dis ran a hand over her head smoothing the fly-away hairs that had escaped from her braids. "But now there's one more little lad in Ered Luin."

"Then we've both done our duty," Thorin smiled at his sister, then stood. "And now we should rest." He kissed her cheek and ushered her towards the sleeping quarters.

When Thorin and Dis rose later in the morning, the boys were already gone. The elder Durins shared tea and a quick breakfast while discussing the events of the previous day.

Dis was horrified at the revelation that the three brigands who had attacked her sons were traveling as caravan guards. Her distress only grew when she heard about Kίli's encounter with them and the rest of his day.

"Brother, how could you just ignore him? Kίli's so transparent; his distress should have been obvious." Dis was fuming.

Thorin raised his hand to silence his sister before she broke into a full tirade.

"You're right, I should have known; but I didn't pay enough attention." The king-in-exile seemed truly contrite and Dis relented allowing him to continue.

"They came to the tavern looking for Kίli last night."

Dis paled as she clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle a gasp.

"Dwalin arrested them. They were tried and executed." Thorin relaxed once the words were out.

The princess nodded her eyes wide as she processed the information. "And you didn't think to come and get me?" Her eyes flashed fury.

"You were busy..."

"Not so busy I wouldn't have been there for my sons...if I had but known." Dis waved her hand to silence her brother knowing it was not worth fighting over this point. She pinned her brother with the icy blue Durin stare. "And Kίli?" Her voice was flat.

"I will not lie and tell you it was pleasant for him; but Fίli was there with him. He conducted himself well. You would have been proud of him," Thorin assured her. "And now that he has seen them executed, I expect we can put this whole incident behind us and move forward."

Dis shook her head knowing that her youngest son's ordeal was not over. "O, Thorin, you can't really believe that. Have you been able to put Frerin's death behind you yet?"

Perhaps it was the wrong thing to say. Thorin was always touchy about his brother's death and the guilt he felt even though it had not been his fault.

The prince slammed his fist against the table. "That's not the same. How dare you compare our brother's death to what happened to Kίli. Justice has been meted out. It is over and Kίli needs to grow up and move on like the rest of us."

Thorin rose from his seat nearly knocking it over and then stomped across the house yanking the door open and leaving. The entire structure shook as the door slammed closed.

Dis closed her eyes as she ran her hands over her face. She knew better than to provoke her brother when she was trying to make him see reason. And yet, therein lie the problem. Thorin Oakenshield did not deal with his own feelings; rather he shut them away, never acknowledging them. He just hid behind his sullen scowl and plowed ahead thinking that was how an heir of Durin was supposed to act. Unfortunately he felt that dictum applied to the entire line of Durin, his sister-sons included.

The princess knew that to her brother, Frerin's death was still a gaping wound. One he had never faced and never come to terms with; and that loss was what had seemingly turned his heart cold. If his love for his brother was responsible for such agony at his death, then Thorin would guard his heart, not admitting to himself, or to others, that he loved.

The princess knew her youngest would never meet that standard. Kίli was far too sensitive for that, too open to hide his true feelings, too vibrant to be encumbered by so many suppressed emotions. She also feared that contrary to her brother's assertion, the incident was far from over for her raven-haired son.

As she rose to clear the dishes, Dis wondered where her sons might be. She knew they were gone, had seen the empty room that morning realizing that only Kίli's bed had been used overnight.

As if on cue, the door opened and her two sons stepped inside.

"Mum," they cried as one, both hurrying across the room to wrap arms around her.

Dis smiled returning their hug. "Sorry I was gone so long yesterday."

Pulling away from each other, Kίli handed her a small pouch, "Your spice, as requested." He smiled.

Quickly she peeked inside inspecting the proffered goods. As Dis opened her mouth, she was cut off by a whine of protest.

"Don't say it," Kίli interjected. "There wasn't any choice but that."

"I was just going to thank you. The spice is quite adequate; but since you are such a rude imp, I'll not mention it." She whacked him playfully on the arm.

Kίli ducked his head, cheeks going red, as he murmured a hasty, "Sorry."

"So I take that you two spent the morning at the caravan."

"Aye, we did," Fίli chimed in.

"Because you didn't get to go yesterday?" Dis asked not realizing how her simple question would impact her youngest son.

Before Fίli could answer, Kίli turned abruptly and headed from the room.

"Kίli?" Dis called. She started to follow her youngest son.

Fίli put a hand on her arm. "Thorin told you."

"Yes, and I did not think my question would upset your brother like that," Dis confided.

"Thorin thinks Kίli should be fully healed now, that executing those men would be justice enough for him." Fίli's voice was pained as he continued. "That all the issues Kee has been dealing with should just disappear."

"So he said," Dis's tone did nothing to mask her disgust with her brother. She patted her older son's arm then turned to go after her younger.

Dis knocked even as she opened the door and entered. The prince was seated on his bed, back to the door.

"Kίli?" She crossed the room placing a hand on his shoulder. Despite the light touch, he tensed.

"Thorin told me what happened yesterday. I'm so sorry." She sat down beside her son. "I wish I had been here for you...You know you could have come to me."

"'M fine," he lied, hands curling into fists.

"O, Kίli, my little raven, why do you even try to lie?" A smile ghosted her lips.

"So you will leave me alone." His voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"You know I'll not leave you to brood." Dis dropped her hand to his back, slowly rubbing in circles. "It's not good for you. You can't just lock away all your feelings and hope they'll go away. All that will do is make you like Thorin, hard and cynical."

"But I'm supposed to be strong and go on like nothing happened."

"Oh, Kίli, no."

"That's what uncle thinks."

"And he's wrong. That may be his way of dealing with things, but that doesn't make it right. Or healthy." She reached out to stroke his hair. "You are not Thorin, nor should you try to be. You are Kίli, and you're far too sensitive to hold things in...Now, talk to me."

After a pause and deep hitching breath, Kίli spoke.

"I thought it was over...then those Men were back...and I was so scared...they would..." Kίli shook his head unable to say the words. "Knew I had to be strong,...not panic. When I got away, I waited...'til I was back on the road before I ran...I tried to tell Fίli and Uncle... but they were too busy." His voice was beginning to crack as his fingers twisted in his trouser leg.

"I went to Bofur and Bifur until Fίli came...Later Thorin held a trial. I had to tell...what they did and then...ask for the sentence...We went into the woods and...they executed them." Kίli dropped his head into his hands as his mother continued to rub his back.

"Aye, that was what they deserved under Khazad law," Dis soothed.

"But it doesn't...just end there," The words were hoarse and anguished as Kίli carded his fingers through his hair. "Uncle thinks it should...but it doesn't...It won't stop the memories...and the dreams...and the fear." He sighed taking a ragged breath as he fought back the tears.

"Now when they say...that...I'm too tall...too skinny ...small nose...archer...elf-spawn, they'll add...defiled, disgraced...unworthy..." Here Kίli's voice failed as he lost the battle with his emotions and tears ran down his cheeks.

Dis bit back her anger at those who had taunted her son's differences. Too many times in the past he had heard those supposed faults thrown at him; but these last words were new. She hoped they had come from her son's fertile imagination and not someone's actual insensitivity.

"No, Kίli, no one outside our family knows. Thorin has done his best to keep what happened secret, to protect you from wagging tongues." Dis wrapped her arms around her son wishing there were some other way she could reassure him besides mere words.

"They were at Bombur's tavern...last night...asking for me. How long will it take...to figure it out? Everyone knows...something happened to me...on that trip. And you know h-how much Dwarrow l-like rumors."

Dis changed positions so that she was now facing her son. "Listen to me. You are a Prince of Durin, and no matter what they say about you, you know the truth. And you are strong. Stronger than what happened and stronger than their words." Her words were firm and determined.

Kίli raised his head, his anguished brown eyes meeting his mother's blue. "It's not just about what they think," he cried. "It's what I know about myself...and what Uncle thinks."

Dis remained calm reaching out to grab his hands. "And just what is it that you know and Thorin thinks?"

He looked away no longer willing to meet his mother's gaze. Dark locks fell forward obscuring his face as Kίli dropped his head again.

"That I'm...tainted...I don't deserve...to be a...prince of Durin anymore."

The words were halting and full of pain, and Dis felt her heart breaking over her baby's anguish. She cupped his face in her hands and raised it so she could see him again.

"That is not true, nidoyithua. The blood of Durin runs through your veins regardless of what happens to your body. And these words you use hold no meaning for the ones who love you." Dis wiped away tears with her thumbs. "You are still mi ghivash, little raven, nothing will ever change that. You must stop thinking of yourself as,...what did you say?...Tainted, defiled. You must find the courage inside yourself to rise above the circumstances". Dis searched the deep brown eyes now red-rimmed from crying. "Can you do that?"

Kίli swallowed then took a hitching breath. He shook his head. "Don't know."

"Yes, you do. But you have to do it for yourself, no one can do it for you."

"But...no dwarrowlass...will ever..." Kίli did not need to finish for his mother to understand where this was heading.

"Shhh," Dis placed fingers over her son's lips. "No more of that. If some lass doesn't want you, then she's not good enough for you." Dis leaned in to place her forehead against his. After a moment, she drew back and smiled, "Dry your tears and come back to the kitchen. Fίli probably wonders what happened to us."

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**A/N: **Namadith- little sister

Nidoyithua- my baby boy

Mi Ghivash- my treasure

Many thanks to all who are still following, reading and reviewing. Keep reviewing- they're very helpful and, a lot of the times, fun. We are nearing the end with four more chapters to go.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Thorin Speaks

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**A/N:** To Isky- Thorin should definitely understand that. Yeah, amazing how many times someone needs to save him from himself. And yes, Fili does have a clue now.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, do't profit.

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Thorin regretted snapping at his sister and storming out of the house; but she had been wrong to compare Frerin's death at Azog's hand to Kίli's humiliation at the hand of Men. He felt himself responsible for his brother's death and while he hated what had happened to his youngest sister-son, he did not consider the trauma to be the same. Kίli had is whole life before him; Frerin died long before his time. Still he needed to apologize to Dis.

His first stop that day was at the toymakers' shop where he spoke with Bofur soliciting the dwarf's help in dealing with the caravan master. Thorin promised to post Ered Luin dwarves with the tents and wagons until they were able to hire more guards and move on. Bofur indicated that he knew of a number of dwarrow willing to sign on as caravan guards and offered to negotiate between the merchants and the dwarves.

Thorin left the shop feeling better knowing that the floppy-hatted ex-miner would handle the problem adequately. Next he met with Dwalin in the forge to discuss assigning some of the watch to guard the caravan. The large dwarf nodded his understanding and vowed to see it done.

"How is Kίli?" Dwalin broached.

Thorin wiped a palm across his face. "Not sure. He tries to hide his feelings from me. Thinks he has to be strong because he's a prince of Durin. But really he has been avenged so that should be the end of it all."

Balin had heard the words and walked over to join the two.

"Now, Thorin, you know how sensitive your nephew is; and he's had to deal with many things these last months." He clapped a hand to his leader's arm. "I'd give him time yet, he's been in a bad place most of the winter."

"He has had months to deal with what happened. It is time he put it behind him. And I am giving him time. Otherwise I would have had the boys sign on as the new caravan guards. They've done it before. It's good experience and pays well enough."

The white-haired dwarf shook his head slowly. "I hope y'er right, laddie. I'd like to see him not hurt anymore." He turned heading back to his work.

Dwalin did not speak again, but his look said that he shared his brother's thoughts.

To his credit Thorin spent the rest of the day contemplating what had befallen his sister-son and trying to grasp how it had affected him. Apparently there was a difference of opinion between himself and the rest of his family because he thought the matter should now be closed while the others did not.

After much consideration, the king-in-exile determined the differences lay in their personalities. He had been reared with the ever-present duty and responsibility as heir to the Throne of Erebor, taught to subjugate his own desires and emotions for the good of his people and his kingdom. To Thorin the way of dealing with your emotions was to shunt them away, to carry on for the people. After Azanulbizar that was exactly what he had done- no time for mourning the deaths of his grandfather and brother properly. When Thrain failed to assume responsibility, that job fell to Thorin; he had to be strong and lead the Dwarrow away from that stunning defeat. Perhaps his sister had been right when she said he had been born older; some of his oldest memories revolved around his responsibility.

Kίli, on the other hand, had not been forced to shoulder such a burden at an early age. Since Fίli was the heir, he bore that responsibility while Kίli had more freedom and less discipline. His infectious smile and boisterous personality coupled with his innocence had allowed him to get away with more things than Thorin had ever dreamed of as a dwarfling. And Kίli's unabashed willingness to pout combined with his overly large brown puppy eyes had saved him more than once from the well-deserved circumstances of his actions.

It was these thoughts that prompted Thorin to conclude that his nephew's inability to put the unfortunate incident behind him resulted directly from the fact that he had been coddled all his life, sheltered, and rarely forced to face the startling realities of the larger world. After all, Thorin, himself, had been but twenty-four when the dragon had taken the mountain forcing the Erebor dwarves on the road and had fought at Azanulbizar at age fifty-three. Kίli was seventy and had never had to deal with such mind-numbing events while maintaining the unruffled facade of a prince.

So it was that Thorin decided his plan for dealing with his nephew that evening. He did not expect it to be a very comfortable discussion knowing that both his sister and his heir would likely take issue with some of the things he said. However, he determined that they would meet together as a family...And Kίli would not be allowed to run away from the uncomfortable subject.

Dinner that evening was quiet and the tension palpable. Both Dis and Fίli knew Thorin planned to talk with Kίli, and that Kίli was not ready to live up to his uncle's rigid expectations. What made the situation worse was that Thorin had explained that he wanted everyone present for the conversation and that he expected them to keep Kίli focused and calm. The king-in-exile did not want a repeat of the fight they had had with an earlier "discussion".

As the boys finished doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, Kίli was hopeful that he would be able to slip away before Thorin could bring up the subject for discussion. He turned to his mother who was making tea, kissed her on the cheek with a quiet, "'Nite, Mum," then walked towards the hallway. He prayed to Mahal that his uncle would not call him back.

Just as his foot came down in the hall, he heard Thorin speak.

"Kίli?"

The youngest Durin paused, not wanting to answer, yet knowing he had no real choice.

"Sir?" He made no move to turn and face his elder.

"A word with you?" Thorin's voice was calm but commanding.

Reluctantly Kίli turned and walked back to the sitting room, chewing his lower lip.

Thorin was seated in his arm chair before the fireplace while Fίli and his mother had taken positions on the sofa leaving the middle spot empty for him. They planned to provide support and to act as a buffer, Dis having determined she would not allow Thorin to badger her son. His brother motioned for him to sit between them and as he settled, his mother passed him a cup of tea.

"Yes, Uncle?" The faintest quiver crept into his voice; and Fίli squeezed his brother's arm in support.

"I would like to speak to you about the events of yesterday." Thorin stared at his nephew their eyes meeting briefly before Kίli dropped his gaze to his lap and sipped his tea to keep from answering.

"The Men who assaulted you have been tried and executed according to Khazad law. You have been avenged and the incident should be closed." The elder Durin paused waiting for a response; but when his nephew remained silent, he continued. "Your mother and brother inform me, however, that that is not the case, that you are not ready to let this go."

Kίli sat, head bowed, hair blocking his face, as he gave a brief shake of his head.

"Can you tell me why?"

The young Dwarf took a gulp of tea this time, having recognized the chamomile, and hoping for it to calm his nerves. He knew Thorin would rake open the old, as yet unhealed, wounds pushing relentlessly until they broke spilling out the agony inside of him once again.

"'S not my choice," Kίli mumbled.

"Then whose choice is it?" Thorin barked.

Kίli winced at the sharp words, shaking his head as he took several deep breaths.

"Just because t-they're dead d-doesn't mean w-what they did goes a-away...'ll never g-go away." Kίli downed more of his tea and Dis took the cup from his shaking hands.

"No, not on it's own, it won't." Thorin's words were matter-of-fact, not accusing as was his usual style. "The horrible act you suffered will always remain a part of who you are; but how you deal with it is your choice. And that choice will determine your future. "

Thorin rose and crossed to stand before his nephew before kneeling. He reached out to place fingers under Kίli's chin. "Look at me."

Slowly Kίli raised his eyes to meet his uncle's blue ones; the deep brown glistened with unshed tears. A ghost of a smile wafted across Thorin's face as he continued.

"You can choose to remain banarȃl,...broken and wounded." He paused watching Kίli's eyes grow wider. "Or you can decide to move on." Thorin ran a finger across the scar on his nephew's forehead. "The physical scars are long healed; but the wounds in your mind remain deep and raw."

As Thorin's words pierced through every facade Kίli had erected, he could no longer hold back the tears that welled over and spilled down his cheeks. Thorin reached out to cup his hand around the back of his sister-son's head caressing the dark locks.

"I would..." he paused as if reconsidering his words, "We would help you, little one, if you would tell us how. What still haunts you so?"

Kίli dropped his head to his hands as his shoulders shook. It was apparent he was crying and yet this was a far different from his usual panicked hysteria. Dis rubbed circles on his back while Fίli gripped his shoulder in support.

Kίli never expected his uncle to be this intuitive and calm. He was far more used to the exiled king who fumed and raged in his authority. Kίli knew Thorin loved him; but as his mother often said, his uncle wanted the boys to grow up as strong, true Heirs of Durin. That was why he was stern and much more prone to criticize than praise. It was also one of the reasons the younger prince so desperately wanted his uncle's approval.

Kίli was not even sure how to respond to this new Thorin. Was he still supposed to be the strong warrior who took everything in stride never allowing his emotions to break through, like a typical dwarf? Or could he confide his deepest fears to his family without proving to Thorin just how weak and useless he truly was?

When the dark-haired Dwarf finally raised his head from his hands, his eyes were rimmed in red. He reached up to place a hand atop Fίli's hand on his shoulder grateful for the support.

Kίli closed his eyes before responding.

"I-I can't help but r-remember what t-they d-did to me. The p-pain, the humiliation, the..." his voice broke here as tears once more fell down his cheeks. "I f-f-feel violated, d-defiled...Should have been a-able to fight t-them off, b-but they t-threatened Fίli. I couldn't l-let them h-hurt him."

"Oh, Kίli, it's all right. No one blames you for what happened," Dis soothed.

The prince nodded then looked up to meet his uncle's gaze. "Thought you would be d-d-disgusted with me...H-humiliated, not w-worthy of D-Durin's line."

Thorin, torn by the pain of Kίli's admission, sat on the floor then pulled his nephew into his arms.

"Never, little one. I am so proud of you. You were strong and brave; and yesterday you faced your attackers like a true son of Durin."

Kίli laid his head against his uncle's shoulder, relishing the acceptance and praise.

"I s-still feel so f-filthy,...and when he t-touched me yesterday..." Kίli drew a ragged breath as the memories crowded around his thoughts. "I felt d-dirty again, like I'll n-never be clean,...like it's w-written on my face a-and everyone k-knows." He twisted his fingers into his uncle's tunic as his whole body shook.

Thorin wrapped his arms around the trembling Dwarf and held him tight.

"None outside your family and cousins know, except Bofur- and we needed his help. He will not divulge your secret. Do not fear what others may say when all who matter know the truth." He reached up to wipe away a tear from his nephew's cheek.

"Kίli, you are a strong Prince of Durin. Do not let what happened take that from you."

Every word that Thorin had spoken made sense, and yet, the young Dwarf could not accept that they applied to him. Kίli wanted to believe the words more than anything; but he could not grasp them as true when his mind kept shouting, "Violated,...defiled, ...ruined,...unworthy."

"Can you do that, my sister-son?" Thorin asked.

"D-don't k-know?" Kίli stammered, not certain that he could overcome the words that seemed to undermine his every thought.

For several moments no one moved, the silence broken only by Kίli's snuffling as he tried to reign in his tears.

"Uncle, I c-can't," the young Dwarf cried his voice pained at one more perceived failure before his kin. "I-I can't s-stop the feelings. I'm s-sorry."

Thorin felt his nephew shaking in his arms and realized that Kίli was near the point of breaking. Things had been going so well, he did not want this to dissolve into either a panic attack or an attempt to escape the situation.

"Shhh, little Kίli, it's all right." As Thorin stroked the raven hair, he felt Kίli go rigid in his grasp before jerking away and scrambling backwards to the sofa.

Almost simultaneously the room exploded in sound as three dwarves spoke at once.

"Uncle don't..." Fίli tried to get the elder dwarf's attention.

"Kίli!" Dis cried out dropping down beside her now distraught son and wrapping her arm around his shoulder.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Kίli screamed, pulling away from his uncle as memories of Brogen's taunting voice echoed through his mind. It felt as if a something was squeezing his chest; he could not draw air into his lungs even though he was breathing faster. His heart pounded, each beat a roaring in his ears. He had to get away; and yet he was hemmed in by his family with no way to escape. He pulled his legs up to his chest wrapping his arms around them and dropping his forehead on his knees.

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**A/N:** banarȃl – victim of rape

Every time things seem to be going right somehow it just skews off course. Poor Kίli.

Off to Dallas Fan Expo (previously Dallas ComicCon) so the next update won't be till Monday. This also means I won't be answering your reviews until then either. If you happen to be at the con, I'll be a very short 10th Doctor Friday nite and Liv Moore from IZombie on Saturday.

Thanks all for reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing. Love hearing from you guys.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Thorin Dreams

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**A/N:** I'm so sorry for this chapter. It was not in the original story. Blame it all on firefoxxe's request and prompt.

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**Warning:** canon minor character deaths, war violence, rape/non-con. This does include a dream sequence so expect some freaky things. If you're squeamish about this sort of thing, just skip it, it doesn't change the rest of the story.

**Disclaimer:** JRRT and Sir Peter own this world. I only play in it, gratefully, and receive no recompense save your generous reviews.

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Thorin rubbed his hands over his face. When had everything become so difficult? The discussion with Kίli had been going well, his sister-son actually opening up about his feelings instead of trying to pretend that all was fine. He had not tried to avoid the talk nor fled when the discussion became painful.

The elder Durin had tried very hard to control his tone and words, to listen without judging, to be accepting; and things had been going well. Then without warning everything just exploded. One thing. He had said one thing- something he had called his nephew so many times in the past, 'little Kίli.' How was he supposed to know that the wretch Brogen had used the same pet name for his sister-son?

The king-in-exile shook his head. This was all getting to be too much for him. He was trying to understand how his nephew felt, trying to be reasonable; and yet, wishing Kίli could just move on. It was rudely apparent now that that would not be happening.

He looked around the empty living room. Fίli had taken his brother to their room trying to quiet his anguish while Dis had stayed with him for a while. They had discussed Kίli's current state and mood swings without reaching any plans of how better to deal with the young dwarf. Finally Dis, too, had retired for the evening, leaving Thorin to his thoughts.

With a sigh the dour dwarf rose heading for his own room and whatever rest he might glean tonight. As he lay seeking sleep, Thorin's mind replayed his nephew's words: defiled,...unworthy...ruined...violated...filthy.

_The world around him was gray, so gray, in fact that he could barely tell where land met sky. The only way to distinguish hills and ridges in the terrain was through lighter versus darker shades of the implacable gray. Whatever colors surrounded him were muted and barely discernable save for three vivid ones: red, black, and Durin blue._

_The scene before him was dotted with patches of writhing red and black that Thorin recognized as blood as he heard the sounds of battle, but, they, too were obscured much as if he had received a head blow leaving his ears ringing without specific sounds._

_Thorin stood on a battlefield surrounded by dwarrow and orcs, his own sword black with their blood. Next to him was Dwalin his shieldmate and friend roaring out his fury as he attacked the seemingly endless horde. Thorin blinked rapidly trying to bring his surroundings into sharper focus only to see a giant mace hurtling towards his head. Instinct and muscle memory took over for rational thought as Thorin stepped sideways and backwards leaning away from the weapon that missed him by the barest margin as he plunged his own sword into the ugly goblin's chest._

_Azanulbizar- Thorin recognized the battlefield quickly looking around for his father, grandfather, and brother. There only meters in front of him on a small rise he saw the biggest orc he'd ever seen, Azog the defiler. The pale unnatural gray of the orc's skin blended into the background so much that what Thorin noticed most was the multiple white scars marking the body and the soulless icy blue eyes._

_The orc was engaged with Thror, the bold Durin blue striking against the monochromatic background. Thorin yelled a battle cry rushing to aid his grandfather only to have his arm grabbed by his father. Thrain knew neither of them could save Thror at this point and did not wish to needlessly waste any more Durin blood. They would meet this orc again on the field._

_Time stopped as Thorin froze staring in disbelief as he watched the defiler's blade cleave Thror's head from his shoulders. Then Azog bent down to grip Thror's head and heft it by the hair. He threw his head back and laughed a maniacal, twisted sound without mirth, as he flung the head directly towards the young prince. The improvised projectile landed in front of Thorin rolling to a stop at his feet with dead eyes staring up to pierce the prince's soul. Then the mouth opened with a hideous grin._

_"So shall all the line of Durin fall, piteous scum before the supreme Azog." The head croaked out it's dire warning._

_Then Thorin was falling as all around him turned to red. He cried out to his friend for help._

_"Dwalin!"_

_But when the tall dwarf turned to face him, Thorin saw not the mohawk and dark eyes of his shieldbrother, but the bald head and pale blue eyes of Azog superimposed on the face of his friend. Dwalin advanced on him, snarling with axe raised, and just as he began the downward swing, Thorin's world turned black._

_When he opened his eyes Thorin was once again in the battle but now standing in a low spot beneath an outcrop of stone. He blinked to clear the fog from his eyes._

_"Thorin!" He recognized that voice. The call brought the prince's head whipping around to see the defiler standing on the outcrop holding a dwarf by the neck. All color drained from Thorin's face as he recognized who Azog held- his baby brother Frerin. Thorin shook his head trying to make the scene disappear to no avail._

_"Another worthless Durin whelp," Azog taunted shaking Frerin's body. "Is your line so weak, it sends dwarflings to fight?" The orc used Black Speech but somehow Thorin understood each horrid word._

_Frerin looked piteous. His face was covered in blood, a slash bisecting one eye. His right arm hung at an odd angle, the shoulder definitely dislocated, the lower arm broken so that his hand twisted backwards. Red covered his chest and abdomen, but Thorin was unable to discern just where the wounds were._

_Thorin's head whipped around looking for access to the outcrop but the wall was a sheer face of smooth rock._

_"Leave him alone," Thorin thundered. "Fight me."_

_Azog laughed. "No, little prince, there is no fight left here. Let me show you all that this whelp is good for."_

_Frerin squirmed in the pale orc's grip as Azog dropped his sword to the ground freeing his hand to reach up and rip the trousers from the struggling prince then drop his body to the ground._

_Frerin cried out as his battered body hit the stone. His fingers scrabbled reaching for purchase to crawl away from the orc; but Azog brought his foot down on the young prince's leg eliciting a scream as sturdy dwarrow bones broke under the brute force of the large orc._

_Azog dropped to his knees behind the young dwarf, moving his skull codpiece aside to reveal his massive member. Reaching out he gripped Frerin's hips lifting them up and pulling him back._

_Thorin could not believe his eyes. Not Frerin. Not his baby brother. Not this...this monster. "No, no, no, no, no!"_

_At first contact, Frerin's scream split the air driving daggers through Thorin's heart. Try as he might, the heir of Erebor could not drag his eyes away from the horrible sight before him. As the pale orc continued his violation of the younger dwarf prince, Frerin's screams of anguish rang out over the field until Azog was sated._

_Azog threw his head back and barked another laugh, "This is what I will do to the entire line of Durin until you are no more."_

_The pale orc rose from the stone gripping Frerin by arm and leg and then pitched his broken body off the outcrop onto the field in front of his brother._

Thorin woke with a start, sitting upright in bed. Sweat dripped from his face and his breaths came in shallow ragged gasps much quicker than normal. As he raised his hands to wipe sweat from his face he realized they were shaking. He turned them over in front of his face willing them to still. He felt his gut twist at his mind raced back over his nightmare.

He did not know why he had dreamed what he did. Frerin had not died that way, had never suffered that ultimate violation at Azog's hands. Remembering his brother's actual death was bad enough, but this...this fragment of delirium was pure agony.

He levered himself up from the bed knowing he would not sleep again tonight, and not wanting to even if he could since he feared returning to the same horror. He made his way back to the living room to settle into his chair.

Slowly Thorin came to the realization that perhaps everything around the assault against Kίli had affected him more than he realized, or maybe his mind was just berating him for not taking his sister-son's distress as seriously as he should have.

He scrubbed his hands over his eyes replaying in his mind the months since Fίli had come home with an unconscious Kίli- the injuries, the personality changes, the outbreaks, the breakdowns, the nightmares. He had done what he needed to do as king-in-exile, but apparently not as Kίli's uncle.

In light of his recent nightmare Thorin needed to rethink his approach towards his nephew and his expectations. He had to find some way to make things right for his sister-son, for his whole family.

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**A/N:** I may blame this chapter on firefoxxe, but actually it was really easy to write almost flying off the keyboard. Actually this is the fourth chapter that was added based on comments in the reviews and I want to thank you guys for helping me to make this story better. That's why the chapter count has now burgeoned to 32 from the originally promised 28. Hope you're not too disappointed in having extra chapters to read ;D. And keep those reviews coming in; I can't promise even more new chapters for this story, but there always future stories...


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Cleansing

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**A/N:** Sorry, this was supposed to be posted earlier, but when I was reviewing it, I just had to add another section- for you Fili fans out there. So I shouldn't be in too much trouble ;).

**Disclaimer:** Nothing's changed- I still don't own or profit from anything Middle Earth.

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The vivid nightmare had affected Thorin far more than he realized. The longer he thought about it, the better he understood the trauma his sister-sons had endured. It was not just Kίli, but Fίli also. Everyone had been so focused on what happened to Kίli almost to the exclusion of what Fίli had suffered.

The golden prince had seemed to handle things so well, his main concern having been for his brother that they had not really considered how he had been affected by the incident. Now, however, Thorin grasped how devastating it must have been for Fίli to watch his brother's assault, especially knowing that Kίli had given in to the demands to save Fίli's life. Likewise, the overwhelming guilt he had felt over not being able to protect Frerin was probably the same as the guilt Fίli felt as the older brother. That guilt had almost destroyed Thorin at the time, and yet, Fίli had dealt with everything on his own, including his brother's accusations over withholding the truth from him. Another issue the king-in-exile needed to deal with.

Not long after the night of Thorin's dream, he sat in his chair after dinner. Kίli had gone to bathe and Dis was outside in the fading daylight pruning plants. Fίli sat quietly on the couch reading. Thorin cleared his throat causing the golden prince to look up.

"Fίli, a word."

"Yes, uncle." Fίli closed his book setting it aside.

"It seems I owe you an apology."

The prince's brow creased; he was at a loss to understand.

"Last fall, when you brought Kίli home, all of our concern focused on your brother; I, and I fear others, did not consider the trauma you, too had suffered at the hands of those ruffians."

"It's not important..." Fίli started only to be cut off.

"Yes, it is important. You were attacked, knocked unconscious, cut, tied to a tree and forced to watch your brother being assaulted. Once you came home you never discussed how you felt, how you were affected. For you it was always about Kίli...I understand guilt over being unable to save your brother, of seeing terrible things done to your kin. I should not have forgotten how it felt."

Fίli squirmed at his uncle's openness. It was true he had not talked about his feelings over the incident, had dealt with his guilt on his own, not wanting to admit any weakness. He had thrown all his energy and concern into making sure Kίli healed, and yet that had not been enough.

Thorin rose and crossed the room to stand before his nephew. Fίli stood then, too.

"Will you forgive my thoughtlessness, my sister-son?" Thorin asked in all sincerity.

Fίli gaped at the request, then recovered enough to answer, "There is naught to forgive, uncle."

Thorin placed his hands on his heir's shoulders and pulled him forward until their foreheads touched. "You make me proud. If there is anything I can do to help you put this incident behind you, tell me."

Fίli closed his eyes relishing the moment with his uncle before he spoke in a quivering voice, "Find something to heal Kίli."

Thorin inhaled as he drew back nodding, "I am trying."

At a loss for what to do about his youngest sister-son, Thorin had consulted Balin and Dwalin for any possible solutions they had. Óin's suggestions had already been exhausted without success. Finally after some research, Balin had stumbled across an old cleansing and renewal ceremony which seemed to hold promise.

After discussing it with the extended family, Thorin had approached his youngest sister-son with the ritual, and Kίli agreed to it. So it was that Thorin stood before his three immediate family members, now king, albeit in exile, rather than uncle or brother. Kίli stood directly in front of the tall Dwarf with his mother and brother flanking him.

In his somber, official voice Thorin began by addressing his youngest sister-son.

"Kίli, son of Vili, son of Vari, I understand that, as a result of actions not your own, you feel dirty, defiled, and unworthy to be called a son of Durin. Is this correct?"

The import of the words Thorin spoke was not lost to any. Naming Kίli's lineage through his father acknowledged no royal tie to the line of Durin.

The young Dwarf stood with head bowed not wanting to meet his senior's eyes, his hands fisted at his sides. With a minimal nod of his head, he softly replied, "Aye."

"And that you wish to undergo the Ritual of Cleansing?"

"Aye."

"And you bring witnesses to attest to your worthiness and right to be called a prince of Durin?"

"Aye," again barely audible.

"Who be these witnesses?"

"I, Dis, daughter of Thrain, son of Thror, King under the Mountain, widow of Vili, and mother of Kίli, attest to my son's right to be called a prince of Durin through his lineage." As she spoke, the princess squeezed her son's arm in support.

"And I, Fίli, son of Dis, daughter of Thrain, son of Thror, King under the Mountain, sister-son and heir to Thorin Oakenshield, and brother to Kίli, attest to his right to be called an heir of Durin through his prowess as a warrior, his honor above reproach, and his loyal heart that does not fail." Despite the gravity of his recitation, Fίli could not suppress a small smile.

After months of watching his baby brother suffer through nightmares, panic attacks, and episodes of self-loathing, Fίli hoped that this ceremony would bring some closure to the devastating assault Kίli had suffered. No amount of explanation or reassurance had been able to convince the youngest Durin that he was truly accepted and loved, that he was considered neither marred nor defiled.

It was fact that the entire family missed the smiling prankster that had been replaced by a timid, jumpy, and unpredictable shadow of the former Kίli. While it might have been a much quieter winter in the small Ered Luin village, most agreed they would have preferred the practical jokes and roguishness of the youngest heir.

"I have heard your responses," Thorin's voice rang out once again, "and accept these to be adequate proofs of Kίli's worthiness.

"Having heard the proof from your supporters, for the second time is it still your wish, Kίli, to continue with this cleansing?"

The raven-haired Dwarf raised his head, brown eyes meeting the blue of his uncle's. This time there was no soft, barely heard answer, but a strong affirmation.

"Aye."

"As you have spoken, so shall it be." Thorin intoned. "The ceremony shall commence in the forge at half a candlemark to midnight. Bring all those who stand with you and speak for you. Go now and prepare."

Ending the ritual, Thorin stepped forward to embrace his nephew.

"Kίli," he smiled, "I couldn't be more proud of you."

Those were the words Kίli always longed to hear; and yet today he could not bask in that praise for others things weighed so heavily on his mind.

"Uncle," Kίli's voice once again wavered as his fears loomed, "what if it doesn't help?" He so desperately wanted the nightmares to end, to quit wondering if he would see the mens' faces around the next corner, despite the fact that he had seen them executed. He longed for his nightmares to be about wargs, stone giants, and goblins under his bed again like when he was a little dwarfling instead of the rough hands and cruel laughter coupled with his own screams.

Thorin stepped back placing his hands on his nephew's shoulders before answering.

"When something like this happens, you have but three choices: you let it define you, destroy you, or strengthen you. What we do today and tonight are symbolic actions; the true work falls on your shoulders. You must listen to what is said and believe it, for only you can change your mind. We have all tried to tell you that we don't see you the same way you see yourself. Tonight we put actions to our words, but you must accept them."

The exiled king could not lie. There was no magic to the ritual. It was merely an affirmation of the individual's worth, and if that Dwarf chose not to believe, then there would be no cleansing, no change, no relief.

After studying his nephew's face for a moment, Thorin drew their foreheads together, smiling. And when Kίli responded with a smile of his own, Thorin relaxed praying to Mahal that this would all work out.

While uncle and nephew were thus engaged, Dis looked to her other son and nodded.

As Thorin and Kίli broke apart, Fίli reached out for his brother's arm. "Come on, nadadith, let's get ready." He turned leading them back to their room.

The Ceremony of Cleansing consisted of three parts. The first was the request with witnesses that had just taken place. The middle part was a head to foot bath symbolic of the outer, physical cleansing. Finally there was the forge ceremony where the old was burned and the new proclaimed signifying the inner, spiritual purification.

A candlemark before dusk, Thorin, Fίli, and Kίli left the cottage headed for the river. While it was spring, the mountain temperature could not be called warm and the water would have a distinct chill. The two older Dwarrow stripped down to their undertunics and trousers while the youngest removed all his clothes before the three waded into the water.

Thorin grunted and the younger two gasped as the river, swelled with snow run-off, slapped against their bodies. Despite the dwarves' resistance to cold, they needed to be thorough, but quick, before any of them, especially Kίli became hypothermic. The two older Dwarves scooped handfuls of sand from a basket Fίli carried and proceeded to wash Kίli allowing the sand to abrade away the top layers of dead skin. For the final step they washed the raven hair.

By the time they climbed back up the bank, Kίli was shivering, his skin red and in a few places raw from the sand. They quickly dried off and redressed throwing furs over themselves for extra warmth. Only Kίli did not put back on his original clothing; instead he donned a long white tunic reaching to his ankles. Then they turned and hastily made their way back home.

As they opened the cottage door they were hit with a wave of warm air where Dis had stoked the fire high anticipating their return. The three of them made their way to stand in front of the hearth as Dis passed each of them a steaming mug of tea.

When Thorin and Fίli had warmed themselves, they went to their respective rooms to dress for the final part of the ceremony, leaving Kίli in the sitting room with his mother. Dis sat her youngest before the fire and began combing the tangles from his raven locks.

Kίli had not spoken and Dis did not wish to intrude upon his thoughts. Although as he finally stopped shivering, she wondered if he had truly realized how uncomfortable the cleansing ceremony would be for him. As she gently worked knots out of his hair, the princess could not fathom the pain that drove him to such a decision; and it broke her heart to see one of her sons in such inner turmoil.

Kίli disliked braids and rarely wore them. He preferred his hair down only permitting the front pieces to be bound back with a clasp. Today his mother insisted on braiding a section of hair at the back of his head. He did not understand why she was so adamant since the braid was small and all but hidden by the rest of his hair. She also did not put the clasp back in place.

By the time she had finished with the youngest's hair, her elder son and brother returned to the room dressed in their Durin ceremonial clothes. Dis smiled at them as she left to get ready herself. She admired them so when they were decked out in their "royal" clothes; not that these trappings would be considered much more than shabby dress in any other Dwarf kingdom. Here in Ered Luin, the exiled royal family had to make do as best they could; and Dis allowed herself one brief moment of tears as she remembered the splendor of her lost Erebor. But she quickly wiped her eyes knowing she could not afford to live in the past for she was a princess of Durin's line and that meant she had to be strong for her family and her people, and most especially tonight, for her son.

When Dis returned she, too, wore the rich Durin blue shot with silver thread. Her hair was braided in an elaborate style, much different from her usual appearance, and a small fillet crown graced her brow. King in exile, princess, and prince looked every bit the royalty they were even despite the lack of jewels and fancy clothing. On her arm she carried a basket with items needed for the next ceremony.

A candlemark before midnight Balin and Dwalin arrived at the cottage to act as escorts. They, too, were dressed in their ceremonial best.

Before leaving Thorin queried his nephew again. "For the third time I ask, do you wish to continue with this ceremony?"

Kili looked around at those standing with him. "Aye, I do."

Thorin nodded and they proceeded. Even though the hour was getting late, they all wrapped cloaks or blankets around themselves to shield their finery from prying eyes and to maintain the privacy of what they were doing.

No one spoke as they small party made it's way to the forge. Once inside they laid aside coats and blankets before moving into the work area proper where a fire, fanned by Gloin on the bellows, already blazed. Two other Dwarrow, Oin and Bofur, turned to greet the others. Then everyone's attention turned to Thorin.

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**A/N:** See Thorin does have a heart. He just has to keep his head out of his tail long enough to use it, though. The rest of the ceremony's in the next chapter.

Once again a big THANKS! to everyone reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing. Let me know what you thought about this one.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

At the Forge

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**Disclaimer:** No ownership or profit implied.

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"It is time." Thorin's voice was quiet but carried throughout the forge. All eyes turned to the king-in-exile and conversation ceased as the others drew near. Thorin nodded and Bofur struck seven beats on his bodhran.

As the final sound died away, Thorin turned to address his sister-son, careful to name his genealogy through his father's line. The Durin line would be used at the close of the rite to further proclaim his right as an heir of the first father.

"Kίli, son of Vίli, son of Vari, I ask for the fourth time, is it your desire to continue the Ceremony of Cleansing?

"Aye." Kίli's voice was soft.

Balin faced the other dwarves and intoned.

"From stone Mahal created the Khazad, making us miners and crafters of the rock, the metal, and the gemstones of the land. Seven Fathers he made and he gave us hammer and anvil to shape that which we mine. But he also gave us forge fire to cleanse that which is impure and to make the metals malleable to be shaped anew. And after the fire, he gave us water to quench the heat, to set firm that which we have wrought. "

This time Bofur struck hammer to anvil.

Dis continued the rite.

"When the work of our hands is warped or damaged beyond repair, we commit it once again to the flame and water so that it might be forged anew. In the rare instance when one of our own has been so wounded that it leaves them broken where they cannot heal, there is a rite of final resort, the Ceremony of Cleansing, by which the dross of the past is purified through water and fire leaving one who is restored to wholeness and worth.

Bofur struck the anvil again and Thorin took up the recitation.

"We come at the request of Kίli, son of Vίli, son of Vari, who has already completed both the request and the cleansing by water. Now we proceed with the cleansing by fire."

"Let those who would vouchsafe for Kίli take their places."

Bofur struck seven beats on the bodhran as the other Dwarves arranged themselves in a semicircle before the forge with Thorin, Dis, and Kίli in the center farthest from the fire.

Thorin turned to address his nephew.

"Kίli, son of Vίli, for the fifth time I ask, do you wish to continue with the Cleansing Ceremony?"

"Aye." Kίli's voice wavered as he scanned the faces of the others.

Dis reached into her basket withdrawing the clothes Kίli had shed at the river and held them out to his sister-son.

"As you burn the physical representation of your former life in the fire, you also commit your past to the flames, purged so that it no longer has a hold on you."

Kίli took the bundle in his hands.

Thorin faced his sister-son, silently locking eyes.

"The sign of mourning for the Khazad is shorn hair. Do you accept this sign as you relinquish your former life?"

Kίli closed his eyes as his hands trembled. He felt tears prick at the corner of this eyes. No, he did not want his hair shorn, but if that were required for the ceremony to continue, he had no choice.

"Aye," his voice shook. He kept his eyes tightly clenched.

Thorin pulled a knife from his belt and moved to stand behind his nephew. He gathered a handful of the raven hair moving it aside to uncover the braid Dis had placed at the nape of his neck. Pulling the hair taut Thorin brought the knife down severing the braid. This portion of the rite was meant to be symbolic rather than truly to shame with a completely shorn head, even though the individual would not know that when asked whether they consented or not. It was a test of their sincerity to determine if their pride was too strong to accept humbling.

The exiled king stepped back in front of his nephew holding out the severed braid.

"Commit this hair also to the fire. It is the symbol that you have mourned the life that was and are ready to accept the future."

Kίli took the braid with a sigh of relief as he opened his eyes again. Now he understood why his mother had insisted on the plait hidden beneath hair. He walked slowly forward to the forge. The heat of the fire was fierce as the young Dwarf dropped his clothes and hair into the flames, destroying the outward symbols of his previous life. He watched but a moment before turning and walking back to his place.

Thorin nodded before continuing.

"The burned clothes and hair along with the white tunic you now wear symbolize the cleansing of your past. From hence forward, you begin anew."

Fίli joined the two in the center where they removed Kίli's white garment replacing it with a royal Durin blue tunic and black trewes matching their own.

Again Bofur struck the drum.

"Kίli, son of Vίli, son of Vari, I ask you for the sixth time. Do you wish to continue with this cleansing?

Once again the dark-haired Dwarf looked around the semicircle before him while tendrils of doubt snaked through his mind. _What if they say I'm not worthy? What if they believe I'm fouled, defiled?_

The doubts were part of a nightmare that had started after his memory returned. One where the members of his family vilified him, and even now he could hear the damning accusations in his mind_._

_Balin said, "He refuses to study. He is not fit to be a prince."_

_Dwalin spoke. "He uses a bow. He's not a warrior."_

_Oin's words: He's reckless, dangerous."_

_Gloin stated, "He is makhel banarȃl, defiled."_

_Dis pronounced, "He is a disgrace to the royal line"._

_Thorin rumbled, "He is weak and without honor."_

_But it was Fίli's statement that always woke him screaming. "He is not trustworthy. I disown him. He is not my brother."_

Kίli swallowed, tamping down his irrational fears. "Aye, I do".

Thorin faced the Dwarves. "Who here will affirm Kίli's right to this cleansing?"

At the proper moment each dwarf stepped forward, solemnly gave their statement, then returned to their previous position as Bofur beat hammer to anvil between each speaker.

"I, Balin son of Fundin, Councilor to the king, affirm that Kίli has studied and understands the duties of the second son in the royal line. He will serve the King and Crown Prince with a willing heart.

"I, Dwalin, son of Fundin, Warmaster o' the Guard, affirm tha' Kίli excels at archery 'n' wields a fearsome sword. I am proud ta fight beside him."

"I, Oin, son of Groin, Healer, affirm that Kίli is sturdy and steadfast as the stone from whence we come."

"I, Gloin, son of Groin, Councilor of Finance, affirm that Kίli is honest and trustworthy."

When it came time for Fίli to speak, he stepped out and walked to his brother. Taking a section of raven hair he proceeded to braid while he spoke.

"I, Fίli, son of Dis, daughter of Thrain, son of Thror, and sister-son to Thorin II, called Oakenshield, rightful King Under the Mountain, thus Heir to the Throne of Erebor, affirm Kίli's honor and loyalty. He is one of the strongest Dwarves I know, and I am proud to call him brother". As he finished speaking, the golden prince secured the clan braid with a bead from his own hair.

Next Dis moved to her youngest son's side and began another braid.

"I, Dis, daughter of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain, affirm that Kίli is worthy to be called an heir of Durin by virtue of his actions as well as his lineage." Dis completed the Durin royal braid securing it with a bead holding a small emerald.

Finally Thorin faced his nephew. He nodded then moved to pick up strands of hair himself.

"I, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, rightwise King Under the Mountain, affirm Kίli as a Prince of Durin and my second heir." He secured the prince's braid with a silver clamp bearing Kίli's personal sigil.

After a moment, the Dwarrow leader continued. "Kίli, you have completed the physical cleansing and you have consigned the trappings of your former life to the flames. As Mahal created the Seven Fathers, so have seven dwarrow attested to your worthiness of this renewal ceremony. There remains but one final step in the cleansing to remove the final vestige of your previous life." He paused.

"Kίlvari, Viliul, Variul, for the seventh and final time, is it your wish to complete this cleansing?

Thorin had used his inner name, the one never shared outside the Khazad, used for ceremonies, and then only rarely. Kίli clenched his eyes, stomach churning.

_The final vestige of my previous life? My inner name? Thorin wants to change my inner name? Oh, Mahal...it's who I am...I can't do this...but I have to...it's the only way._

Kίli felt his breath hitch as icy fingers of fear gripped his spine at the very thought of abandoning his inner name, the very essence of self.

He gazed at the floor, no longer so sure of what he was doing, and mumbled, "Aye."

As Bofur brought the hammer down on the anvil again, Kίli flinched.

Turning back to face the assembled Dwarves Thorin proudly proclaimed, "From henceforth, you shall no longer be known by the name Kίlvari thus severing the ties to your former life. From today your true name shall be Kίlian, a new name for a new beginning." He paused before continuing, "Kίlian, son of Dis, daughter of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain; prince of the royal line of Durin, now cleansed and renewed."

Bofur beat seven strikes on the bodhran concluding the ceremony. They all came forward crowding around Kίli with congratulations and hugs. After everyone else had had their turn, Fίli stood before his brother, smiling.

He reached up to wipe a tear from Kίli's cheek before embracing him in a tight hug. Fίli felt the briefest of flinches before his brother returned the hug.

"Better, nadadith?" The golden prince asked pulling back and examining his sibling's face.

Not trusting his voice, Kίli only nodded, but Fίli did not miss his brother's smile.

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**A/N: **bodhran- an Irish drum struck with hand or tipper

Makhel banarȃl – victim of rape

Viliul- patronymic form of Vίli (son of)

Variul- patronymic form of Vari (son of)

Inner names of the dwarves are used only on specific ceremonial occasions and only with other dwarves. They are never spoken above ground (except where they don't have a mountain to live in) or to other races. Common use names such as Fίli, Kίli, Thorin, are known as outer names. (from DwarrowScholar).

Thank you to everyone who's been following and reviewing. Looking forward to reading your reviews of this chapter.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Epilogue- Fili

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**A/N:** See notes at the end.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own the fascinating world of Middle Earth, nor do I profit from it.

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The days continued to lengthen as spring changed to summer in Ered Luin. Fίli's name day passed and Thorin set out on his circuit to visit the Dwarrow settlements leaving Dis and the boys behind to manage the village. He put Fίli in charge even though the golden prince lacked four years of reaching his majority; it was good practice for him as heir, especially in a less stressful set of circumstances than a kingdom. Thorin himself had assumed his leadership position at the age of seventy-eight when Thrain had left Ered Luin to wander. Of course Dis and Balin were there to guide the young prince with Dwalin responsible for security and the watch. His youngest nephew had strict instructions to assist his brother and not cause trouble.

Fίli took his responsibilities to heart, especially watching over his baby brother. Things were much better for Kίli after the cleansing ceremony; but, as Thorin had said, it was not magic. There were good days and bad ones; only now the bad ones were fewer. Now the raven prince was much more comfortable with physical contact and hugs, no longer flinching when touched. Yet still at times something would trigger memories which threatened to throw Kίli into a full panic attack. While his brother was better equipped to handle the episodes now, Fili paid extra attention to the unvoiced signs that meant Kίli was having problems so he could intervene before things got out of hand.

The golden prince knew Kίli was still not comfortable being in the woods alone although the archer tried to hide his reticence. Even hunting had lost a great deal of the thrill for the youngest Durin. After one particular incident where Kίli had come back quiet and trembling with red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his face, Fίli had forbidden him to go to the forest alone. The brothers had exchanged sharp words over the decision, but Fίli held his ground. Of course, Kίli chafed at the restriction, but was secretly glad to have company when his brother joined him on hunts.

The worst part, however, was still the nightmares that occasionally woke him sobbing and trembling in a cold sweat. Each time Fίli was there to hold him, to rub his back, and to assure him all would be well, and he hoped that Kίli could believe him.

Despite their words, both brothers knew things would never be the same as before the assault for either of them. That type of trauma always left one changed. Kίli had been broken and now he was healing, but the progress was slow. It would take years to heal, and there were no guarantees that he would, despite the cleansing ceremony. And yet, after healing, bones were often stronger in the places they were broken. It was just a matter of holding the broken pieces together long enough to knit. Fίli vowed he would always be there for his brother helping to hold those pieces in place.

Afternoon sun played across the grass in front of their little cottage. Fίli looked up as he ran the whetstone across the blade of his sword to see his little brother watching him. Apparently Kίli had exhausted his supply of fletching feathers and already stored his new arrows in the quiver. As their eyes met, Kίli smirked, looked towards the nearby apple trees, then back to his brother.

The older prince understood, all too well, the dare behind that look. Without acknowledging anything, Fίli dropped the whetstone and sword, jumping up to sprint across the grass. He had always been the faster runner. Only now with age and heavy weapons training, he was developing the sturdy muscle mass of the dwarrow while Kίli remained lithe and agile.

Kίli reached the nearest tree first and hoisted himself up on a limb. He reached for an apple and tossed it to his brother before retrieving one for himself and dropping back down from the tree. As they both bit into the juicy fruit, Fίli was pleased to see his brother's broad smile and twinkling eyes.

Yes, today was a good day. Who knew what tomorrow would hold. They both realized nothing could ever erase the past and that Kίli would never return to the way he had been before the attack. Healing did not mean that the damage never happened just that it was no longer in control. It might not be a happily ever after ending, but Fίli would take whatever small victories he could get.

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**A/N:** It's over :( I'm going to miss working with this story after spending so many months with it. I'm glad you guys came along for the ride and hope you enjoyed it. Once again I want to thank my beta BlueGnomeAlaska for her help. I also want to thank everyone who left comments or prompts that helped me improve the fic. I don't have anything else in the works right now (kinda out of ideas); but hopefully something will pop up. Thanks for reading and reviewing. And don't forget to let me know how you felt about this chapter. Till next time.


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